Divorced women- who sells your chometz? Who's bodek for you?

amother

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 10:28 am

Last year I ended up selling it to some online chabad place. Maybe it's perfect but
I'd still like to have a more concrete place this year.

Also who is Bodek chometz for you? I make the bracha and I check I guess?

I seriously don't remember what I did last year. TMI

amother

Geranium

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 10:33 am

amother OP wrote:

Can you sell through a shaliach brother or father, grandfather?
You can do bedikas chometz in your house and sell the chometz by yourself too

My grandmother always sold along with my uncle and he came to do bedika chometz after my grandfather passed away

watergirl

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 10:37 am

You don’t need a man to do either of these things. Sell in person or online and do bekikas chametz and biur chametz yourself.

You don’t need a man to do this for you.

Some communities organize a time for women to sell their chametz with a community rav, so it’s just a time for women and they don’t have to deal with feeling weird. It’s for all single women, divorced or never married or whatever.

amother

Fern

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 10:39 am

You can absolutely do it by yourself. I was single and living alone for years and did my own chametz sale online and bedika. Didn't even occur to me to ask anyone else.

amother

Steel

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 10:42 am

Dh sends his sister the form from our shul and brings what she fills out to our Rav for her. It’s not that she needs dh halachically, just practically the Rav has hours for selling in shul at night and there’s only men there, a woman might feel uncomfortable. She does bedikah herself.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 10:59 am

I grew up with a single mother.
I did bedikas chametz because It was hard for her emotionally, and I even came back to do it after I was married. I live in a diff city now so can't do it anymore.
Dunno if it was the right thing to do or not, but that's what I did.
For selling the chametz, She either had someone else take care of selling it for her or in recent years does chabad - dh and I do it through chabad too.

amother

Strawberry

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 11:10 am

It's hard to check when you've just done all the cleaning, but yes, I do it myself. I hate it. Recently I've started leaving a small area uncleaned, where I know there will be chametz, and cleaning there is my bedikat chametz.

The hours for selling chametz in my shul are after shacharit or between mincha and maariv. I'm not doing that. They don't have hours for women. Recently they've started offering an on line option, with a note that it isn't considered ideal, and should be a last resort option. Walking into shul between mincha and maariv isn't ideal either, so I take the on line option.

AlwaysGrateful

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 11:15 am

Just a thought. Assuming that when you have a shayla, you have a rav you can call...So for selling chametz, can't you just call the rav and ask him when you can come and sell to him? I'm assuming he's not going to say "Sure, come during the hours when all the men are lined up waiting to sell to me" -- he'll give you another time to come.

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 11:30 am

I sell the chametz myself (I just called the shul rabbi and asked when I could come and he gave me a time to come to his house) and my teen boys do bedikas chametz. If I didn’t have boys over bar mitzvah I would do it myself but they’re happy to do it.

seeker

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:27 pm

When I was single I sold my chometz through a local shul rabbi (I rarely went to shul but I had one that was the shul I didn't go to 😜)

And did my own bedikas chometz. And biur but I think there may have been an option to flush it down the toilet instead of using fire? Aylor.

watergirl

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:31 pm

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

This is a very painful part of divorce for many women. Often a divorce means you lose your rav as well. It shouldn't happen but does too often. Please don’t assume anything.

amother

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:39 pm

My rav is in a different city and I'll probably end up asking him I was just curious if there's something I can nosh from people that have btdt.

My husband stayed with the shul rav, like watergirl says.

My son claims that if I'm the bal habayis then I'm supposed to make the bracha and do the bedika because there are halachas involved.

I dont want to burden him with taking the chometz to the rav of their current shul. As much as he's eager to do it no other boys his age do this.

I'll ask. Thanks for your understanding everyone.

life is fun

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:54 pm

I've been going to the the rov to do it until ds was old enough and was happy to go.
The bedika the same.

Most things we women can do, even leading the seder 😂

essie14

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 3:26 pm

I was single for years and lived on my own.
I only went to shuls that were welcoming to unmarried women, whether never married or divorced or widowed.
The rabbis always had varying hours for selling chametz or an online option.
Of course I did bedikat chametz, there was no one else to do it. Just like kiddush, hamotzi, havdalah, chanukah menorah, etc.
Women can, and should, do all of these things.