teenage bullying(girls)

sharon ↓

Mon, Sep 20 2004, 8:22 am

I'm a mother of a 13year old girl, amongst three younger kids, and am experiencing bullying in her classroom. Does anyone have tips on how to deal with it? The girl in question is doing it for the second year of school and I'm at my witts end trying to calm my daughter yet on the other hand seathing at the schools administration for not acting on my request.

RachelSteph

Mon, Sep 20 2004, 1:46 pm

I'm sorry I really don't know what you can do right now, bullying is really a horrible thing, it can do a lot to a child’s development, When my kids start going to school I know that I wont stand for it at all, if I see or hear of it happening in my child’s school I'm going to get involved right away to end it. The only thing I can think of right now is to try to discuss it with your daughter and if after dealings with the school doesn't work then I would consider changing schools if it's with in your means, and okay with your daughter. This subject is very touchy, but also very serious, oh and does she go to a Jewish school? Because fighting among Jews is very bad and should be taught that. With all of the things going on in the world all Jews must stand together helping each other to become one and end all of this hatred in the world!

Nechama

Tue, Sep 21 2004, 1:27 am

Can you give an example of the bullying? I know with my kids, and with my SIL's kids we practice responses. Turn around the bully's words to a positive slant.
My nephew was told "Your door is always open, that's stupid." He said "Well MY family practices hachnosas orchim."
My daughter (11) was told, "Those shoes are ugly." She responded, "I like them and I'm the one who wears them." or "That is not a very Ahavas Yisroel'dike way to speak, now, is it?"
My Favorite!! is when told "You're ugly!" My dd answers "Sheker hachein v'hevel hayofi"
Its a little better than "That's what YOU think." A mini lecture by a peer. And it helps the kids see that the other person is not practicing derech eretz. It also empowers them.
Just think of good quotes from pirkei avos or Torah etc that are good 'one-liners' that can fit just about any situation.

↑ sharon ↓

Tue, Sep 21 2004, 6:14 pm

Thank you ladies for your responses. To answer you, yes we absolutely go to a Jewish school. Secondly, the bullying is underminded, the looks, the glares and sometimes intruding into a conversation and switching the conversation to focus on this girl (bully).
My husband and I actually met with the administration yesterday to get a response from them and so far, the general studies principal has spoken to the teachers to make them aware of what is going on and she spoke to my daughter to ensure her that she has their support and to keep them aware of what is going on in class, hopefully this will help for the time being. My daughter seemed happy when she came home yesterday but today, when I asked her to think about inviting a girl over for shabbes lunch (next week of course) she was very "down" about it, didn't want to make an effort.
I only hope that with the new year, we will see some progress and a turn for her!
Almost forgot, thx for the tips about Pirkei Avot, I have to refresh myself and will definately forward this to my daughter. Smile

miriam

Sun, Sep 26 2004, 2:04 am

I agree with the other's advice. GREAT WORDS. I just want to add how important for your daughter's self image not decrease because of all this. You are one of the best judges of this. You have to help her keep her head up high and remember she is a Bas Melech no matter what someone says to her or what they think of her. It is so painful in the moment. I hated being the butt of my peers stories and being made fun of. Keep making her feeling special and heard.

↑ sharon ↓

Mon, Sep 27 2004, 5:32 pm

Thanks. The worse was erev yom kippur after I benched lecht and said gmar tov to my daughter and she started crying that she has no friends and that nobody is nice to her in school. So after talking for 1/2 hour we made a plan that there are three girls that she would like to have over and thankfully today she asked one of them at school to come over shabbes of sukkot- I only hope and pray that the girl will come! It's not easy, I remember being bullied but also at this age I had at least one close friend, and my daughter doesn't. That's what hurts the most.

Thanks for everyones advice, it's a long road ahead but as long as we are treading water, we'll survive! Rolling Eyes

Tefila ↓

Sun, Oct 17 2004, 12:36 am

Instill lots of confidence in her which I am sure you are already doing but but maybe she needs that bit more. Someone who constantly starts up with my 12yr old told him a joke after making lots of fun at him The kid said when there is a lub and shvatser in a car do u know who is driving my son wasnt intrested so the kid said a policeman to which my son retorted you forgot to add that you were sitting in the back between them with handcuffs. Or a kid said to one of my kids you are a mentalcase he answered it takes one to know one. Sometimes ignoring it is the answer. Tell your daughter they are the ones that need pitiying not her.
Or someone with glasses told my sis when she was 10yrs she was ugly to which she retorted maybe you need a new prescription Exclamation

Talk about humility Rolling Eyes

ForeverYoung
Guest

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 12:11 pm

it is not so simple. I wish ignoring was the answer. Even if yo igmore it, it hurts. Speaking from experience. I spent 1 year in the class where they liked me only when needed to copy h/work or cheat on the exams. (most of almost 30 of them). I began doing my h/work during resesses, so that they would have nothing to copy (even though I got lower grades b/c of silly mistakes & sloppy writing). I had headackes every day & cried from them. Oh, I did ignore them. & I do have a pretty sharp tongue too. But it hurts like hell, no matter how high you stik your nose.
There was another 'normal' girl there, but she had it better,as she was a niece of one of the teaches + cama only on temporary basis.
When she was around it was better.
My mother pushed the administration to swith me to another class, with normal kids.

I try to teach my kids now that it doesn't matter what others say, as long as they know who they are & that H' & parents love them no matter what.

Sharon, how's your daughter doing now?

↑ Tefila

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 2:12 pm

Quote:

I try to teach my kids now that it doesn't matter what others say, as long as they know who they are & that H' & parents love them no matter what.

Great Job

Rivka

Mon, Nov 29 2004, 7:45 pm

Bullying isn't great news and if the administration are not doing enough about it then the only thing I would suggest is to take your daughter out of the school (if there are other Jewish schools around).
The fact that your daughter has no close friend is that in school or also out of school? Are there any after school activities or youth groups she can join where she can meet new people?
Maybe talk with your daughter about the situation coz then you will know what is going on in her mind and in the class.
I don't understand if she likes the school or not or if she just doesn't like the girls in her class.

AweSumThenSum

Wed, Dec 29 2004, 9:02 pm

sharon, havent heard from u onthis subject in a while. how are things now? also, were the bully's parents contacted? what is her home life like? perhaps she suffers at home and lets it out in school?

↑ sharon

Sun, Jan 09 2005, 7:28 pm

Hi Ladies, haven't had a chance to come back on-board and I see that there are over 3,000 messages since I last logged on . B"H the board is growing by leaps and bounds.
Back to my situation. My daughters social scene is status quo. She doesn't mention this girl "bullying" her anymore. My daughter has learned to speak up when need be and I noticed quite a maturation in her demeanour (sp) over the last while. She is now focusing onto getting into the high school that she wants to. Unfortunately the kids that she is now with tend to all gravitate towards the same high school. Fortunately the kid who was tormenting my daughter is leaving for greener pastures overseas, b'h, not too soon for me though. So that is where we are at for now and hope to be able to report better in the next short while!. Thx so much for your feed back and suggestions!! LOL