Despretely would love to concieve multiples

Mirabelle ↓

Sun, Jul 10 2011, 8:35 am

I do understand it when people struggling through IF treatments wish for twins because often times they may be thinking "If I have to go through all this tsurres and heartache at least let me end up with more than 1 so that I don't need to go through it all again." That feeling I totally get.

Other than that, I don't really get it. B"H my twins are so far just fine, but even still, it hasn't been easy.
I also have lots of friends with twins with issues, some more severe than others.

In addition, its just REALLY HARD for the first year or so. Sometimes I think that now that my twins are 21 months it hasn't gotten easier, but we've just gotten more used to our new reality.

↑ life'sgreat ↓

Sun, Jul 10 2011, 10:17 am

Mirabelle wrote:

I think there's another reason. It's not only going through the heartache and pain of treatment. It's that the chances of conceiving again are low for so many with IF issues, which means that by the time you conceive your next, your older one might be 4 or 6 or 8 (or CH"V never conceiving again).

↑ Mirabelle ↓

Sun, Jul 10 2011, 10:46 am

life'sgreat wrote:

Mirabelle wrote:

Good point. I was actually told by my doctor that if we REALLY want to go for it again we need to do it ASAP. As we all get older usually things get worse instead of better in terms of IF.

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 12:25 am

I just found out I'm pregnant with twins. They will be #2 and #3, IYH. DC #1 is 11 mos now, and will be 18 mos when the twins are born, IYH. This is a huge bracha, and we are very happy and excited and apparently, Hashem has some great confidence in me (not sure why), but I cannot explain to you how terrified I am.

There's a woman in my shul who is preg with twins, and one of them was diagnosed on US with an uncurable heart defect.

BH, so far my pregnancy appears to be di/di, two placentas and two sacs, the safest kind, but the doctor can't confirm yet that it's two placentas.

I was going to get a job next year, but I can't , because what if, chas veshalom, I need to go on bedrest??

Nevermind the fact that working will be out of the question after they are born.

What if, CHV, the babies are born prematurely?

What if, after they are born, I go crazy, with 3 needy babies under 2???

What if, what if, what if?? And I'm not being a pessimist here, just a realist, as these are all very realistic (though unwanted, of course) scenarios. Please take off the rosy glasses. My grandmother had twins, and I always thought of having twins in a kind of 'haha that would never happen to me, but I guess it would be fine if it does' type of way. And now I got, and I would never CHV wish it hadn't happened, but I am more scared than you can possibly imagine.

↑ Mirabelle ↓

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 7:37 am

amother wrote:

My big one was 3 when the twins were born. It was a VERY hard year for her, let me tell you. Now it seems that we have gotten past all that and that she is enjoying being a big sister.

Most likely your twins will be born prematurely, at least a little bit. I think the average for twins is 35 weeks and mine were born at 35.5, but only with medical help (I went into labor at 34 and they stopped it with drugs).

Did you get the book by Dr. Barbara Luke about twin pregnancy? I read it cover to cover and tried my best to follow her recommendations. I also liked that she helped prepare you for the NICU, even though in the end we didnt need it.

↑ Mimisinger

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 7:58 am

mummy-bh wrote:

Mimisinger wrote:

FYI - Twins are twice the amount of Work

nope, this is not true. In the early days twins are more than double the work of a singleton. how so? well, with a single baby you get to 'rest when the baby rests' but with twins there is no time off. when my girls were tiny and eating every two hours, each feed lasting half an hour (plus changing, emergency bathing, etc) there wasn't an awful lot of spare time!

oh, and I also always secretly hoped for twins. it is an amazing, wonderful, fascinating experience and I would do it again in a heartbeat Hug

How is this not true? Didn't you just prove my theory? Confused

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 8:38 am

I've told my friends with twins that I've "always wanted" twins, but that's not really true. Actually I never thought about it much originally. About 12 weeks into one pregnancy I went for my first prenatal visit and when the OB did an ultrasound to check for a heartbeat he found two sacs with embyos of equal size, but only one had a heartbeat. B"H the rest of my pregnancy was uneventful and my daughter was healthy but since then I've occasionally wondered what her twin would've been like if he/she would've made it. I had two healthy singletons afterwards but did think during those pregnancies about what it would've been like to have twins, because I thought about it as a missed oppportunity in a way (I know that's not correct because obviously it wasn't supposed to happen but that's how I think of it). And now it is very unlikely that I will ever be pregnant again.

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 8:42 am

Mirabelle wrote:

This. This is sometimes my tefilla to Hashem. I cant get pregnant on my own and need help so I do somtimes wish that Hashem will give me more than one at a a time because of the hardships to get to the point of actually conceiving them. (not OP, but someone who is going through IF right now.)

↑ Mirabelle

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 9:41 am

Raisin wrote:

Mirabelle wrote:

My big one was 3 when the twins were born. It was a VERY hard year for her, let me tell you. Now it seems that we have gotten past all that and that she is enjoying being a big sister.

.

I'm no child expert, but I think a 3 year old is much more likely to be jealous of a new sibling (or two) then an 18 month old.

True true.

Although I do sometimes think that my twins now will have a little bit of jealously when Ima is holding one and not the other, or I take one downstairs first in the morning...of course, it's not as deeply manifested as a 3 year old.

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Sep 17 2011, 11:41 pm

My goal here isn't to inspire fear and nurture worries in the hearts of those who are currently pregnant with twins or more. It is a bracha from Hashem that should be cause for joy.

However, "desperate" (!) for twins is just not something I can tolerate well.

When I became pregnant with fraternal twins, while I was overawed, excited, shocked, a little nervous, etc, whatever emotion I felt is not even relevant; this was something Hashem granted us! I was amazed that this was happening to me, and actually had a very difficult beginning (terrible nausea, etc, on progesterone), but never did I say- I can't do this. I am grateful for that, as at least I don't have to deal with guilt now as well.

My twins were born in my sixth month.

This can happen. This does happen. Yes, this can happen with singletons as well, but a twin gestation is at a much higher risk.

One of my babies is not home yet, and it has been close to a year. The other twin spent 4 months in the NICU. May Hashem grant them both a complete refuah.

This has obviously completely overtaken my life right now.

I don't want to scare anyone, and we are maamin of course that everything that happens was meant to take place, but I just wanted you all to hear this kind of reality.

↑ tikva18

Sun, Sep 18 2011, 12:55 am

amother wrote:

May your twins have a refuah shleima! I'm so sorry that it has been so difficult for you. Do you have a come home date for your twin? I can't imagine being in your shoes. Please, can you give me your baby's name so I can daven?

imaima

Sun, Sep 18 2011, 1:25 am

Mimisinger wrote:

mummy-bh wrote:

Mimisinger wrote:

FYI - Twins are twice the amount of Work

How is this not true? Didn't you just prove my theory? Confused

you said it was twice the work, and she says, it is more than twice the work.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Sep 18 2011, 1:29 am

amother wrote:

Mirabelle wrote:

I also have a friend who hopes for twins in her pregnancies cuz her pregnancies are such nightmares from beginning to end, non stop vomiting, nausea, weakness and a general inability to function, and since she wants a big family, she wishes she could just have "2 for the price of 1" instead of going through the hellish 9 months to get one baby. Totally not comparing her situation to infertility, but just pointing out another reason someone might want twins....

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Sep 18 2011, 3:35 am

Being pregnant with twins is not a curse!! I have twins (my oldests). They were not born prematurely b"H and I always wished to be again pregnant with twins. Why is it wrong to want that?? Some twins are born prematurely - well...singletons too. Being pregnant in itself is risky but everyone wants babies. So what?!?

Yes, it is hard work but sometimes one single baby can be harder than two at a time.

Please do not scare the women that are currently pregnant with twins. It's not all black!! There is such a thing as healthy, normal twin babies.

↑ mandksima

Sun, Sep 18 2011, 4:11 am

amother wrote:

That sure brings back memories for me, amother. Sounds like the same situation. Unfortunately, these past few months, I've heard 3 stories of either one twin dying from prematurity or both. So, so sad. Miracles CAN happen and multiples CAN be born healthy but I don't think anyone should ASK for this miracle. Giving birth in itself is such a huge miracle, to ask Hashem for this special test of multiples is dangerous.

I can definitely see the extreme difference in a healthy, full term infant and a micropreemie as I've had 2 of each. Amother, just to let you know,this will take over your life for the next 20 years or so if not longer. There are no kids like that without "issues." I understand wanting them as I did too but I was VERY naive.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Sep 18 2011, 4:26 am

I have a friend who is sporadically on this board. She has triplets, and oh how I wish I could post a link to her LiveJournal! The stories she tells are almost always hilarious, but at the same time it's enough to make you run for a tubal ligation! The 9 straight months of bed rest, non stop vomiting and needing a constant IV line were the EASY part.

All of her babies have some form of developmental delays, and yet they are very clever. They've figured out how to unzip each other's jammies, take the duct tape off of each other's diapers, and "paint" the whole bedroom with poop. shock

Every. Single. Night. They give each other boosts to get out of bed, climb up on furniture, get into cabinets, and generally run amok. You get one pinned down, and two escape. One gets your attention, and two more get into something else. It's NON STOP MAYHEM, and it only gets worse the more mobile they are.

Then there's coordinating this ones' speech therapy, this ones' motor skills therapy, this ones' play group, ped appointments - AND mom can't afford not to work, and you don't EVEN want to know how much the nanny costs.

Of course she loves them to pieces and wouldn't trade them for the world, but oh my, the stories she can tell!