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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Guests
Tehilla
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 Tue, Dec 30 2008, 3:16 pm
| cookielady wrote: | | I think it's really rude to look at the check in front of the givers. Dh always puts it in pocket and looks later. Oh and he always says "Thank you." |
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Marion
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 3:17 pm
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I also usually write a cheque or give cash (if I've stayed over Shabbat, my wallet is somewhere around!).
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Mimisinger
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 3:20 pm
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Oh and there is some tackyness in your question, but it's on the part of the sniffer.
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amother
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 3:22 pm
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Marina you're so cute. I love the thought of it. OOH the schadenfruede.
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octopus
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 3:22 pm
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writing a $100 check to any tzedaka is not cheap!
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debs123
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 3:31 pm
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How awful that you experienced a so not "chabad style" shliach. And anyways, 108 is generous -
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soldat
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 3:34 pm
if your going to an out of town chabad house, one of the BEST gifts is calling ahead and asking if they need/want anything from "in town" like something from the bakery.
this usually isn't possible b/c it means shlepping it with you. but if possible, that is sooo thoughtfull.
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Marion
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 3:36 pm
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When we went to Athens we took a few Turkey Rolls from here. Frozen. They survived the trip.
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anewday
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 3:38 pm
of course he was NOT referring to u! he's referring to people in the community who perhaps could give more like thousands and think their few times chai is gonna get them somewhere.
Hashem helps the shluchim and every jewish family live and meet their needs in one way or another. the question is if we get the mitzvah of helping out.
it's also uncomfortable to face someone after youve given them an amount...maybe a check in the mail would be better the next time
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Raisin
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 4:03 pm
| marina wrote: | | Quote: | | To clarify for your curiosity- We had filled out an amount in the guest room (after Havdala) and then went to them to ask to whom to write a check. The answer was given. I filled in the check. The recipient of the $108 took the check and looked at the amount and nodded once. The wife then took the check from him and kinda frowned (and not a "not too shabby amount" frown. I mean a displeasure/disdain frown). No "thank you" or "you didn't have to" or any other acknolwedgement. A nod and a frown |
Please tell me where you went. I want to visit and bring this as my gift. |
I really can't imagine why she was even upset.  Unless you were staying with them for a week or so, that some should certainly have covered the cost of feeding you. Just plain rude people. I'm sorry.
(why $108? is it a gematria for something?)
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marina
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 4:08 pm
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I think 18x6=108 so maybe she had six people in her family.
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greenfire
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 4:22 pm
the reality is that even though they need monies to hold up their chabad house - the idea in giving to the community that needs kiruv or a shabbos is the giving - not a tit for tat ... while if a person has money I would commend making a generous donation - does anybody really know what s/o has in their pockets ?? let's be for real here - a THANK-YOU was most definitely in order ...
as for $20 a meal per person - that is what an entire meal would cost me here ... so I guess that is NOT an issue ... in raisinland I can imagine it might be ...
if they want to be paid for their weekend - they should notify the guests beforehand what they expect ... I would NEVER even want to go there again based on that sort of behavior ... definitely rude to even look at the check you are receiving ...
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morningstar
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 5:50 pm
It seems to me that there are two questions in this thread. One is a lovely and thoughtful one:
"I really would like to do something nice for my hosts. What do you think they might enjoy?"
If this is your question, there are many lovely answers, and you can pick the one that feels right for you and give graciously from the heart. A gift is always optional, and therefore, always appreciated.
The other is the tacky question, which is " I once gave $108 and I feel as if my hosts looked down at me because of it. So, who's out of line here?" For which there are lots of terribly non-gracious answers, all of which make me wish you hadjust decided to stay home that weekend.
Hosts, even lovely hosts, even Chabad House hosts, are sometimes tired, sometimes hard up, sometimes distracted, sometimes clumsy, sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes momentarily thoughtless. Just like their guests. And just as we expect hosts to forgive their guests their imperfections, one should judge hosts favorably as well. Even kind people have occasional lapses.
A great way to show your gratitude for you is by not inviting them to be slammed--even anonymously-- in a thread like this. If you had been my guest, I would appreciate that even more than your generous check for $108.
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cookielady
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 5:54 pm
| morningstar wrote: | It seems to me that there are two questions in this thread. One is a lovely and thoughtful one:
"I really would like to do something nice for my hosts. What do you think they might enjoy?"
If this is your question, there are many lovely answers, and you can pick the one that feels right for you and give graciously from the heart. A gift is always optional, and therefore, always appreciated.
The other is the tacky question, which is " I once gave $108 and I feel as if my hosts looked down at me because of it. So, who's out of line here?" For which there are lots of terribly non-gracious answers, all of which make me wish you hadjust decided to stay home that weekend.
Hosts, even lovely hosts, even Chabad House hosts, are sometimes tired, sometimes hard up, sometimes distracted, sometimes clumsy, sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes momentarily thoughtless. Just like their guests. And just as we expect hosts to forgive their guests their imperfections, one should judge hosts favorably as well. Even kind people have occasional lapses.
A great way to show your gratitude for you is by not inviting them to be slammed--even anonymously-- in a thread like this. If you had been my guest, I would appreciate that even more than your generous check for $108. |
Well said!!
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Clarissa
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 6:49 pm
| morningstar wrote: | It seems to me that there are two questions in this thread. One is a lovely and thoughtful one:
"I really would like to do something nice for my hosts. What do you think they might enjoy?"
If this is your question, there are many lovely answers, and you can pick the one that feels right for you and give graciously from the heart. A gift is always optional, and therefore, always appreciated.
The other is the tacky question, which is " I once gave $108 and I feel as if my hosts looked down at me because of it. So, who's out of line here?" For which there are lots of terribly non-gracious answers, all of which make me wish you hadjust decided to stay home that weekend.
Hosts, even lovely hosts, even Chabad House hosts, are sometimes tired, sometimes hard up, sometimes distracted, sometimes clumsy, sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes momentarily thoughtless. Just like their guests. And just as we expect hosts to forgive their guests their imperfections, one should judge hosts favorably as well. Even kind people have occasional lapses.
A great way to show your gratitude for you is by not inviting them to be slammed--even anonymously-- in a thread like this. If you had been my guest, I would appreciate that even more than your generous check for $108. | How many threads have I seen lately that say that whatever the thread topic is, shouldn't be discussed? OP had an uncomfortable experience, she wanted a reality check and maybe some support, perhaps some advice for the future. But no, that's not okay.
What exactly are message boards for? Maybe you want this place to be nothing more than Kugelrecipeexchange.com.
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Raisin
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 7:08 pm
| cookielady wrote: | | morningstar wrote: | It seems to me that there are two questions in this thread. One is a lovely and thoughtful one:
"I really would like to do something nice for my hosts. What do you think they might enjoy?"
If this is your question, there are many lovely answers, and you can pick the one that feels right for you and give graciously from the heart. A gift is always optional, and therefore, always appreciated.
The other is the tacky question, which is " I once gave $108 and I feel as if my hosts looked down at me because of it. So, who's out of line here?" For which there are lots of terribly non-gracious answers, all of which make me wish you hadjust decided to stay home that weekend.
Hosts, even lovely hosts, even Chabad House hosts, are sometimes tired, sometimes hard up, sometimes distracted, sometimes clumsy, sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes momentarily thoughtless. Just like their guests. And just as we expect hosts to forgive their guests their imperfections, one should judge hosts favorably as well. Even kind people have occasional lapses.
A great way to show your gratitude for you is by not inviting them to be slammed--even anonymously-- in a thread like this. If you had been my guest, I would appreciate that even more than your generous check for $108. |
Well said!! |
I don't think it was so wrong to post this. It is anonymous, there is really no way of finding out who did this. Maybe it was a kind person, but she still hurt someones feelings. And the op is left wondering if $108 is a miserly donation.
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morningstar
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 7:29 pm
Fair enough, Clarissa.
No reason not to discuss this subject in principle.
Imagine you were a hostess.
Under what circumstances might you not say "thanks" when you received a check for $108?
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marina
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 7:32 pm
| Quote: | Imagine you were a hostess.
Under what circumstances might you not say "thanks" when you received a check for $108? |
If the person giving me the check broke over $108 dollars worth of my stuff during her stay. Or if I knew the check was forged.
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bandcm
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 7:42 pm
I think the problem didn't begin with the couple's reaction to the amount.
The man should never have looked at the cheque in front of you. He should definitely not have passed it to his wife so she could have a look too!
Their reactions to the amount just added to the rudeness, but the OP should really not worry about it!
Are you sure they were shluchim? Or were they just a Chabad couple who hosted you?
It sounds so strange (not that I disbelieve you, and not that shluchim are better or more more polite than others, but shluchim just don't usually work like this.)
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morningstar
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Tue, Dec 30 2008, 7:52 pm
Don't know about the rest of you.
But as someone who hosts many people who I don't know personally on a regular basis, I am sure at least some of my guests, at times, have not been perfectly happy.
I feel for the original poster. I also feel for the hosts.
Guess it might have been me one day who forgot to say thanks to a guest . . .
Last edited by morningstar on Tue, Dec 30 2008, 9:15 pm; edited 1 time in total
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