Upsherin | Imamother

mudpies

Mon, Apr 01 2024, 11:12 am

Not sure which forum this belongs in, I trust the mods will move it if necessary.

It's not our minhag to do an upsherin. Still, almost all of our siblings in both families have chosen to do them. I think they've done it more just because we're yeshivish and it just became what everyone does.
We now have a two year old adorable little boy BH. I'm so curious to find out more about this minhag - where it came from, why we do it, what's involved. I've tried to ask around about it, but all people know is 'that's what we do, there's so many beautiful minhagim, and this is how you do it', which doesn't help me because it isn't actually our minhag and no one seems to know what's so beautiful about it.
Our Rav said it's fine to do if we want but we don't have to. So that leaves me still wondering what it's about.
I'm not talking about the big parties people throw. We're not interested in that, we can make him a birthday party if we feel like it. I want to know about the upsherin itself: where does the minhag come from, and mainly - WHY?
So far what I've heard is that a Jewish boy is compared to a tree, and we can't enjoy the fruits for the first 3 years. But what connection do the 2 have? Why is this only for boys? What shaychus to the hair?
Can we cut it before the 3rd birthday? Wait until later?
I also heard that it's when a boy starts learning Torah. Beautiful, but not actually practically true. In how many frum communities does a boy actually start cheder at 3? We might show him the alef beis with honey, but chances are he's already learned some in his playgroup or wtvr, or if he didn't then he might still not for another while.
I've also heard mention of a honey cake with a passuk and a hard boiled egg with a passuk. Any clue what's the connection or what those are about?

Sorry so many random thoughts, would really love to hear more details and explanations. Thank you!

genevieve96

Mon, Apr 01 2024, 8:52 pm

Main reason I heard (besides the tree mashal which is more of a Kabbalah or something explanation) is because chinuch starts at the age of 3. So we dont touch the hair beforehand and at 3 we cut it and teach/start the mitzvah of leaving peyos.
And at 3 he starts wearing also yarmulke and tzitzis.
In chabad the concept of age 3 goes for both genders btw - girls start lighting shabbos candles and dressing according to halachos of tznius

mudpies

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 4:19 am

Thank you both for your replies!
I've been looking for a book and couldn't find one, it seems like maybe this is exactly what I was looking for, thank you.
And that's so interesting about the girls. So you're saying it's a beginning of chinuch thing - hence we make the peyos then, because they're part of chinuch. I like that answer. But then why can't we cut the hair beforehand, say a mushroom haircut, and then cut it into a shorter haircut with peyos when he turns 3?