The Mikva is a funny place... (poem)

amother ↓

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 2:34 pm

The mikvah is a funny place
Where each one tries to hide their face
To make sure no one takes a peek
We play a game of hide and seek.

The seconds by the door are agonizingly long,
During which time I’m sure throngs of people came along
As time ticks by so very slow,
I hope there’s no one that I know.

Finally I’m buzzed in, I rush up the stairs
And I wonder which one of the ladies will be there
Take soap and a comb, she says with a smile,
I still don’t know her name, after all this while!

Bath or shower? Here is your number.
I walk inside; cool as a ‘cumber
But as soon as the lock clicks the door closed,
I hurriedly throw off all of my clothes.

The next hour is spent soaping and preening
Discovering placed I never knew needed cleaning
As I clean mascara from the corner of my eyes
My blood pressure is slowly beginning to rise.

With great trepidation I’m finishing up
But I must have forgotten something, for the life of me, WHAT?
With anxiousness mounting I lift up the phone
My mind draws a blank and I inwardly groan.

I’m hurried along the assembly line
The attendant knows there are many women behind,
In fake slippers and itchy robe I follow along
Still clinging to the thought that something must be wrong…

The attendant check my hands and feet,
The polish is off, they’re clean and they’re neat,
But how can she tell from three feet away
If I’ve cut all of my nails that day???

I test out the water with the tips of my toes,
The scent of chlorine tickles my nose
It wouldn’t be such a strange place to be
If there wasn’t someone standing there watching me!

Whether you’re doing seven or one
Everyone’s relieved when all the dips are done
I daven for children with all of my might
And above all a prayer that I’ve done it all right!

I’ve davened in many places
Whether at home or in shul
But the strangest place I’ve done it
Is floating naked in a pool!

In a minute, it’s over; it’s back to my room,
Decked out in my robe and eau-de-chlorine perfume.
All that time spent preparing for just a few minutes of fame
How did Hashem come up with such a game?

I chuckle to myself, relieved and full of glee
I’m done, I’m finished! I’m outta here! I’m free!

On my way out I grab a candy or two
Pop it right in with a bracha and chew

Every so often I’m sure it’s true
That we deserve a reward for the mitzvos we do!
I saunter right out with a smile on my face,
The mikvah sure is the funniest place!

Pink Pointes

Growing ↓

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 2:47 pm

Very descriptive and on the mark LOL

MamaBird

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 2:47 pm

nice! love it! Smile

esteer

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 3:08 pm

So true! so cute!

momof2sofar

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 3:10 pm

"I’ve davened in many places
Whether at home or in shul
But the strangest place I’ve done it
Is floating naked in a pool! "

LOL! Love that part.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 4:05 pm

I loved this poem! Written really well, so true and soooooo funny!

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 4:18 pm

momof2sofar wrote:

"I’ve davened in many places
Whether at home or in shul
But the strangest place I’ve done it
Is floating naked in a pool! "

LOL! Love that part.

It sounds cute but the logistics...? If I took the time to float and meditate not only would there be a backup but my mikvah lady would be a bit concerned. OK, maybe had I consistently done it for the last 15 years they'd know, yup, amother is coming in tonight, forewarned is forearmed.

monkey

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 6:31 pm

Awesome Poem!

boymom

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 6:34 pm

awesome! you hit it on the button!

familyfirst

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 8:21 pm

Sooo cute!

Actually, I think it should be hung in the waiting rooms of Mikvaos (needs a little tweeking for that, though!). It would definitely bring a smile to every woman's face!

Chochmes Nushim

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 8:38 pm

Can I add a few stanzas?

Do you ever wonder
do you even care
Often I ponder
Is that a disapproving stare

Does she grimace in disgust
at my bulges aplenty
Disrobe, I must
Although my figure is no longer twenty

As I waddle down the stairs
reaching lofty heights
I try to assuage my fears
modesty plays no role tonight

Where is my fairy with her wand in hand
to use her magic on me
to turn me into someone grand
So I can toivel confidently

↑ Growing

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 8:51 pm

cute additon! certainly describes my feelings...

Happy18

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 9:06 pm

This is adorable!!!

ESB

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 9:11 pm

Its an excellent poem. Why are u amother? I wanna know whose such a good writer.

Bliss

Thu, Jun 30 2011, 9:48 pm

Cute!

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Jul 01 2011, 12:24 pm

WOW!! amazinly detailed and so well written!

I leave the house, for rain I hope
can I hide under my umbrella, what a clear night! nope.
walking along fast, so neighbors I don't meet
noway, chanie is yelling from accross the street.

hello and good bye, politely I do say
oh, she sure knows now,what can you do, hey.
the mikvah I see at last,the door I try to open,
is it locked? am I nervous? or is it realy broken?!

I pay the sweet old lady as she tells me which room,
I go in, strip, and into the shower I zoom.
I press the ready key to get the show on the road,
"tonight is pretty empty" is what I am told.

down the steps into the holy water
do I dip first, or my hair I do cover?
questions they're used to, and guide me she does
for a newlywed one time too she was.

come out, get dressed, spiritaul I feel
what a beautiful mitzvah, we take advantage of what's real.
mikvah everywhere, no more going to the lake,
listen to stories of elderly, in other countries, of what sacrafices they had to make.

BH for what we have today,
there is only one thing left to say.
mee ka'amcha yisroel, Hashem you do see
rain, snow, cold hat, whatever it may be.

to the mikvah we count down, and are glad to do your mitzvos,
Hashem, please listen to each and everyone of our tefilos!
so much tzaar, so many tzaros galore,
ad masai, we cant handle no more!

please send moshiach our way,
send him now! we're ready today!
may everyone have yeshuos and all the best,
and the right cochos to pass every life givin test.

dee's mommy

Sat, Jul 02 2011, 10:55 pm

I love it.

jbf

Sat, Jul 02 2011, 11:03 pm

Love the original and the additions!!

akc

Sat, Jul 02 2011, 11:23 pm

This is great. Really hits the mark. Thank you for sharing

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Jul 03 2011, 6:40 am