How do you do it? work and take care of home, kids...?

Miriam1 ↓

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 11:45 pm

I've been working part time in a public school and my principal asked me to come back full time. She said if I don't, I, G-d forbid, risk not being hired back again because of cut backs, G-d forbid. I am sooooooooooo scared. How do you do it? How do you work full time and still be sane? How do you have time to cook? When do you run your errands? Do you ever have time just for yourself? How do you have time for your kids? I can't sleep just thinking about it. I am so nervous. My husband, G-d bless him, would be of no help. He comes home late and he works on Sunday. So, if you're in a similar situation, can you please tell me how you do it? I"ve just never worked full time with kids. And teaching is a job that you take home with you. When do you call parents of students? When do you do all those lesson plans? Grade papers? How does it work? How do you manage? I just cant even imagine. Please tell me how you do it. How do you have a baby and go back six weeks later full time? I am so scared. I cant sleep thinking about it. I really need some chizuk.

↑ Miriam1 ↓

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 12:22 am

I dont know how to breathe and I dont know how to take it easy and I dont like to rely on housekeepers. I'm use to doing everything myself. my family likes my home cooked meals. They dont like take out. I just took some sleepy time tea to sleep because I just cant sleep. I am so nervous and I wouldnt even start untl September. I know people do it. I have friends who do it. But, I dont know how they do it. They just do it, but how? How do you even go shopping for all the stuff your kids need? How do you do the holidays? I don't like on line shopping. And if you do on line shopping, when do you have time to return the stuff that you dont want? How do you even have time for on line shopping? How do you have time for anything? I feel so pressed for time now and I am part time and have a few hours to myself. How do you do it when you go straight from work to pick up your kids from school? How do you sit down and do homework? When do you talk to your family and friends? How do you even have time for your husband?

JewishMother18

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 3:30 am

Miriam1 wrote:

You have lots of "don't likes" here but we can't always have things our own way. How old are your kids?

There are plenty of things that even little kids can help with. I've always worked full time. I now run my own business which means really really long hours out of the house. My week is divided up and I only cook for Shabbat and on Monday night. Sunday night is left overs and the other three nights are prepared by a different member of the family each night - they know their rota. I used to love entertaining but I know my limits and now only do that about every 4-6 weeks.

When they were younger they also had weekly jobs to do - watering the plants, folding the laundry, taking the laundry to each person's room, setting the table, clearing the table, washing dishes (or loading the dishwasher), making beds, loading the washing machine, hanging washing - make a rota and rotate it so that they don't get bored. The older kids can help the younger ones with homework. My DH used to help with the homework.

I used to prepare all the vegetables for that night's supper in the morning before I went to work. In the evening I would prepare the lunches for the following day and put them in the fridge. For several years we didn't have gourmet meals in the week - it was whatever we could find in the freezer with a salad chopped up. You have to get into a routine and make it work for you.

We shop late night on a Thursday night and if I need milk or veggies during the week I buy them from the local shop.

School holidays are admittedly a nightmare but if you're teaching then aren't you on holiday at the same time as the kids or at least for some of that time? When you're not then you have to hire a babysitter - it's a chunk of your wage yes but there isn't really much option when they're small.

emama ↓

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 9:03 am

I've taught since my first child was one. First of all, calm down. Things will work out, if you are calm and realistic about what are your priorities. The kids, came first by me. My children went to extended hours in nursery school since I had longer hours than they did. The ones in yeshiva came home with an eighth grader who watched them until I got home.
Next, your standards may need to change. How neat does your house need to be? Get a cleaning lady to clean your house. and straighten up when you can during the week, or at least before Shabbat.
Cook simply for Shabbat. Simple doesn't mean not tasty. Chicken with a sauce, potatoes under it, etc. I can actually make Shabbat meals on Friday afternoon even in the winter, if necessary, since my Thursday night is a late one due to work. You'll learn to adapt. My MIL used to wake up very early and cook before she woke her children, something I could never do.
I shopped late at night, when my husband was home. If yours isn't available, get someone to watch the kids and go shopping w/o them. In my job, I did prep work almost every night. My sister did hers on Sundays (older kids). You'll get used to it and make a schedule that works for you after awhile.

Will you be tired? Yep, especially at first. But that's ok because you'll get the hang of it after a bit of time and find the schedule that will work for you. Since you'll have the summer, you can prepare some food, school things, etc, in advance. Good luck.

↑ Miriam1 ↓

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 6:39 pm

I guess we do what we have to do. It just sounds very hard. I've been spoiled for so long by working part time and now that I have to switch to full time, I just dont know how I would do it. I guess I would just do it. The way you all do it. I just dont want to do it, but I have to do it. You all sound like superwoman to me. I guess I would cook the night before and warm up the food when I came home. I would do online shopping and have groceries delivered. Maybe get a babysitter once a week at night to run the errands. I just cant even imagine it because I am already tired all the time and I am only part time. I wont be able to do errands on Sundays because I am carpooling my kids to different activities all day long and that's not how they want to spend the day and my husband is not around to help. I cant do errrands at night when he comes home because he comes home at 10. I give you all a lot of credit for working full time and taking care of your house full time with joy. I just dont know if I'll be able to do with simcha. I'll be able to do it because G-d gives us what we can handle, but I am not happy about it. I guess I have to grow up. To answer your question, I am mid-30's and have 3 kids. The oldest one is 10 and the youngest is 3. I'm lucky if they clean up their room and toys. I guess I feel guilty that I wont be there for my kids the way I want to be --- like vacations. Even though I am a teacher, I dont have the same days off because I dont work in a yeshiva. Thanks for your replies.

abby1776

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 6:51 pm

If you dont have the same days off as Yeshiva that is even better, you can use those days to do things and not worry about childcare or entertaining your kids. You have your entire summers off - what about the ladies who work full time and dont get two months off in the summer. Also, how long is the public school day anyway? I seem to recall public school kids getting out at 2 pm when yeshiva kids get out at 5 pm. Working as a teacher full time in a public school is not a 9 to 5 job - you still will likely have some time during the day to get stuff done while your kids are in school. I dont think you need to panic about this - but I would think you should talk to your husband about your change in schedule and maybe he can come up with ways that he may be able to help out more.

nicole81 ↓

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 7:14 pm

Miriam1 wrote:

And teaching is a job that you take home with you. When do you call parents of students? When do you do all those lesson plans? Grade papers? How does it work? How do you manage? I just cant even imagine. Please tell me how you do it.

I don't know where you work but here, by contract, teachers get at least one prep period and one lunch period a day. That's a minimum of roughly 1.75 hours each day to take care of the above. Most teachers in the country have comparable working days. I rarely bring work home with me (and I'm not just a teacher, I'm a dean, too, and work 8-4:30.) You have to organize your work day in addition to your home life. Don't waste your preps and lunch periods on the computer, or chatting with coworkers. Sit down and lesson plan. Grab a phone and make calls. If applicable, on test days, as you're giving an exam to one class, grade the papers from the previous class.

As an aside, I'm a big fan of project based learning. I typically create a number of units throughout the year that are taught through minimal instruction and lots of hands on work. This way, I spend about and hour or two max developing my plan, rubric, and organizing instructional materials, and it lasts though 1-3 weeks of class. All I need to do during class time is facilitate or sometimes address the entire class for a maximum of 10 minutes worth of instruction. The kids love it, get a lot out of it, and it makes my life easier, as well as allows for better classroom management on my part.

whirlwind

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 9:29 pm

I haven't read all the posts, just skimmed them, but I think I definitely qualify to answer this post! I currently work 8-3 Mon-Fri plus another 10 hours a week during evenings and Sunday - work from home to make up to full time hours (45 hours total). I have 3 kids ages 3, 2, and 7 months. Dh is in kollel so he's not home Sundays and also comes home late at night (though he's available Friday afternoons and during the day he has a break when he does carpool and picks up kids from sitter). Let me tell you that no, it's not easy and you really have to be organized and stay one (or ten) step ahead. You can PM me if you want specific tips, but I can share some general tips here:
Meals/Shabbos - I make a menu on Monday night for Shabbos and the following week (this means I already know since this past Monday all my meals for next week). This includes taking into account what I will send with my kids for lunch. (3 yr old's in school but we don't buy school lunch, 2 yr old at sitter and I send lunch) I make a master shopping list and try to cover ALL the things I'll need to cook and to have on hand so I rarely go shopping more than once a week. Dh is able to do the shopping once a week during his break, but there is the option of ordering - most places take phone/fax/email orders and deliver to you. I cook as much as I can on Sunday, including kugels, fish, soup for Shabbos. I have a big extra freezer that is always stocked with these and more. I always cook in doubles. If I'm making lasagna, I make two, burgers, I make several pounds worth of meat at a time, shape into patties, and freeze with wax paper in between, etc. You get the idea. I have HS girl from a local high school who comes Thurs eve for an hr and I cook my chicken, liver, prepare my chulent, whatever else has to be fresh in that hour. I set my table and do EVERYTHING thurs night. Only thing I have to do when I get home from work Fri is bathe kids, shower, set lights, warm up food.
Maternity leave - yes, going back after 6 weeks is very hard. Physically I've been ok with it, but emotionally it's really hard for me to leave my baby after only 6 weeks. Sorry, but I have no tips for that - it's hard!
Housework - I have cleaning lady once a week Friday morning. I do a bunch of loads of laundry motzei Shabb/Sunday and a throw in several more during the week. My washer dryer is in my playroom and I have a counter there where I fold all my laundry while the kids are playing. Other housework I try to get kids excited about "helping" - they're not really old enough to do much but if I make them feel part of it it's an activity for them and I get things done.
Time for kids - I am strict with myself that from when my son comes home I do not do any housework or anything for half hour, just concentrate on him. Bedtime is a special time that I really try not to miss - I read with kids, cuddle, talk about their day, etc. Shabbos is also special family time. I really try to do many special things, spend time playing with them, etc.
Staying sane - dh and I are STRICT about monthly date. We go out one night a month on our own - he takes off and I don't work that night. I try to sit down with him when he eats dinner if I've eaten already, or at least be busy with things in the kitchen while he's eating so we have a few minutes together to catch up. I also try to schedule in at least 15 minutes to read/chill out in the evening, aside from the time I have when I'm feeding baby.
Again, it takes lots of organization and it's not easy, but definitely do-able.

avimom ↓

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 9:30 pm

As a public school teacher who also has a lot of commute time, it's very, very hard. I don't think anyone would tell you otherwise.
As for the poster who mentioned prep and lunch time- is that a joke?? I have WAY, WAY more work than that and although I've been teaching for eight years I still bring home a huge amount of work. There is a lot of paperwork involved, but there is also the emotional aspect of it. I go home thinking about the kids and what I can do to help them. I am constantly worrying about "so and so" or "such and such" aside for all my typical family things. I speak to parents at night, design worksheets, and create behavior modification charts. My paperwork is nonsense that the school requires, like inquiry team work, not grading tests...
As for managing, b"h I have a wonderful husband who helps a lot. My mother babysits for an hour after work once a week so I can do my grocery shopping in exchange for my shopping for her too (yes, I only shop once a week and must plan everything in advance.) I try to cook the night before and then just warm supers or freeze in advance. Shopping for clothing? For myself, I do very rarely- usually only on vacations. For the kids- once a season on a Sunday with the kids in tow (dreadful experience...) or on vacation, plus I buy a lot online.
The hardest part of all? Always being incredibly exhausted.

Chloe

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 9:31 pm

Quote:

The oldest one is 10 and the youngest is 3. I'm lucky if they clean up their room and toys

Maybe that's where the problem, or part of the problem lies. A 10 year old should certainly be able to make his/her room, and a 3 year old should definitely be responsible for packing away the toys.
If you are running around your house picking up after your three fully capable kids, making their beds, straightening their rooms, picking up their toys, and I imagine cleaning up after them at dinner and throwing their clothing in the laundry, then no wonder you are tired. Your kids need to start getting involved in the housework. There are strategies and tactics to getting your kids involved so they actually enjoy it and want to do it (Games, charts, rewards etc).
I also believe that if you prepare a schedule in advance and stick to it you can accomplish whatever you set out to do whether it's meals, housekeeping, shopping or appointments. Plan your schedule. Set aside days for shopping, or appointments. Make a meal plan and divide housework throughout your week. And stick to it. And don't forget to set aside time for treating yourself Queen

, a manicure or pedicure, window shopping, a nice walk at night. Whatever you enjoy. If you can get cleaning help that's great as well. It's not easy but it's doable and if you work it out right your schedule can actually make you feeling more accomplished and less exhausted.
Lots of luck!!!!

↑ nicole81

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 9:53 pm

avimom wrote:

no, it wasn't a joke. I'm sorry that you work in a school that's so heavy on the paperwork. maybe I'm a bit spoiled at my school; I'm the inquiry team coordinator for our high school and even I never bring home inquiry work except maybe in october and june. we have common planning and meeting time built into our schedules to do this in lieu of professional periods. I suppose the ease of the situation boils down to the individual school, I simply presented a situation in where teaching full time was not all that of a difficult situation. the only time I feel really worn out is the nights that I have to go to grad school, too.

I hope the op works in a school where she is not bogged down by paperwork and other administrative tasks so she can maximize her periods off and not bring much work home at all...

mo5

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 10:01 pm

Chloe wrote:

Quote:

The oldest one is 10 and the youngest is 3. I'm lucky if they clean up their room and toys

10 year olds (and down) can actually do a lot.
I set a timer once (or twice) a week, and we all 'work' during that time. It includes cleaning up their rooms properly, vacuuming their rooms and the hallway, general tidying and whatever else is 'urgent.' Then, there's some kind of treat (not necessarily food, on a Sunday sometimes it means we can then go out) afterwards for everyone.

↑ avimom

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 10:58 pm

nicole, that explains it. You're a high school teacher! You must have two preps a day. You can sit while you teach. You teach different groups of kids throughout the day so you are not fully responsible for every aspect of the child. You don't deal with pack up, bathrooming, tying shoes or runny noses. You don't write notes home and speak to parentss constantly because my students cannot tell the parents about their day. You don't have to worry about leaving enough time at the end of the day to help everyone change into their boots or in case someone has tantrum. You don't deal with significant behavior issues either.
I teach special ed in an elementary school. I don't stop moving from the second I walk in there until the second I leave. These are little kids with delays. You can't just assign them a "project" and expect them to do it. They have alternate assessments so there's no "testing" time when I can sit down at my desk (I can't remember the last time I sat there to do some work...) As for the paper work, yes, if I wasn't so busy during school then I would have time to do it, but most elementary school teachers are extremely busy throughout the day and must bring work home, even the most organized. OP should definitely keep that in mind when scheduling out her week...