12 year old boy wets bed

amother

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 1:38 am

Our son still gets wet at night, I would say more often than not.

He is an extremely heavy sleeper.

On the other hand, he does not get wet when he sleeps at other people's houses (maybe because he doesn't sleep as soundly and is more alert/aware to prevent it).

We want to solve this problem before he is bar mitzvah! Have read about alarms, hypnosis (therapy and CDs, and we got a self-hypnosis kind of storybook).

Have not been punitive AT ALL and have left all responsibility for taking care of his wet stuff etc. to him in a very matter of fact and understanding way. If anything, our son just takes it for granted that this is what happens with him and he doesn't seem too affected.

But he just told me yesterday that he really wants to stop and has asked us to try again (we had let it go for a while because it seemed to be resolving with the help of the book, but it did not last).

Has anyone had a much older child still wet? Have you solved the problem, and if so, what worked?

Other suggestions and advice welcome as well.

amother

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 1:46 am

My 12 yr ds also sometimes still wets, although he's much better than before. For a long time, I let it go, especially as we went through some family problems when he was about 9 and I thought it might be emotional. When he was 11, I took him to a urologist. The urologist explained that there's a difference if he's ever been dry and come back to wetting and if he's never been dry at night. In my son's case, he'd never been fully dry at night. I was told that he had never developed the mechanism in the brain to wake him if he's wet. So the urologist gave specific directions - when and what to eat and drink during the day and how close to bedtime. He also gave us tablets - Minirin and Novitropan, which stops it. But the exercises are crucial. In my son's case, he unfortunately wouldn't cooperate with the restrictions and exercises. The tablets helped, and eventually I took him off them after about a year. Now, he wets here and there, but I won't take him back to the urologist unless he agrees to cooperate with the regime. (Last time, when I told the urologist that he wouldn't cooperate with the regime, he said there's no point and not to bring him back unless he does.) You might be luckier with your son.

Bottom line- try a urologist.

amother

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 2:30 am

Thanks, amother, that was very helpful.

So are you saying that in your son's case, the urologist did not find a physical cause for the bedwetting? Or that he did, and that's what the medications are meant to deal with? If so, what was/is the cause in his case, if you are willing to share?

Or is it more a matter of habit, behavioral changes, dietary/exercise prescriptions, and the medications are just one more tool? Are they necessary or optional?

Sorry for so many questions. I realize every case is probably different, but I'm interested in what you have gone through and what you have learned.

amother

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 2:59 am

I have a 7 year old who wets nightly and although your child is older, I think 7 is still out of the realm of normal. I took the child to a urologist who put the child on Minirin and told not to drink before bed much and for supper, very little and try to drink the bulk of liquids before 4 PM.

So, far the Minirin is not working and it really should as it changes the hormone that creates the excessive amount of urine in the first place. I plan to take the child back, perhaps the child needs a higher dose or a different med or another avenue entirely.

I think a cold room at night also is not good for trying to keep dry and I make sure it is sufficiently warm in the room.

amother

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 9:13 am

First of all, I am so glad someone posted this. And I am relieved how many people in this small sampling of the greater world seem to have the same problem. We are not alone-- yay!!
My 11 and a half year old son still wets-- 2-3 times a week on average. I've spoken to alot of people. Evidently, physical reasons for this are very very rare. It is much more likely a deep sleep/underdevoloped bladder issue than a reason for drugs.
The first step is excercises-- have son pish then stop, pish then stop 4-5 times every time he goes to the bathroom. That develops the muscle (who knew there were muscles there!) and helped our son enormously.
We also started incentives-- money for each night he was dry. B"H that's adding up so we have to find a different method.
As a last resort, my DH bought an alarm. It attaches to DS's pajama shirt with a large safety pin, and threads down to his underwear. When the underwear starts to get wet the alarm vibrates, waking DS in time (OK, almost in time)-- DS reports that since he got this he has been woken twice and gone to the bathroom-- but he had been dry for 3 weeks-- poo,poo,poo, ken yirbu!! I think it's more the psychological knowledge that he has a "backup plan"-- that he won't get wet, than the alarm itself.
Good Luck, OP, and Kol Hakavod for not making this into a major issue that DS would feel worse about than he already does.

amother

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 9:27 am

I'm so happy that you're not embarassing the poor kid or making a big deal out of it. I had this problem when I was about that age embarrassed

. It got me so upset at myself - but I couldn't stop it! I have no idea if any of these things worked (I don't really remember in detail), but here are a couple of things my parents did:

-encouraged me not to drink too close to bedtime
-encouraged me to go to the bathroom "as much as I could" right before bedtime
-woke me up once in the middle of the night to use the bathroom (for some reason, I dno't remember feeling embarassed about this - it was just a fact of life)

I hope this helps! And yes, I grew out of it. I don't even remember how old I was when I did. I went to camp when I was about 14, and it wasn't an issue then. I might have grown out of it before 12, but I'm not sure. If so, it wasn't much before then. I also had urinary tract infections semi-often as a kid, so we think that might have added to the issue.

amother

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 4:16 pm

My dd wet every single night until shortly after she turned 8, when she chose to use a bedwetting alarm. I recommend a bedwetting alarm for a child who is mature enough to take responsibility and chooses this method voluntarily. We used a Malem Ultimate alarm, purchased as a set with a complete kit of bed pads and a useful book called "Seven Steps to Nighttime Dryness" from an online retailer called The Bedwetting Store. (But see my next point...)

Many health insurance companies cover the equipment as "durable medical equipment" (or DME). Don't do what I did - I purchased the kit first, then filed an insurance claim. Unfortunately, I unwittingly chose an out-of-network vendor; so learn from my mistake and contact your insurance carrier first! I was later able to recoup some of the cost by reselling the equipment on Craigslist.

This process required a committment from both my child and myself, but it was worth it as she was dry within days and now enjoys sleepovers, etc, without worry. No time for more now - please post if you want more info.

amother

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 12:55 am

OP here. Thanks all!!! I think my son would happily try an alarm. Good advice about contacting our insurance first - thanks for that.

Waking him in the middle of the night for a bathroom trip does not work and never has (used to do it with my daughters around ages 4-7). He does not wake up, or wakes up already wet. When he was little I couldn't do what I did with my girls, which was carry them sleeping to the toilet and put them on it! because he was too heavy and unwieldy and just not floppy & compliant like they were. Smile

I would really like for him to be 100% past this if we can succeed in doing that, before his bar mitzvah, but ideally before this summer when he might like to go to sleepaway camp for the first time. Not to mention that he may be going away to school not long from now. Thanks again everyone.

amother

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 4:37 pm

Thank You for bringing up this topic, it is an issue that is rarely spoken about. My sister wet the bed until she was 15, 10th grade. She was so humiliated, she used DDAVP for camp or sleepovers.
Take him to a urologist to see if there is another problem.

amother

Thu, Jan 08 2009, 7:36 pm

I don't have advice but want to let you know that my SIL who is turning 13 is just getting over the same problem. My DH said that he was doing the same until his bar mitzvah. He basically stopped by himself. I know my SIL was taking some pills but don't know what they were. My DH said it was very common in his family and that a lot of his siblings had the same problem.

supermama2

Thu, Jan 08 2009, 9:46 pm

My nearly 8 y.o. had to wear pull ups at night...We're tired of it! Soooo this week we've been waking him up about 1.5 hours after he falls asleep ( at parents bed time )..take him potty then put him back in bed.. Mind you he sleeps SO hard that he never remembers our waking him and it has taken ice cubes to wake him enough to get up and even then he's not awake lol...oy...
One night this week Dh took ds potty and naturally told ds to go so ds pulls his pj's down ( not boxers ) and proceeds to pick up toilet brush to clean potty ( in his sleep! ) lol DH says "no no! go potty!" so he goes lol Funny thing is it isn't ds's job to scrub the potty..I have no idea what happened..OH AND supposedly DH came in the room to tell me what had just happened and supposedly I sort of replied but I don't remember and I don't think I woke up...hehehe

sorry so long! I was going to start a post on this too.

P.S.
he's been waking up dry every day BH! also if he DOES have an accident..he will wash his own sheets as he has before 8)

amother

Fri, Jan 09 2009, 12:19 am

OP here - thanks to all for sharing experiences & encouragement - yes it is good to know that this is not unheard of. Still hard for everyone, but I am sure there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

SarahO, good luck with your son. My son was like that when we would try to wake him at that age. He had better and worse periods with wetting, sometimes more, sometimes staying dry for an encouraging amount of time, but then going back to getting wet. At age 8 we weren't worried, too much anyway, we were cool about letting him grow up and grow out of it. Then he was 9, and 10, and 11, and now 12..... time passes and if the problem does NOT go away, it feels like time isn't just passing but running out. We are now motivated to solve the issue once and for all if we possibly can, before it becomes a matter of embarrassment for our son, and before it does any more lasting damage to his self-esteem.