want to start a writing club. you in?

micki ↓

Wed, Jan 05 2011, 11:58 pm

Keyholes To The Heart

Eyes
Keyholes to the heart
Happy, pained
Elated, afraid
Gloomy, betrayed
Joyful, dismayed.
Eyes show what you see
What you feel and who you are
What you're thinking, they're like magic
Keyholes to the heart
They show truth and cannot lie
They're like stars up in the sky
Sparks of emotion
Keyholes to the heart
Eyes.

It

I grabbed It by the neck
I twisted It till It cracked
I choked It, I strangled It
Until It lay on the floor in a hapless wreck.
My palms were hot, my knuckles white
But I was still not done
It was getting up again
Despite what I did to It.
I spun 'round on my left foot
And I smacked It with my right-
A punch, a kick, a pinch or two
I wanted it down for good.
It rose up to revenge me;
But my eyes equaled Its, and we
Went to fight up our war, and
I won yet again.
But It would not take defeat
And It stood in front of me
And then It leaped up on my shoulders
And I said "No don't touch me!!!!"
I screamed and cried for help
I tried to wrestle it away
But It showed no mercy
Its power was fueled with wrath
I tried to overcome It, oh
Yes I tried my best-
But It made me give up
And I lay at Its feet.

Conquered like dust.

But I couldn't settle for this!
I just could not!
It thought It was vanquished over me
And so I came over It with surprise, and...
YES! I WON!
I fought it with my might
And thus here ends my story
Of the day I tried to fight.
And of the day I won,
After trial and error,
After being defeated once,
Twice, three times;
I knew I was the winner
Over It.

↑ superjew ↓

Thu, Jan 06 2011, 9:12 am

Wow I've read soo many good ones! Every morning I have like 3 new pages to read. :phew: LOL

Micki, LOVED yours. AMAZING!

Some of these writings are wayy to high literate for me. Its amazing to read. I enjoy it soo much, but I definitely don't understand all of it (in literature form I mean) But I do enjoy it & learn from it (though I doubt I'd ever write this way, my writings usually take just a few moments, whatever comes from within)
This is why no critique from me. LOL

I feel like writing again
so much emotion within
reading, writing so much thought.

I just cant understand it all.
I can not express myself
there seems to be a wall.

sometimes I sit and stare.
blanking out with no thoughts inside
a sheet of paper so white
words I'd like to write
but I cant describe.

I start to scribble
I start to draw
my thoughts come out in art
my feelings make their mark

I feel relieved
I take a sigh.
There.
My thoughts & feelings written down
it seems to be a drawing.
Seems to be my words were stuck
inside my mind of art.

theoneandonly ↓

Thu, Jan 06 2011, 10:01 am

Ooooh, I wanna join!!!

Sequoia, your piece gave me chills. Very well done.

Shosh (sorry if I didn't get your name exactly right...) I'm Rolling Laughter

at the Douglas Adams reference!

Here's mine:

I sit in the waiting room, staring at the wall.
When will it be my turn?

I hear
the soft tick, tock of the clock
the murmurs of the couple to my right
the shrill ringing of the secretary's phone

The harried doctor comes out of his office,
throws a smile my way,
calls the next patient into the examining room

I hear
him asking her how she's feeling,
her frantic reply,
the buzzing of the bee outside my window

I hear
children laughing as they play,
their shrill voices weaving into a smooth tapestry.
My son running over to me, asking me to kiss away his boo-boo
and with newfound strength, he runs off to vanquish the dragons
in the playground

I hear
the doctor coming out of his office
calling my name
I snap back to the here-and-now

"First pregnancy?" he asks
"No need to be nervous."
I smile as I reply.
"Oh, I'm not nervous.
I was just
spacing out."

Wow, that just came out on its own cuz it's totally not what I meant to write...
Hope you enjoy!
(Oh, and I don't think I wanna be a member of the critique club. I barely ever write, and if I do it's for fun so I don't care if it's not so polished. I'd rather just think that my poem is good than have ppl tell me why it's not and how it could be better.)

↑ Aylat

Thu, Jan 06 2011, 10:06 am

superjew wrote:

Wow I've read soo many good ones! Every morning I have like 3 new pages to read. :phew: LOL

I love this line. Interesting idea of words/pictures as different ways to express. Thanks!

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Thu, Jan 06 2011, 11:17 am

micki wrote:

first poem-- I like how you used keyholes instead of windows. I also like "eyes" standing in solitude. I like the overall concept, but I don't agree that eyes tell the truth. I think they often lie.

second poem-- I like that "It" is capitalized and unnamed. "It" could be just about anything. very nice. I'm not sure I understand the meaning of "It was vanquished over me." overall, I like it. I think it's pretty universal.

↑ micki ↓

Thu, Jan 06 2011, 11:35 am

mummiedearest wrote:

micki wrote:

thanks- actually these were written by my 11 year old daughter. I k now she is always eager to hear critiques on her work.

this one is my favorite- she wrote it when she was 9.
She's Wicked, She's Nefarious

Miss Wicked is a lady,
She's wicked, she's nefarious,
She wrecks and ruins buildings,
If she is precarious,
She doesn't really care,
As long as she's acting mean,
You better stay out of her way,
She'll treat you like a lima bean.
She'll beat you,
Defeat you,
Fight you,
Bite you.
Kick you,
Pick on you,
Stay away!
Miss Wicked's mean plots and schemes,
Add up to her months in jail,
But, beware! She'll get you scared,
She''ll torture you without fail.
She's wicked, she's nefarious,
She doesn't care if she's precarious,
Stay away, stay away,
Or wake from this nightmare,
The next day.

↑ theoneandonly

Thu, Jan 06 2011, 11:57 am

micki wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

micki wrote:

Micki, your 9 year old daughter wrote that? That's amazing!!!!

↑ HindaRochel ↓

Thu, Jan 06 2011, 12:01 pm

micki wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

micki wrote:

Now that's talent!