Friend of DD is not great for her- WWYD?

amother

Wed, Nov 11 2009, 2:10 pm

My 3rd grade DD is really well liked in her class, but as her teacher told me, sometimes the girls with "all" the friends in reality don't have many close friends. She has one friend in particular that she considers a "best" friend this year, but I see she is having a negative impact on DD.
The friend is an ok kid, but b/c she has some issues (learning issues mostly) she has been really kvetchy about school/teachers and DD has been starting up with teachers whereas until now she has been a super student. It seems the friend is dragging her down with a negative mentality. I did discuss this with the principal, and two of her teachers, and they noticed it too. The friend is also a year older (but in the same grade) and I wonder if she is too "old" for her. My DD overall is not a happy camper right now. You know what that's like- when you want to behave in class but your friend talks to you and you get in trouble, or the other kid answers back to the teacher so you do it too to please them?
I don't want to cause hurt feelings, but is there a subtle way to guide her to be close to others who would be more appropriate for her?
BTW, this is not a case of "popularity" or anything about "coolness" here. I am really concerned about DD's change of attitude but I wonder if it's ok to influence who she's friends with? I spoke to the main teacher just now and she asked me to tell her a few names of other girls DD would like to sit near, which may help in the classroom, but what about outside of it?

bandcm

Wed, Nov 11 2009, 7:28 pm

From my experience as a teacher and a student (my kids are homeschooled, so I don't have any parental experience), you cannot make your daughter change friends. If you tell her that this friend is no good, she will likely strengthen her ties with her. Same if her teacher tells her.
If I were you, I would ask your daughter why her attitude is changing, her teachers have noticed it, etc. If you make the conversation non-threatening, your daughter might be the one to come up with the answer. Then you can ask her what she can do about it, etc.