8 year old bullied at camp-- aidle response to nasty kids?

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Aug 04 2009, 2:02 am

Fox wrote:

I don't want to become too theoretical and thus go too far off-topic, but I think bullying and plain old nastiness is something that we in the yeshivishe world really, really need to take seriously in our schools and camps.

Unfortunately, I've had teachers and administrators basically tell my children that they were lying or exaggerating about incidents because the predator was "from one of our best families." Also, I am sorry to report that money and influence talk when it comes to these matters. The leverage of taking your child out of school or camp isn't so great if the administration doesn't really care if you're there in the first place.

My DH has such fond memories of his kollel years, but I find myself recoiling when he mentions some of his old buddies -- knowing that their daughters have the foulest mouths around. And I don't mean "swear words"; I mean speech that is hurtful and insulting for no good reason. Frankly, I'd rather hear the swear words.

For example, two of Chicago's finest young ladies chatted with my DD, who was watching her babysitting charges at the park on Tisha B'Av afternoon. They apparently felt the need to tell her how "lame" it was that she wasn't going to sleepaway camp. On Tisha B'Av! DD told me this story conversationally, with no particular malice; she simply believes that people affiliated with a particular group act this way.

Until our administrators, teachers, camp directors, et. al., become brave enough to enforce behavior codes that come within a fraction of the "frumkeit" demanded by their tznius codes, bullying and hateful behavior will be excused away and swept under the rug. When hateful communication gets a young lady expelled faster than a too-high hemline . . . that's when bullying will suddenly become a less intractable problem.

OP here:

I'm inclined to agree with you about a lot of this. We are Baalei Teshuva. One of the things we are doing teshuva for is using our words for bad. As an adult, I avoid ladies who speak in an harsh or judgmental way. My dd has different qualifications for friends Smile

↑ amother

Tue, Aug 04 2009, 2:08 am

OP here: Problem solved!! (at least for now...)

After a really long series of conversations with my dd, I called her counselor. I told her who was doing what to my dd. I also told her that the girl will likely become sneakier about the behavior if confronted. I told her to take my daughter's word seriously, and immediately act if my daughter comes to complain. My daughter is very, very talkative, and very open with me about (most) of what goes on in her life. I believe every word she says about kids at school and camp. She will tell me what happened, but also how she came to the understanding that she did.

She does not think she is being bullied. She thinks that's only for girls with not as many friends.

Anyway......thanks for your help!!