Annoyed at everything DD does

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

staten islander ↓

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 7:47 pm

I dont know what to do! Lately,I am annoyed at everything DD(6 yo) does. It starts in the morning. It takes her forever to get ready and I am always running late. Bedtime is a struggle , too.Homework takes a long timeShe is extremely sensitive-will cry if I look at her the wrong way. I hate being annoyed at my child esp. since I never get that feeling with my 3 yo ds.

ShakleeMom ↓

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 7:56 pm

Can you perhaps get to the core of the issue? Maybe unorganized morning schedules makes her anxious, which causes her to stumble through her tasks, which makes everybody late… and then nervous.

Maybe she is obnoxious (doesn’t sound like it) and just acts defiantly and needs a new direction for discipline?

There are so many reasons for this to happen and you need to dig deeper. Take it apart some more. Example: today’s morning scenario, step by step. What happened from when she awoke until she left to school.

↑ staten islander ↓

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:06 pm

She is not obnoxious at all. She has no problem getting up early on Shabbat or Sunday, even after getting the same amount of sleep as on weekdays. But stupid little things annoy me and I feel terrible because I am constantly disciplining her. I do it in a nice way, but still. Problem is that I have no reference point on what to expect from a 6 yr old. All my friends have kids that are a few years younger so I never know if I am too strict or too lax.

↑ ShakleeMom ↓

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:08 pm

Again… she’s not waking up early enough? I’m trying to put a tab on your annoyance, maybe it’s legit. If not, then you need to ease up and learn some relaxation techniques. If you have this level of anxiety for other things too, you may need to take a new approach for yourself personally. But I still think you need to examine WHAT exactly is ticking you off.

cip

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:15 pm

I once went through a similar period with my oldest dd. like shaklee said, I took a step back to access the situation and relized I'm expecting too much from her. she is still a baby. if she would be the youngest in the family at that age she would probably be expected to be less independent and be babied around more. btw, I commend you for realizing the problem. that is 1/2 the solution.

anewday

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:18 pm

maybe take her out and giver her some "mommy time" and buy her a lunch privately so she feels close to u and would be happy to do things for u?! justs a guess...

↑ staten islander ↓

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:22 pm

I am incredibly organized, always know where my things are , on time, etc. DD has no concept of time, hurrying up. It stresses me out. I have a structured routine for both morning and evening .Today, for ex, DD was brushing her teeth for 15 mins. I was very annoyed and told her to hurry up and get dressed, which also took her much longer then what I think is reasonable. She also tries to upset her little brother on purpose and then pretend that she didnt do it. I I give her a red lolli and him a green lolli, she will say:"Oh, I have a red and you have green", getting him to cry and also ask for red. When I ask her why she did it, she will say ;"Oh, I just wanted him to know that mine is red". She knows what his reaction will be and I think she relishes it

NotInNJMommy ↓

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:24 pm

Would she be interested in a chart, where she'd earn marks for ea. thing done on time (ie. a few getting ready in teh AM steps? in the PM steps?) and then she'd earn something when she has a "good enough" day....might be just getting 1 thing done at first, and working up to 100% eventually?

↑ ShakleeMom ↓

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:24 pm

SI have you ever read 1-2-3 magic? She is at the perfect stage now where it will work like charm. She’s simply discovering which buttons she can push with you and finally, mastered it grandly. You need to learn how to calmly exhibit control in a loving yet firm way. The book works fabulously and is very cheap.

↑ NotInNJMommy

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:24 pm

ShakleeMom wrote:

I also thought of this too. great idea.

↑ staten islander ↓

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:25 pm

How do mothers that did not grow up in large families and dont have older siblings know what age appropriate behavior is? I am embarrassed to ask the other mothers in DDs class because I feel that this knowledge should be innate and I am the only one that doesnt have it

↑ ShakleeMom ↓

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:27 pm

You have a legit question. Unfortunately. Many of us learn on our oldest child! Also, invite other classmates for playdates and Shabbos guest. You will be surprised to learn how mature your dd is.

↑ staten islander

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:30 pm

I just went on the website and ordered the 123 book. I will let you know how it goes.Thank you !

↑ ShakleeMom

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 8:31 pm

Wow, you're a great mommy!

Mommish

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 10:11 pm

I have gone through this a few times with my oldest dd, who is the same age as yours. One of the most effective things for me is to just remember back to when I was that age and realize that I was SO young. I think we tend to have very high expectations for the oldest child. When my younger one does the same things that the oldest used to do it now makes me laugh, not scream. I recently took her out by herself in Manhattan and seeing her in that context, so small and wide-eyed, everything new to her made me take a step back and be able to appreciate her.

I think you also need to try to conquer one problem at a time. Doing homework is not something to worry about in the summer. You can be careful to always give exactly the same treat to avoid conflict. It sounds like more positive attention and much less attention for bad behavior may go a long way. If she taunts her brother about a lolli, just ignore it. Don't engage her in a discussion about why she did it; you know why (so that you will pay more attention to her.)

She's not going to be able to work on your schedule, so you have to be one step ahead; figure out how long she generally takes and try to give her enough time. (Of course its not always possible.) As for getting dressed, my dd loves having a getting-dressed contest with me or setting a timer and seeing if she can finish before the timer goes off. The point is to try to de-stress the situation as much as possible. Make everything a game, and let her win. (For the getting-dressed contest I usually finish first, so I just sit in my room having my coffee for 5 min while she frantically tries to beat me. Then when she announces that she's done I'll come out and say "oh no, I still have to put on my sheitel. You win!" (You may have to use incentives to get her interested in these kinds of games initially.) Hope this helps!

octopus

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 10:25 pm

your dd is probably picking up on your feelings. even if you say it nicely. just something to think about.

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2009, 10:50 pm

I am going through similar experience with 11 yr old dd. I am thinking it might be attention deficit disorder (ADD). Don't mean to scare you but I am thinking along those lines.

Merrymom

Thu, Jul 16 2009, 11:56 pm

staten islander wrote:

It's not a coincidence that Hashem gave you a child that is the opposite of you, at least in this respect. Hashem wants you to learn how to accept different people for the way that they are and not think that everything needs to run according to your needs and desires. That being said how much time are you giving DD to get ready in the morning? I know in my house it's 30 minutes for getting ready and another 30 minutes for breakfast. If I oversleep it is not my kids fault and they shouldn't have to pay the price, I do, so there's no yelling and no disciplining in the morning. You don't want to knock a kid's self-esteem down just as she's about to interact with other children. She needs to start her day off feeling good about herself and loved by her parents.

Page 1 of 1