Fairies and unicorns and magic - oh my!

amother ↓

Tue, May 19 2009, 9:23 pm

Help! My daughter (8) has a friend who is really into fairies (she always comes home from her friend's house with a fairy coloring page printed from the internet), books about magic/fantasy (kiddie stuff, not Harry Potter), unicorns, etc.... I don't like it, but can't quite pinpoint why. I'm picky about the library books she brings home and have no problem rejecting books I think are not appropriate, but these kind of slip in because they seem kind of pareve... but then again, kind of not.

Can anyone help me clarify why I have misgivings about these kinds of topics? Jewish sources that may be unconsciously giving me bad feelings toward magic & related topics... help me understand whether or not these are acceptable for a Jewish child to read. I try not to be too restrictive because there is plenty that I DO say no to, but I'm having a hard time with drawing the line with this one.

louche ↓

Tue, May 19 2009, 9:53 pm

Not knowing you or your hashkafa or your community I couldn't say, and there's no way I'm going to tell you this is or is not acceptable. There is hardly anything that some Jewish group will not label unacceptable, and the fact that you're even asking the question leads me to believe that your community is one that would not approve. When I was growing up it wasn't even a question. Most people I know inhaled fairy tales as children and from what I can see it hasn't done them any harm. They all accepted the stories for what they are--pure fiction, a form of entertainment that has nothing to do with anything. No one I knew thought fairy tales were real, or even partly real. No one I can think of has ended up joining a coven because she read fairy tales. Some males of my acquaintance actually became "fairies", but that's a topic for another thread.

Jews are forbidden to perform magic or consult magicians, and some people have such a horror of the idea that they won't even allow an entertainer to do card tricks unless he shows the audience how it's done. Other people see no problem with such "magic" shows, because they assume the audience knows it's all illusion and dexterity, no real magic involved.

there's plenty of other stuff to read. Why not ask the playmate's mother to direct their play in a different direction?

Lechatchila Ariber ↓

Tue, May 19 2009, 10:01 pm

this topic has come up before and has been argued.
a) why do they need all that junk when we have stories of tzaddikim which are emesdik and close to us and relevant?

b)By surrounding the kids with so much falsehood which (they will one day discover if they don't already know) how are they to believe us that there is a G-d?
all the other stuff is make believe and I'm afraid that the line between the make believe and the emesdike wonders will become blurred in their minds.

I'll try to find a link to that other thread

↑ louche

Tue, May 19 2009, 10:29 pm

Lechatchila Ariber wrote:

Interesting outlook.
I am one of those people who inhaled fairy tales as a kid. I never had any problem knowing they were fiction, not did I have any trouble believing in G-d. Nor did any of my friends, nor did my kids.

I think we give children far too little credit for the intelligence they have.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, May 20 2009, 12:29 am

This is the OP. I want to clarify, I'm not talking about fairy tales, movies, etc. (Thank you for the link to the other thread, although I had read it at the time. But what I'm asking about is different.)

I am talking about FAIRIES. The coloring sheets that come home (and that the friend asks me to print out when she comes to our house) are like these:

Fairies!

Little winged creatures. They live under mushrooms, I think... between blades of grass... very Waldorf-y. They bug me!!!

And the books are what seem to be quite a rampant trend in children's literature at the moment. Magical fantastical stuff about imaginary worlds and flying horses and earth, wind, fire... spells... but all so kiddie it seems sweet and childhood-ish and imagination-ish... and I'm sorry but they BUG ME!

Still, I say no to so many books my daughter wants to read, and for good reason. Kids with bad attitudes and bad language, romantic situations (often with kids...), violence, or just plain crazy useless nonsense. I can't put my finger on a reason to tell my daughter an outright NO to these fantasy books, fairy stuff (not fairy tales), etc. I've tried to explain that they are narishkeit and it's just getting to be too much, but she loves to read and there are so many of these books on the library shelves... whole series... seem to be new ones every day. And they are pretty pareve in terms of having nothing "objectionable"... except the whole concept of it!

With the coloring pages, it's the same thing. I'm picky about what I will let my daughter "put her attention on" as she colors and concentrates on an image... so when her friend comes over and says, can you print out a fairy coloring page for us, I try to say no... but then I am being rude to the friend and she seems so confused, because what on earth could be not OK about a cute girl with wings?

↑ amother ↓

Wed, May 20 2009, 12:32 am

Lechatchila Ariber wrote:

OP again. I actually agree with you completely. I am Lubavitch and I totally hear where you are coming from and have no disagreement. But once the door is open to some (carefully selected) secular literature, it becomes a matter of where to draw the line. In general I have no problem and I'm pretty strict about it. But this particular genre is stumping me for some reason. You're right about it being make-believe nonsense, but I do wonder whether that will really pose a problem to my daughter's awareness & belief in Hashem and in the truth in Torah. I take this seriously. I just wonder if I need to be firm with this or if it's an area that I can bend...

↑ Lechatchila Ariber ↓

Wed, May 20 2009, 12:40 am

louche wrote:

Lechatchila Ariber wrote:

I'm sure and I've thought of that. (I know plenty of people who have been exposed to fairy tales and have come out fine) but I still believe that to some extent there is a desensitization to the kedusha because of it.

I don't see how reality can be as wonderous as it would be to the kids had they not been exposed to the fairys, and to be perfectly honest...I do see a difference between kids who are exposed to it and those who are not. No offence in the world intended, some of these kids are kids of people I'm close to.

↑ Lechatchila Ariber

Wed, May 20 2009, 12:41 am

amother wrote:

Lechatchila Ariber wrote:

I think you need to monitor just how exposed your daughter is becoming to it and how seriously she takes it and then take it from there.

↑ amother

Wed, May 20 2009, 12:46 am

That's sensible, and more or less how I've muddled through until now... but for example, I put aside three books from yet another fantasy series that my daughter got from the library (she knows I always check her books before she's allowed to read them), because it's so earth-wind-fire-magic-lalalalalala that it made my skin feel creepy. But she doesn't understand why she can't read it, and I can't really explain it. I just told her, it's too much! And it is.

But do you (or anyone else) know of any sources, halachos, anything that would help me understand the Jewish point of view on these concepts, or is this really just a matter of a feeling I have? It seems like such a gray area.