Am I over-reacting and super sensitive

amother

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 12:26 pm

My family owns a local store, it bothers me sooooo much when people tell me, "I'm just running to "this store" -like they're making such an effort to say they shop there.
I find it so patronizing and it really bothers me.
I know you shop everywhere, and I even know you don't generally shop at my family store. So when you do go, it makes me so uncomfortable when they specifically say they're going to shop there.
I just needed to vent, it's been bothering me for a while.

UQT

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 12:27 pm

Hmm would never imagine that would bother someone. Would love for someone else who’s family has a store or husband does a service to chime in. Are you happy when people mentioned that they used you. Like I went to your husband for an oil change this morning

amother

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 12:31 pm

I find it patronizing. Especially since I know that they really don't shop there often. They're constantly mentioning how they go shopping in other stores, so when they do stop by they make a big deal about it.
It's been a sore topic for a while that my family owns a business - and people say "How's it going"
I don't ask you how your office job is doing...and if you got a raise

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 12:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

The best answer for this is Boruch Hashem!!! It's very simple. Bh is for when business is booming and Bh is for when business is slow as well.

imasinger

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 12:48 pm

I wouldn't find it patronizing.

The ideal of customer loyalty went the way of many other businesses loyalties. Office workers and bosses -- both sides know that there are many factors in play, and expecting a business relationship to be like a marriage ... Well, look at the growing divorce rate, as well.

Once you can separate the idea that friends and family may shop in lots of places without it being insulting, then it's easier to see that mentioning a stop in the family store is a bid towards kindness and connection, rather than an attempt to treat the shop as a chesed case.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 1:48 pm

I understand and it sounds like maybe your store is struggling a bit? My good friend's husband owns a restaurant. I feel guilty we don't go more often but to be honest it is overpriced and not that great. I do find myself sometimes mentioning we stopped in because I want her to know we want to support her.

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 2:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sorry but it’s totally normal for people to ask how business is doing no matter what business you’re in, and it’s even more normal to ask how a person’s job is going in general. These are basic conversational topics..

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 2:50 pm

It could be you are sensitive. Sensitive-not slow. I'm friendly outgoing -and sensitive. My friendly outgoing friends that are not sensitive that look down or want to be nice to my sensitivity, will make such a comment because they think that
I care being that I'm a sensitive person many times I understand the other side too. My guess that they think you care that they shop elsewhere. Really them overreacting is making you feel sensitive. I would show no emotion to their comment hopefully they will stop trying so hard to talk about the subject.

amother

Hunter

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 3:34 pm

When we owned a business it was standard to say how’s business going.

I work, and when I meet family at simchos they ask me how my job is going.

It’s just the way it is!

And ppl would mention all the time that they shopped at our business (even if 80% of the time they shopped elsewhere) and it was fine- didn’t bother me. (Unless they complained about silly things lol)

That’s just how people talk…

amother

Outerspace

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 3:36 pm

I would simply say "How nice!" if people mention they did business with my family. I wouldn't take it personally and I wouldn't try to analyze their motives. To me it's like someone saying "I saw your sister at the Guilden-Stern wedding" or "Your brother was my husband's chavrusa's CIT in Camp Ri-Dik-Yoo-Liss": just a way to show some sort of commonality or connection.

amother

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 3:39 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

So I can ask you - did you get a raise recently?

amother

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 3:43 pm

imasinger wrote:

I totally accept that they shop in other places, but it sounds like they're doing me a "favor" by shopping in the store. I feel like they are trying to prove something and it Just makes me feel stupid, they don't owe me anything, don't prove anything to me that you shop there.

I can see it as a bid toward kindness and connection, but for some reason it just doesn't feel like that to me

amother

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 3:46 pm

tichellady wrote:

You sound sensitive. You are allowed to feel how you feel but I would assume people are just trying to be friendly and supportive

I am a sensitive person, I know it, and it's always been a sore topic for me. I just know for myself, I'm not trying to prove to anyone that I shop in a specific store. And I don't feel the need to say to a friend that I shopped - or didn't shop, in her family store.

I think it's mostly because I know they don't shop in the store and only go there randomly and very seldomly, so it feels patronizing. I don't need favors from you.

singleagain

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 3:52 pm

I bet you a lot of the reason people are saying this isn't a big deal is because OP can't really convey the tone of people talking to her. I bet you if they said it in a different tone it wouldn't hurt as much

There's def an element of tone that changes the meaning of this statement

Last edited by singleagain on Thu, Apr 11 2024, 3:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

Bleemee

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 4:17 pm

Asking how work is, is different than asking how business is.
I don’t think I’ve ever asked someone how business is. What’s the question, if it’s up or down?