What if a mother says this to you????

amother ↓

Fri, Sep 11 2009, 12:23 pm

If a childs nose is running by pick up time and you, the teacher has been wiping it all day, and the mother says please make sure to wipe his nose, what would your reaction be after a hard day at work????
I got to emotional and said ive been wiping it but its been running all day, I just wiped it etc. we do wipe noses....
im very upset at myself for getting all emotional but it was at a very overwhelming time and I wiped his nose the whole day etc.

Fri, Sep 11 2009, 12:42 pm

I think what you told her was just fine. You let her know a) that you wipe it, but b) it's still dirty since it has been running all day. You gave her an answer to her comment and let her know that nothing else could have been done. Don't worry.

gold21 ↓

Fri, Sep 11 2009, 1:08 pm

the mother probably didnt realize you were wiping it all day. so you could have simply said, "oh I know, his nose has been running all day, and we have been wiping it and wiping it, but its pretty much running nonstop. does he have a cold or allergies or anything I should know about?" in a calm and professional tone. Now, that being said, nobody, and that is absolutely nobody, responds to people in exactly the perfect way every single time. That is the way it is. So dont think about it anymore, you said what probably many a stressed teacher has said.

NotInNJMommy

Fri, Sep 11 2009, 1:12 pm

I guess it would depend on the tone to be sure. I would want to just speak up for the mother who may not have meant anything bad by the comment--simply put, she is her child's only advocate and in order to be sure that he's being taken care of, she wanted to say something--and she may have been stressed too and it didn't come out as nicely as it could have.

Again, the tone would make a difference, and I wasn't there.

Annie

Fri, Sep 11 2009, 1:16 pm

What gold21 said is perfect. I would definitely say something about cold/allergies b/c especially with it almost being flu season, a kid with a runny nose that's not allergies shouldn't really be in school.

↑ gold21

Fri, Sep 11 2009, 1:56 pm

I want to amend my previous response by adding that teachers do need to find a balance where they are kind to the mothers, and not snappy or rude, but not being a schmattah either. my initial reaction when I saw this thread "what would you say if a mom said this to you???????" with all those bazillions of question marks, I thought the mom must have said "hey mrs frankenstein you really need a new shaitel and makeover", and not "please wipe my sons nose". I do think that successful teachers are those who learn the art of speaking calmly and kindly to parents, while not turning into a schmattah.

Fri, Sep 11 2009, 3:45 pm

While a teacher may be wiping the child's nose and be exhausted by the end of the day, to be fair the parent does not know this.

Even if the parent said it with attitude its always good to respond diplomatically, the majority of parents will respond well and adjust their tone.

The best response would be along the lines of "thanks for pointing that out. His/her nose has been running the whole day and we have been wiping it"

Then I would remind the parent of the sickness policy of the school (provided there is one, and if there is not - that should be addressed)

As a side note addressed to teachers in general (not the OP) - Parents often have no idea of the great things that go on in your classroom and the amount of work you put into teaching their children. Keep them updated whether by newsletter or emailed updates or the occasional personal note and take pictures whenever possible.

Isramom8

Sat, Sep 12 2009, 10:40 am

Better not to wipe it all day, but make a special effort to do so right before the mom shows up. The first impression a mother sees froms her opinion of what goes on in school. It makes you feel secure when you pick up you child and she is clean, happy and has all her belongings.

pacifier

Sat, Sep 12 2009, 6:20 pm

it's not being emotional to say that you wiped it all day.
you might have even added that kids that have a real runny nose shouldn't be sent to school because they might get others sick as well....

bubby

Sat, Sep 12 2009, 7:12 pm

ShakleeMom wrote:

I am speechless.

Apart from anything else, a child with a yucky nose shouldn't be in school. But again, this mother would probably send little Mary with swine flu, just to get her out of the house. OP, you were polite. I'm not sure how I would have responded Rolling Eyes

Maybe save all the snotty tissues for her to see exactly how much you worked on this? And then she'll probably complain you didn't use Puffs with Aloe & poor Mary's nose is now sore Mad

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Sep 12 2009, 7:58 pm

Thank you all so much for responding. It's comforting to know that people understand me.
I will resend home a memo of our sickness policy.
I was upset with myself for responding with an unprofessional response. I will make sure not to do this in the future. I hope the mother is not uspet at me. I guess the bottem line is that I'm human..and that not everything will be perfect.

MMEC123

Sun, Sep 13 2009, 5:51 am

bubby wrote:

ShakleeMom wrote:

I am speechless.

Maybe save all the snotty tissues for her to see exactly how much you worked on this? And then she'll probably complain you didn't use Puffs with Aloe & poor Mary's nose is now sore Mad

Not all snotty noses mean sick. Sometimes it is allergies. Also, most doctors will say you can send a kid with a runny nose as long as they seem otherwise fine (no fever, regular energy, etc.). I used to work full-time and there were many times I would debate for a long time what to do with my child that day but you just can't keep a kid home every time they have a runny nose.

↑ amother

Mon, Sep 14 2009, 10:16 am

Thank you for saying that, MMEC123. Last year I had a teacher nudge the daylights out of me about one of my children who had a perpetually runny nose. I kept telling her over and over again that he had gone to the doctor, who had said it was allergies and not contagious, and that the child was not running a fever and felt fine other than the drip. Finally after about the 5th note/phone call from her I had the doctor write a physical note saying that it was fine for the child to be in school, which he took with him to class. It was pretty infuriating, though, that I had to go through that. What did she think - that I was LYING to her??!! Good grief!

louche

Mon, Sep 14 2009, 10:37 am

amother wrote:

What did she think - that I was LYING to her??!! Good grief!

Sorry to say, there are parents who will indeed lie about such things. Read the various threads about people sending kids to school when they're sick.

Chayalle

Tue, Sep 15 2009, 7:26 am

Quote:

Not all snotty noses mean sick. Sometimes it is allergies. Also, most doctors will say you can send a kid with a runny nose as long as they seem otherwise fine (no fever, regular energy, etc.).

That is correct. I've had times where I would have to keep my DD home all winter if I would keep her home for a runny nose.

My baby gets a runny nose every time a tooth comes in. I find that a chiropractor helps with that - the adjustment helps her to clear up much faster, and it doesn't turn into an ear infection. My doctor said that as long as there is no fever and she is acting normal I can send her.

I was floored, though, when she was coming home with a dried guck under her nose, and I asked the baby sitter (nicely) if she could wipe her nose every now and then...and the babysitter answered that she doesn't believe in wiping noses much, as the kids don't like it and she feels that it's just for the mothers that noses gets wiped while the kids don't really need it!

(and the skin underneath gets all sore too....and the kids sure don't like that!)

It was time to find a new babysitter....

DovDov

Tue, Sep 15 2009, 8:14 am

Last year DS had a perpetual runny nose that the allergist swore was not allergies but lo and behold it dried up completely as soon as he was put on allergy medicine (because of asthma attacks that happened a couple of months after our first visit). If I'd kept him home for that, he would never have been in school.

Last week DS had a nasty cold, drippy nose, ugly sounding cough, and all. Low peak flows, meaning incipient asthma attack too (cold induced, no doubt). No fever. The school called me to find out why he hadn't been in school that day, and when I explained, they lectured me on the phone about how you can't keep a kid home from school because of a cold -- if there's no fever, and he's not acting unhappy (he wasn't), he should be in school. (Mind you, he's three years old. This is not high school, where he's missing anything important.) I politely explained that since his peak flows were 50% what they should have been, we wanted to be able to monitor and administer emergency asthma medicine as needed and they backed off, but sheesh, who yells at a parent for not sending their coughing, drippy, TODDLER to NURSERY school?