Help me reframe this..I’m so angry

amother

Honey

Sat, Apr 13 2024, 11:41 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

What is the doctor’s reason for saying it’s necessary? I had huge jumps in prescriptions as a kid, but it settled as an adult. I need glasses or lenses to see properly, but those are easily obtained and used. Unless the doctor has reason to fear blindness. I’d stop bothering with all this. I order glasses online for myself and my child at a fraction of the cost, and reordering when they break is just a few clicks. It sounds like this treatment is unreasonable to expect your son to comply with. Get a second opinion or drop it for a bit. And switch doctors.

This. My personal experience with other types of challenges with my kids has been, that if something doesn't work it just doesn't work for you at the time & you need to move on.

Contact lenses for any 9yo, especially one with adhd, is kind of unrealistic. You tried, it's not working now time to move on. Get the most u breakable frame you can get your hands on along with a cheap backup frame & stick to glasses for now. You can revisit contact lenses in some years.

How high of a prescription are we talking about? With corrective surgery becoming so popular these days I think with time it will become less of a concern.

imasinger

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:05 am

I agree with getting a second opinion.

What we did for our challenged kids was buy several pairs of glasses, so there would be a backup available when needed (we kept the spares). Goggles4u is an online site with good prices.

Whatever you do, just be prepared to be patient.

DS has to find ways to handle his vision challenges, while also dealing with EF (executive functioning) challenges, and sensory issues. That's a lot even for an adult!

You might find it helpful to get some additional parent coaching in how to keep these frustrations from impacting your positive relationship with him. It's not easy, but it can be done.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:09 am

Regarding all the posters telling you to abandon your eye doctor’s advice, please don’t take medical advice from random internet strangers. Myopia control is a relatively recent thing, and not well known by most people. It is a real concern with real medical risks if ignored - OP, please continue to follow your eye doctor’s advice, and beware if looking for a second opinion that even many eye experts are not up to date on the importance of myopia control.

mummiedearest

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 7:37 am

amother Cerulean wrote:

While it may be a concern, there is a difference between a doctor’s concern and a mother’s concern. The doctor is focused solely on the child’s eyes, and the concern is likely pretty far down the line. The mother has to be concerned with the child’s psychological well-being as well. It seems that the preventative treatment is causing a huge amount of tension in the child’s home. There are risks to that as well. Notably, it has already resulted in a rift in his relationship with his mother. Continuation of that has dire consequences which are likely more immediate than future eye concerns, which likely have alternative treatment options for a later date. If glasses solve the problem for the next few years without question, and lasik can fix the vision problem later and possibly reduce the risk of same concerns, then all this stress on a very important relationship is for nothing. The doctor doesn’t think that way. The mother has to. And yes, the fact that no one was worrying about this twenty years ago means something.

WhatFor

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 8:26 am

amother OP wrote:

RE the contacts, I don’t have any desire, I actually strongly dislike them! But the eye doctor insists it’s necessary. He isn’t a good candidate for the drops because he is extremely sensitive to dilation (stays dilated for 36 hours plus from a regular doctor visit). I also spoke to the eye doctor about another type of glasses made in Canada or something, again, not a candidate because of astigmatism or something like that. Also he wants to handle the contacts himself, he gets mad when I get involved…I can remind him to put them in but then I need to step back.

Yes breaking frames a couple times a year is within the range of normal. But we just had to fully replace less than a month ago, hence my frustration. I literally don’t have time or money to deal with this now. I can’t afford to take off more time, plus erev Pesach. And I don’t live near any family so I don’t have that support. And this is all while trying not to neglect my other children 🤦🏽‍♀️.

For those that empathized, I appreciate it. I don’t think there’s much problem doing to do here realistically. I have to get something for his eyes, so I need to go to the eye doctor again so I need to take more time off from work. Sometimes I really really don’t like having to be a responsible adult!!

Op, as I was reading your initial post, even before I got to your final paragraph, I was starting to wonder if your son has ADHD. This sounds really really difficult, but if you're going to continue with lenses, it sounds like you and DS need to come up with a plan that doesn't predictably wind up with both of you angry and frustrated.

You said he doesn't want you involved in his lenses but he's also actually handicapped in his ability to manage them for himself right now. Yes, ADHD is a handicap in many ways, and I say that as someone with ADHD. Maybe there's an acceptable medium? Maybe you tell him that you'll take most of the lenses, but leave enough enough with him for X days (put in your calendar when you need to replace them)? If that's not the solution, then both of you need to come up with something else.

But the reality is that he's currently incapable of fully managing them by himself right now. He needs help, not as a punishment, but in recognition of his limitations right now.

mummiedearest

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 10:36 am

amother Cerulean wrote:

It means the same thing that no one was worrying about smoking 60 years ago means.

Lol. Nope. Ppl were actually worrying about smoking 60 years ago. That’s why tobacco companies put money into studies to prove it not harmful. That’s a side-point, though. Myopia is not a potentially harmful action. It is a genetic/epigenetic condition. No one action creates myopia. Yes, contacts were found to help decrease jumps in myopia. I used them myself in my teens for cosmetic purposes and that was the year my eyesight stopped getting worse. However, that was also the year I stopped growing, which is another factor. As I’ve gotten older, my eyesight has improved slightly, likely due to aging, which would push me more towards farsightedness. I can tell you that my nearsightedness brings its own strength- I can see incredible detail up close that others need tools to see. Contacts take that ability away, and it bothers me frequently.

Back to no one worrying twenty years ago, it was just accepted that some kids are like that. Glasses were available and it was no big deal. As long as the rest of the eye checkup was fine, there was no need to panic. I’m not against preventative care for myopia, but I do think there are circumstances in which it is not appropriate. I don’t think parents need to panic over this. I do think parents should ask questions regarding statistics and potential other treatments down the road and make a decision based on their own thoughts on the matter rather than following everything a doctor says for every issue. If a doctor isn’t willing to discuss it in detail, there may be an issue with the doctor.

OP should obviously do what she feels is best for her son. I hope she can work this issue out to her satisfaction.

amother

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:18 pm

imasinger wrote:

This is just a small snapshot of what we are dealing with…DS has an executive functioning coach, and we are working with a therapist for him and us in how best to help him. We are asking for help and supper and coaching as we go, trust me on that. There are a lot of constant moving parts, but this one specific situation is really getting to me. We are dealing with social, emotional, physical, etc. BH he is overall healthy and these are all relatively small issues! I just need to be able to be upset without taking it out on him.

Also, for all those saying to order cheaper or other pairs, and why we are doing this…
His prescription is in the -3.00 to -4.50 range, each eye is different. But he jumps quickly which is the bigger concern (goes up about a point a year…) He also has progressive lenses so we can’t just order backup pairs for him the way we used to when he was younger (the prescription shifts as it goes down, so everything has to be specific to his eye). Also there is a strong genetic component to very high prescriptions, we are hoping to avoid the struggles that go with it.

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:19 pm

I haven’t read the entire thread,

No way my 9 year old son could be responsible for contacts, no way.
He wears glasses that are not easily breakable, but he loses a pair every 3/4 year. It hurts my pocket, but, too bad. He’s not an adult yet, he also has adhd, he’s juggling a lot with school and other things. I don’t say a peep.

Please don’t treat your 9 year old like an adult. It’s up to you to help him come up with ways to manage this better.

amother

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:19 pm

amother Cerulean wrote:

Thank you for this, I appreciate it.

mummiedearest

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

Op, Zennioptical.com sells progressive lenses and will do different prescriptions for different eyes. No pressure, just trying to help. I buy my glasses from them and have been happy with them. The learning curve is knowing how to order. You need your son’s pupillary distance measurement. I’ve measured myself and had our eye doctor do it. You can go either way. I don’t know what specific measurements you need for progressives, but your eye doctor should provide those easily. Once you’ve put in all the prescription info, you save it in your account under your child’s name. Measure his current frames by width so you order the right size pair of glasses. Once you’ve done that, if you need a replacement before a change in prescription, you can just reorder. This has been a huge help to me in cost (went from hundreds of dollars a pair to noticeably below $100, including lens thinning, clip on sunglasses, etc.) and in replacements for one child who used to lose/break them frequently. You can also have your child’s name stamped on it for a few dollars, which I did for a few years as well, for a child who took them off frequently at school.

amother

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:39 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

Zennis for me personally never worked because of my high prescription, I would get major headaches because everything wasn’t exactly lined up and they use cheaper materials. We do it for my husband who has a lower prescription and it’s great. I’m worried for DS that it won’t be good, but it may be worth the price to try…

seeker

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:45 pm

I did not read everything, just skimmed.

Yikes I would be beyond mad and my kid would be punished until kingdom come! Yeah I know that wouldn't necessarily be appropriate or effective but I don't know how you're coping with this level of frustration!

My daughter had/has bad progressive myopia. Atropine drops helped some but not enough. We decided to treat with ortho-k lenses. They are worn only at night. It took a couple of weeks of discomfort to get used to them but once we were on a roll we barely ever had any issues. I mention this because one reason we chose this treatment was because DD was young and I wanted to be able to supervise. Overnight lenses were conducive to this, I never had to worry about them falling out in school or camp.

Obviously you'd still need to deal with the behavioral elements, but this would at least allow you to have more control over the process. If your doctor hasn't brought up this option, you should look into it.

amother

Sun, Apr 14 2024, 12:58 pm

seeker wrote:

DS was too nervous to try the ortho k lenses, the idea of a hard lens scared him. We looked into it and discussed it with other people doing it.