S/O social suicide

Tao

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 6:56 pm

That was literally the saddest thread ever. However, I will say that I worked in a playgroup at one point and 100% the kids in brand names were treated better, not that if you wore cheap non-Jewish brands they weren't treated well, but definitely the staff (of mostly young single girls/newlyweds) fawned over the better-dressed kids. As a result, if I can find a brand name for cheap, I'll buy it - yes for my kids sake, and also because I don't really want him to be the only kid not in brand names. But I refuse to spend huge amounts of money for my kids to get paint all over the first minute.
Re your question: no, I definitely would not drop someone for not dressing their kid of any age in brand names! And honestly I really can't imagine someone who would, I would like to think people have better hearts than that.

amother

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 6:58 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

Im not from Lakewood
Does carters have anything other than polyester pajamas and stuff for really young kids?

Let's assume the mother in question is not only dressing in the classier carter's stuff but also the fun stuff with bright colors and pictures

Ema of 5

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 6:59 pm

Tao wrote:

That’s really awful

amother

Springgreen

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

Let's assume the mother in question is not only dressing in the classier carter's stuff but also the fun stuff with bright colors and pictures

So that's not specifically carters. That can be walmart or any other cheap place also.

There are people that have cheap tastes and even if they wear more expensive things it will be flashy.

Then there are people that wear Walmart and other real cheap brands but they carry it so well that they're always asked where it's from.

You have to know whats in and how to style it.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:02 pm

I live in lakewood and kids are dressed in everything from ali to amazon to carters to childrens place to tottini to nicer jewish stores. I think it's cute when people talk about lakewood like it's not 5 townships full of thousands of people. Last I checked it's pretty hard to get that many people to do the exact same thing.

giftedmom

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:02 pm

Tao wrote:

That’s horrible
My local playgroups are staffed by warm mommies and bubbies who don’t care a hoot about brand names. They aren’t the most stylish themselves, and they are FANTASTIC. Don’t stop gushing about my toddler, purely for her personality. Ofcourse kids need to look clean and fresh but like you said that stuff gets painty in seconds.

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:09 pm

I live in Lakewood

I dress my kids in carters H&M and Zara until primary/first grade and no one cares

As long as they show up to school looking neat and fresh, it’s all good

I like a classic look for boys and actually don’t like the matching look or the off colors that are popular some years. I like real pink not off pink etc and I don’t love feminine look on boys.

My boys are in 4th and first and bH never got them shoes at a frum store since they were little (when they had to be fitted). I shop Shabbos shoes online bH - Nordstrom, Nordstrom outlet, dsw

They are well liked among their friends Smile

amother

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:10 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

Yes.
I'm asking about the mother who dresses the kid in something that isn't very stylish or expensive looking. Would she be judged? Would it be social suicide?

Or do we all think that everyone else is judging while in reality everyone else isn't?

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:11 pm

Tao wrote:

My kids have always been loved by their playgroup morahs and teachers etc

They are smart, cute, good not bratty kids.

My dd has a kid in her class who is always dressed in brand names and is a very bratty kid- if I was her Morah I would NOT like her better because of the labels.

But I live in a neighborhood in Lakewood with a mix of old and young families with most people in kollel so cheap clothing is the norm, whether carters or H&M or target (me) or tottini or Ali express

People who choose to live in ritzier neighborhoods probably feel more pressure

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

Nope
If she’s funny or kind or smart or creative she will have friends

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Only in a tiny circle of snobby people. Majority of lakewood would not blink or care.

Tao

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:18 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

And I've said it before on this site and I'll say it again....we don't all get a choice where we live! I would move in a minute, we're here for certain reasons that I can't change....that being said I don't get as sucked in by peer pressure as most, so I'm thankful for that

amother

Iris

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:19 pm

This issue is heartbreaking!
Mothers are working themselves to the bone while husbands are streesed as they are growing in learning (taking tzeduka in many cases) so their kids can wear brand name stuff to fit in.

Those who learn should be respected for their contributions in keeping the world going with Torah by living פת במלח תאכל and those who give charity should be respected for keeping the world going with chesed.

(Instead we respected showing off.)

The question is: how can this be stopped.