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-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
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amother
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 Mon, Jul 13 2009, 9:35 pm
My 8 year old daughter has hairy arms & legs (which she notices about herself and has recently commented on) and a hairy back (which I don't think she's aware of). She is a cute, slim, beautiful girl, and honestly, I don't think the hairiness is a problem (it's not that dark, but it is noticeable). Especially at her age. It's soft and natural-looking, not strange. But then, I'm used to her, and also, I'm a "natural" type of person. (For example, I shave under my arms but no where else - although personally I have almost nonexistent hair on my arms & legs).
Soooooo my big question is this: she's going to camp in a few weeks. I'm afraid that the other girls may notice and comment about the hairiness and make her self-conscious in a negative way that she has never been until now. She is very confident and happy with herself right now! I don't want some girl's thoughtless comments (which I'm imagining could happen) to change that.
Soooooo the actual question is: do you think I should ask if she wants to remove the hair? Possibly with a spray or cream that I've seen in the stores? (Do those work, by the way, and are they safe for kids?)
Or would my even asking about this put self-doubt into her head, which is what I'm trying to avoid in the first place?
Should this whole question just wait until her teen years, when she can decide what to do if and when it ever bothers her? But then what if something happens at camp that really affects her in a bad way?
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Lady Godiva
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Mon, Jul 13 2009, 9:42 pm
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Absolutely do not ask her, so as not to put the ideas in her head. She's only eight and she should not have to worry about hair on her arms and legs. Chances are, nothing will happen at camp and she will be self conscious for no reason. She's too young to worry about it.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 23 2009, 5:28 pm
I agree with lady G. I myself have always been a hairy child (just runs in most, if not all, sefardi families). honestly, never bothered me, and nobody ever teased me about it. when I got married, though, I saw that my sister in law removes all her body hair with an epilator. at first I thought it was weird, but now I feel so self conscious about my own body. honestly, though, I would much prefer to go back to my confident, ignorant days  . oh, well.
I'm sure your daughter is beautiful, and I hope that you will always instill that in her, no matter what anyone says....
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Emee
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Thu, Jul 23 2009, 5:48 pm
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Did she go off to camp yet? How did it work out? I have a daughter like that but she is only 5 and I really think by 8 I may have to do something.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 23 2009, 6:34 pm
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OP here! I took everyone's advice and did not say a thing. Honestly, she is extremely lovely and sociable and confident and I just don't even want to put a tiny bit of self-doubt into her mind. She has not yet left for camp but I will try to report back here in a few weeks or a month...
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Merrymom
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Sat, Jul 25 2009, 10:32 pm
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I have a very very hairy six year old that has a unibrow and is hairy all over. I can only imagine what she's going to be like once she reaches puberty and we are not sfardic! Sometimes I bribe her to let me tweeze a couple of hairs but I stop if she says no more. Mainly though I just ignore it. I don't know what I'm going to do honestly because the rest of the family is pretty fair including myself and I'm completely clueless. How much hair can you remove already and what do you use/do?
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amother
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Sat, Jul 25 2009, 10:46 pm
OP here, Merrymom - sounds very challenging with your daughter. My daughter doesn't have thick or connected eyebrows but does have hair almost everywhere else... I do worry about her when she hits puberty, but then again at that point it will probably be her decision to remove whatever bothers her.
I saw spray and cream hair removers in the drug store and wonder if these are safe and OK to use on children. Could be a fast solution for a unibrow? And elsewhere.
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shosh
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Sat, Jul 25 2009, 10:52 pm
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Just curious, but I wonder if puberty and its various changes could mean that some of this body hair will fall out anyway ...
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Merrymom
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Sun, Jul 26 2009, 7:45 am
| shosh wrote: | | Just curious, but I wonder if puberty and its various changes could mean that some of this body hair will fall out anyway ... |
I don't think so, DH's family is like this although I don't know about their backs. I do know they were always going for eloctrolysis whatever that is.
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Starhavah
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Tue, Jul 28 2009, 7:18 pm
I have a related question. My DD is 9. She has had underarm hair for about a year now. It started out very fine and downy, but now it is brown and like any other underarm hair althought there is not as much of it as an adult has.
She is a beautiful girl, but she is very self concious about it. She told me she refuses to raise her hand in swimming (to answer questions and stuff, she does swim properly) because she is so self concious about it. Swimming is of course the only time that someone would see her underms since the rest of the time she is covered. She complained to me that this is abnormal "because even the teenagers at camp" do not have hair there. I had to explain the teenagers shave.
I do not shave my underarms and when kids at the pool ask me about it (I teach swimming), I say that is the way HaShem made adult women and I would not change HaShem's work. My daughter has heard me say this, but she is much more of a conformist than I am. She wants to shave now. DH and I both think she is too young to shave or for dipilatory creams, etc. WWYD? Am I wrong to suggest she not shave? I wish she were less self concious and more confident.
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chayasora
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Tue, Jul 28 2009, 7:53 pm
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Absolutely let her shave--she will be so embarrassed otherwise.
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Merrymom
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Tue, Jul 28 2009, 7:58 pm
| Starhavah wrote: | I have a related question. My DD is 9. She has had underarm hair for about a year now. It started out very fine and downy, but now it is brown and like any other underarm hair althought there is not as much of it as an adult has.
She is a beautiful girl, but she is very self concious about it. She told me she refuses to raise her hand in swimming (to answer questions and stuff, she does swim properly) because she is so self concious about it. Swimming is of course the only time that someone would see her underms since the rest of the time she is covered. She complained to me that this is abnormal "because even the teenagers at camp" do not have hair there. I had to explain the teenagers shave.
I do not shave my underarms and when kids at the pool ask me about it (I teach swimming), I say that is the way HaShem made adult women and I would not change HaShem's work. My daughter has heard me say this, but she is much more of a conformist than I am. She wants to shave now. DH and I both think she is too young to shave or for dipilatory creams, etc. WWYD? Am I wrong to suggest she not shave? I wish she were less self concious and more confident. |
My 12 year old doesn't even have underarm hair. Why make her feel different than all the other children even if what you say is true about women having underarm hair. She is not a woman, let her decide to keep it later if she wants to when she's not the only one. BTW just because Hashem made something doesn't mean it's in its perfect form. If that were true none of us would ever cut our hair, fingernails, or put a little lotion on our bodies.
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blahblah
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Tue, Jul 28 2009, 8:01 pm
I'm not a big believer in telling kids "that's how hashem made me so I won't shave".....kids will tease her and there's no reason for her to be embaressed that way.
OP - at the point that she is ready to do something about her body hair, and I do agree with the others that you should not bring it up......only do something once she says soemthing, but I would do something more permanent than shaving and sprays and stuff for somethinhg like back hair.....depending on how much/thick/dark it is, I would speak to a dermatologist about permanent removal so she doesnt have to deal with it for th erest of her life. if she starts by using the temporary things, the hairs will grow back thicker and less controllable adn will be harder to remove permanently later on in life.
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msym
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Tue, Jul 28 2009, 8:05 pm
| Starhavah wrote: | I have a related question. My DD is 9. She has had underarm hair for about a year now. It started out very fine and downy, but now it is brown and like any other underarm hair althought there is not as much of it as an adult has.
She is a beautiful girl, but she is very self concious about it. She told me she refuses to raise her hand in swimming (to answer questions and stuff, she does swim properly) because she is so self concious about it. Swimming is of course the only time that someone would see her underms since the rest of the time she is covered. She complained to me that this is abnormal "because even the teenagers at camp" do not have hair there. I had to explain the teenagers shave.
I do not shave my underarms and when kids at the pool ask me about it (I teach swimming), I say that is the way HaShem made adult women and I would not change HaShem's work. My daughter has heard me say this, but she is much more of a conformist than I am. She wants to shave now. DH and I both think she is too young to shave or for dipilatory creams, etc. WWYD? Am I wrong to suggest she not shave? I wish she were less self concious and more confident. |
I really think you should let her shave-its so embarressing for a kid 
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mummiedearest
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Wed, Jul 29 2009, 5:24 pm
| Starhavah wrote: | I have a related question. My DD is 9. She has had underarm hair for about a year now. It started out very fine and downy, but now it is brown and like any other underarm hair althought there is not as much of it as an adult has.
She is a beautiful girl, but she is very self concious about it. She told me she refuses to raise her hand in swimming (to answer questions and stuff, she does swim properly) because she is so self concious about it. Swimming is of course the only time that someone would see her underms since the rest of the time she is covered. She complained to me that this is abnormal "because even the teenagers at camp" do not have hair there. I had to explain the teenagers shave.
I do not shave my underarms and when kids at the pool ask me about it (I teach swimming), I say that is the way HaShem made adult women and I would not change HaShem's work. My daughter has heard me say this, but she is much more of a conformist than I am. She wants to shave now. DH and I both think she is too young to shave or for dipilatory creams, etc. WWYD? Am I wrong to suggest she not shave? I wish she were less self concious and more confident. |
if you don't want to let her shave, why not buy her a swim top with sleeves?
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