did you have a theme at your sons upsherin

micki

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 8:28 am

we had ours on chanuka, and we had prob 100+ people there. I cooked all the food, we did italian like pastas soup, garlic bread, of course latkes, and salads.
I also did desserts- I was working for a month.
and I felt like a party planner, but I got myself for free.
I can see why someone would want one, but I would not be a ble to justify the $$ paid to one. if I could not plan it myself, then I would do something smaller.
you should have seen my lists, I had lists of my lists!
but it was beautiful.
as to a theme, you really dont need one. but it helps to have one, because then you can coordinate centerpieces etc.
my friend did trains- a train full of mitzvas.
if you want a non jewish object, then make it jewish- because thats what an upshern is!
my other so n we did outside in our backyard, and I did alef bais blocks.

↑ Motek ↓

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 12:18 pm

amother wrote:

Why are you assuming that the expense of the party planner was so high? You have no idea what I paid. In fact I think you would be surprised how affordable she was. You no what happens when you assume....you make an *** out of u and me

Why are you assuming that what I wrote was about "how high" the charge was. I wasn't. So who is looking foolish?

↑ amother

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 12:54 pm

Motek wrote:

How do you justify the expenditure of money on the planner and on such a big event that you feel you need a planner?

Is it another opportunity to cash in? get gifts? so soon after the baby gifts?

Sounds to me like you are assuming there is a big expense, it also sounds like you are accusing making a simcha just for gifts. I don't feel foolish, I don't like your assumptions about me.

↑ shayna82 ↓

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 1:14 pm

Motek wrote:

shayna82 wrote:

motek, its not nice to pick fun. just because you never made a big bash, you shoulnt shun others by your rolling eye face.

You wouldn't know if I made a big bash or not, though you can assume, from my reaction, that I find a theme for an upsherinish a bit silly. Did you have a theme for your wedding? What is the purpose of a theme at a religious event other than the event itself?

Quote:

theres nothing wrong with having a party planner, or a theme for that matter.

If a shliach is making a public event in order to teach his mekuravim about Jewish milestones, then a party planner, if they can afford it, is fine. For anybody else? How do you justify the expenditure of money on the planner and on such a big event that you feel you need a planner?

Is it another opportunity to cash in? get gifts? so soon after the baby gifts?

motek, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? im sorry, but I think I speak for many on this topic, that you are out of line. its NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS.

I didnt start this topic to hear you rat out people that have party planners, organizers, or themes.

you have made it clear that you dont do this type of thing, so please stay out of it. this is not a debate, so if you have nothign postive to add to this, please end it here.

and I dont have to justify my spending to you. you have no idea how much money I have, or how little, nor do you know if someone is sponsiring the upsherin, or if my child has a medical issue, or he came after years of infertility. be it whatever, I dont need a reason.

↑ Motek ↓

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 4:53 pm

You're not getting my point. My point is not how much you personally spend, what your life history is, what your medical history is.

My point is that something sounds mighty strange to me. Instead of jumping to condemn me, either under your screen name or in the break-Yael's-rule-anonymous way, how about listening? If you don't want to listen, fine. So ignore me. But I will post on the topic that was presented.

The thread topic is: "Did you have a theme at your son's upsheren" and my question is:

WHY IS A THEME NECESSARY?

and

Did you have a theme at your wedding? What was it? Or, why didn't you have one?

How about a theme for a bar mitzva - do you plan on having that too?

If so, why?

Do you have any idea what Jews did over the millenia when cutting their son's hair at age 3? Were there party themes? Were there sno-cone machines? moon walks? Were there gifts?

Do you have any idea whether an upsheren is a seudas mitzva or not? Do you care?

Is this primarily a religious event or a social event?

I think these are fair questions. If you choose not to answer them, fine. No need to be nasty about it.

↑ shayna82 ↓

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 5:07 pm

motek, you arent gettign MY POINT.

Lets say a woman didnt have kids for ten years, then finally had one. and they made a huge bris. would you go over to her and tell her how can you justify making such a big thing. who says it has to be big, why spend hundreds when you can spend nothing. would you?

that was my "medical" point.

the fact is, everything is relative. what seems so "expensive" and overdone to you, might seem regular and normal for someone else.

for me, I want nice partys for my kids to have those nice memories, since I didnt have that growing up. thats a reason enough. a good partty, a good time, a nice memory for my kid to look back at.

if you find that so 'SILLY" as you say, then just accept it.

the question is, what did YOU do at your kids partys

southernbubby

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 5:13 pm

I have seen people make a very simple affair out of it. They bring the boy to minyon in the morning, let each man cut some hair and take a pastry on the way out. They make a little party in the Cheder class where the child will be shown the Chumash and the candy is poured on the child's head.
Our youngest child had his birthday on Chol Ha Moed Succos and we were told to wait until after. That made it so that it would conflict with another child from our shul so we got together with the other family and did it together. I figured that if they could have a mass upsherin on Lag B'Omer, we could pair the two boys together.
Its' lovely to celebrate but we need to be sure that our simchas do not become so lavish and competative that others feel pressured to do what they cannot afford. This has become a problem with chassunahs and Bar Mitzvahs and it is a shame to do that with upsherins when there is possibly no minhag to make a seudah for the entire community.

↑ Motek ↓

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 5:13 pm

Quote:

I want nice partys for my kids to have those nice memories, since I didnt have that growing up. thats a reason enough. a good partty, a good time, a nice memory for my kid to look back at.

I think that's very nice, to want nice memories for your children. I'm just taken aback that what I thought was a religious event, an upsheren, is just a "party, a good time" and a "nice memory."

I hope you won't say the same thing for the bar mitzva, that's all ... Confused

↑ Motek ↓

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 7:44 pm

shayna82 wrote:

who said I didnt consider it a religious event?

well, you're mentioning everything but ... Confused

Quote:

if u have fun at a wedding, according to your logic that means its not a reigious event.!

Fun?

I've heard weddings described as very lively or lebedig, that there was true simcha, that the various people looked so happy etc. but fun? Confused

Not that you can't enjoy yourself at a religious function like a wedding, but it seems to me to be missing the point of it all.

littles

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 8:53 pm

Can we just get back on subject here. Shayna82 is simply looking for ideas. She does not have to answer to anyone why she wants to do anything.

Motek, why do you have to nitpick on everone's words? Lighten up. I do not believe this thread was started to become a debate.

I think the train or truck full of mitzvos is a wonderful idea. I am sure he will have many fond memories of the day.

↑ shayna82 ↓

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 8:58 pm

thanks littles for that!

motek, the topic of the thread was not: lets talk about religion, obviously you do the religious aspects of it, like take the kid to school, read the rebbes letter and so on. but it dosnt have to end there.

motek , just answer this: do you ever get a manicure for yom tov? do you ever buy yourself a pair of jewlery for yom tov? or a nice new outfit? How about purchasing a nice cake for succos?

im sure you have done at least one of the above? if thats the case, how do YOU justify spending money like that for your own self stuff, isnt it about the holiday? who needs jewlery...

if you catch my drift

Estee2

Sun, Apr 30 2006, 9:01 pm

Quote:

WHY IS A THEME NECESSARY?

and

Did you have a theme at your wedding? What was it? Or, why didn't you have one?

How about a theme for a bar mitzva - do you plan on having that too?

I think, at these religious events, it is sometimes helpful to
connect it all together in an appealing way that beautifies
the important Mitzva. Most times, we do this automatically.

There are so many other factors at a Chasunah,
especially B'Ruchnius, but even there, we have
color themes (colored gowns, napkins/tablecloths, sometimes flowers, etc..).
Even the food sometimes "goes together".... makes sense together;
doesn't 'clash'.

Centerpieces usually have a theme - even at a Bar Mitzvah.
Connect the Ruchniius and Gashmius...

I suppose there are more choices when it comes to a 3 yr old's
religious event, but I look at it all (the Torahs, tzitzis cake, the 'boys toys')
as simple as an 'expanded color scheme' to beautify the Mitzvah....
And the 3-8 yr olds who come can
have a great time. The adults will appreciate any creativity (especially
if done as a community Peulah, that makes religion exciting
and appealing) We've often had people come who had never been to
an Upshernish -- so it leaves them with a great taste about
the different religious aspects of our lives and how to connect to Hashem,
B'Simcha. Smile

imashosh

Tue, Aug 22 2006, 7:08 pm

I think a way you could incorporate a truck theme is by simply buying truck themed plates and accesories, make or buy a truck themed cake and/or truck themed party favors/loot bags and leave the rest of the upsherin to the actually goings on of the upsherin.
I didnt have a theme for my son's upsherin but wanted to let you know that making all the food buffet style really made things easy for me, Especially since my due date for my third baby was 2 weeks later (ended up coming a week later though Very Happy

) Everything was already set up and hot by the time people began coming that I was able to focus on my son and everything he was going through on such a big day for him.