What's the latest you would go away for Shabbos if invited

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:25 am

At what point in your Shabbos preparations would you decline an invitation to go away for Shabbos? Say your parents invite you to their house, not just to walk over for meals. It's a random Shabbos, nothing special about that particular week. Which activities, already having done them, would make you say: Too late, it's not worth it to go away for this Shabbos if I already xyz...

Which day of the week is that usually?

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:33 am

I mean, I once had my complete Shabbos ready. It was Friday and there was a blizzard. My aunt had made a wedding that week, and alot of guests had to cancel for Shabbos Sheva Brachos because they couldn't make it in. We were local, and my aunt called me and asked us to come. I stuck everything in the freezer, packed up 3 kids and went.

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:35 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

I think it really depends on your stage of life.

I have one child. So if even on a Thursday after I made chicken soup and part of the meal, I was invited to go to my in-laws and I WANTED to, I would go.

I don't think I would go if I had a larger family. Too much headache on short notice.

What would make you want to go? Why wouldn't you tell them, rather next week.

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:38 am

amother OP wrote:

What would make you want to go? Why wouldn't you tell them, rather next week.

If I didn't want to go, I would say no.

What makes me want to go, is the company, if I'm overwhelmed and need a break from cooking and cleaning, or just a change of scenery.

It sounds like you do not want to go. In that case, please do not! It's last minute and you have the right to say that you are staying home this week.

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:39 am

Chayalle wrote:

Extenuating circumstances require flexibility. I've hosted guests when being informed Friday morning, and I've gone away like you, after having a full meal.

My question is when you're invited for a random reason, like you haven't been by us for Shabbos for a long time, why don't you come this week? When would you say, "Oh, so nice. I already xyz, so we'll take a raincheck for next week?"

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:42 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

That's exactly it! I can use the break from cooking and cleaning and also change of scenery, but if I already did some Shabbos prep, so it's not worth it to also pack everyone up and go away because I'm not getting that break. What's that point for you where it's not worth it?

amother

Birch

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:52 am

If its a place we all want to go, until it's shabbos! LOL

No kidding.
My sister randomly called me up one Friday. The sirens were almost going off... It was 20 minutes to shkiah, so 5 minutes to licht tzinden. She said, why don't you come over for shabbos? Wearhers gonna be bad. Kids will be cooped up. And we both have kids similar genders/ages. They absolutely adore each other bh.
We quickly called all kids. Made the announcemnt. They all started screaming in excitement. We gave everyone a job. To get themselves into coats shoes and strapped into the car NOW. It took 5 minutes for dh to stick some food in the fridge/freezer, others to throw into a box to take along. Same time it took me to pack adults and Kids pj's and change of underwear. Meanwhile my oldest strapped the baby into the carseat, and the 3 older kids strapped themselves into their seats. We arrived around 10 minutes later. So 5 minutes to shkiya....
Dumped the contents of the car onto the driveway. Every kid took one item while I grabbed the baby and ran inside to tzind LOL

That was the absolute latest.

But honestly, if it's somewhere we'd like to go, anytime as long as it's physically possible.
We love exploring and experiencing. And spending time with friends and family.
So very often decided an hour to shabbos to just go to mil, to dh and my siblings. (All within 15 minute drive)
We take along all or some food.
I don't mind cooking for shabbos. Whatever isn't used will be enjoyed on Sunday or Monday. So it's not for nothing.
Fish and challah (spelt/GF) we always take along anyway.

But again, we'll only go to places we want to go and of course where the kids want to go.

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:55 am

amother OP wrote:

K I totally hear you.

For me my barometer is what I feel. If I say yes, do I feel slightly annoyed that I cooked xyz already and ugh it's such a hassle, why couldn't they have invited us earlier? Or do I feel happy to go and glad that I could put my food in the freezer for next week.

amother

Birch

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 7:20 am

amother OP wrote:

For me personally, shabbos cooking is my easiest! We are chassidish so it's very simple menus every week the same (with some easy variations)
Farfel kugel fish dip challah soup fleish.
I do dome form of chicken bottoms. And usually an additional side. Sometimes an additional kugel too. But then I'll make a large batch and freeze part....

And other than fish and challah, everything can be put away for after shabbos.

So if we're not having the soup and fleish on shabbos. I'll serve it on Sunday!
Chulent we put up right before zman. Soaked beans can be frozen. If it already is with the spices, you can freeze that too in the crackpot bag. No biggie.

So if it's last minute, then the host likely didn't cook for us. Chulent there usually is over enough... we barely eat fleish Friday night it's just to have lkuvud shabbos. It's just half a bottom for dh and I take a drop after he's done. But u feed kids at suppertime b4 zman.
So that's that. And I won't bring fleish.

I'll usually have a quick discussion of what she had enough of and what I'll bring. Usually soup, lukshen, kugel, farfel also is enough.

If not I'll take along soup in a container (chicken soup mixed up with another batch makes the best chicken soup!) W Lukshen.
And kugel/farfel.

But I always bring challah, fish and dip.

For me it's more the change if scenery the change of pace. The kids having company and not bickering as much and a break from "mommmmmy I'm boooorrreedddd"

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:56 am

I see that company is the deal breaker for many of you. My kids don't have company there while at home they have a ton of neighbors to play with. I didn't realize till now what a big part of my hesitation that is.

I'm also not a small family anymore bh so packing up k'ah more than a handful of people and we don't all fit into the car, so one of the kids needs to take the bus.... it's a hassle that's not worth if I already started cooking.

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:59 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

Definitely the former reaction rather than the latter. I can put most food into freezer but not fish which is too expensive to serve for a weekday supper.

zaq

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 7:03 pm

Depends. Do I have to travel? Are we very close? Do I really want to go?

If it's my kid and I have to travel--none of my kids lives close by--then Thursday afternoon would be it because I'd have to make travel arrangements, pack, make bus or plane or train reservations or rent a car. I would really want more notice, but we put up with stuff for our kids' sakes that we would not accept from friends or more distant family.

For anyone other than my kids I would expect at least a week's notice, preferably two or more because last-minute travel arrangements cost more. It's rude to invite people at the last minute.

It's not about my preparations; food can be put in the fridge or freezer, and the house has to be cleaned once a week anyway. It's about making travel arrangements, packing, having clean clothes to pack, having or not having prior commitments.

amother

Oldlace

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 7:29 pm

When I get invited somewhere, “next week” usually isn’t an option. Either we have something scheduled, or they do, or it’s not convenient. So taking a rain check means maybe we’ll be invited again in 6 months, it does not simply mean we’ll go the following week.
So if it’s somewhere we want to go, we go! All the food can either come with us or go in the fridge/freezer.