Shoes in the house

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 8:31 pm

I was recently diagnosed with ruhematoid arthritis. I am in my 20s and struggling with pain in my ankles. My PT told me that I need to wear my tie shoes with orthotics even around the house for the support.
I immediately thought about all those people who ask guests to take off their shoes in their home. I used to think it's a normal request but now I'm thinking about how uncomfortable I would feel going to their homes. I'm sure it's happened to others before. Not everyone announces their conditions.
If you are one of those people who ask people to take off their shoes- how would suggest I go about it when I visit you? Do you ever consider that people hesitating to take their shoes off have a medical issue?

WhatFor

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:37 pm

We're a shoe-free house. We don't ask people to take off their shoes but they usually do. If someone was a very regular guest and didn't, then maybe we would ask but that hasn't happened.

As to what you should do, if you were my guest, I'd prefer your company and your comfort to our shoe issue. If you just say something to your host that you need to wear shoes per your doctor, any normal person should be very happy for you to wear your shoes. I assume you're not actually tracking mud and dirt throughout the house. (But if you did that in my house, I'd try to remind myself of that rebbe story where someone tracked mud in his house and all the mud tipped the scales in his favor or something. Not because I'm such a nice person but because I've literally never had the opportunity to apply that story. But come to think of it, maybe I can try to apply that to be more gracious to people whose personalities are challenging like mud. If you're still here, thanks for coming down my random association stream of consciousness rabbit hole/Ted talk.)

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:01 pm

Aside for when I visited Toronto, I have never been asked to remove my shoes in someone's home.
We personally don't allow shoes upstairs where there is carpeting, but I only ask children to remove their shoes. Any adult that is going upstairs I don't say anything to

amother

Dill

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:07 pm

I have a medical condition of excessive sweating, so my feet get really bad and usually smell very bad as well because of my condition, no matter what I do. Unfortunately I’ve experienced this a lot in my life, more as a teen/young adult. My response is always “I’m so sorry, I have a medical condition and can’t remove my shoes. If it’s that important I don’t have to come in”

It was hard saying it at first, and one I actually was told I couldn’t go into the house. That hurt and was embarrassing. I learned to deal with it and I feel bad for that family that embarrassing a 15 yr old girl was less important to them than not wearing shoes. I learned to not go back to MANY houses. You’ll figure it out, just stand up for yourself no matter how hard it is, but the fear and anxiety will pass eventually

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:34 am

So we're a shoe free house, except on shabbos and yom tovim. Here's what I offer guests:
https://solemateco.com/shop/sm.....hine/
If you don't want to take off your shoes, no problem. Use this. If you want to take off shoes, we have guest slippers available. We also use food covers (Asian style) and clothing sanitizers.

singleagain

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:39 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

That is crazy expensive... Instead you can get something like this from Amazon that is much cheaper and reusable.

ydfagak Waterproof Shoe Covers, Reusable Foldable Not-Slip Rain Shoe Covers with Zipper,Shoe Protectors Overshoes Rain Galoshes for Kids Men and Women https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Z.....ss_tl

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:44 am

singleagain wrote:

To each, his own. The OP asked what those of us who have shoe-free homes do and this is what I do. Please feel free to use a cheaper alternative. There are many options.

singleagain

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:59 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

To each, his own. The OP asked what those of us who have shoe-free homes do and this is what I do. Please feel free to use a cheaper alternative. There are many options.

You are right. OP did ask. I think I just had some sticker shock.

Also not every shoe free house would have something to offer, which is why I suggested getting something you could carry.

But yeah, I think my reaction was just sticker shock.

watergirl

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:59 am

singleagain wrote:

With all due respect to you because you know, I love you, if I was a guest in someone’s house and they handed these to me, I would be so uncomfortable and embarrassed. I don’t think I would come back.

I wish people who have shoe free homes understood The guest feels when this request is made for demanded. No, I don’t want to take off my shoes and I don’t have to share my reasoning. No, I don’t want to keep my shoes on and put a cover over them.

I’ve been to a few homes for Shabbos lunch, where they are proudly (ie smugly) shoe-free. They of course, have their own shoes that they could wear inside the house because because They are strictly worn inside their homes and never outside. It is the guest who was made to feel uncomfortable for some of us. It is an absolutely horrible feeling to have this request made. Hosts need to try to have empathy when they decide to invite someone into their home.

amother

Mintcream

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:06 am

We take our shoes off in the house but I would never ask a guest to take off their shoes. However, I have been to people's homes who are very "makpid" and been offered slippers...I don't love it, to be honest. also, if its shabbos, it kills the outfit to take of shoes lol. In your case, I think if you explain, no one normal will make a fuss.

singleagain

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:11 am

watergirl wrote:

I meant for OP to buy something like this to have when she approaches a shoe free home.

That is what I understood part of the dilemma to be. In case the shoe free host was instant on taking off the shoes and didn't have some sort of cover like the original post I quoted had.

I personally have no issues taking off my shoes. I prefer to go barefoot. And I haven't really encountered that many shoe free.

I would absolutely agree that hosts should have empathy. This was more of a maybe find something you can bring to offer as a compromise in case your host is not that empathetic.

amother

Coral

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:32 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

Toronto? Is that a typo or is this a community thing? I’m trying to figure out why Toronto would have a no shoes in the house policy. I thought first bad winter weather, but there are other cities that have snowy winters, Montreal, Cleveland, Minneapolis, Detroit, Chicago.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:47 am

If someone has foot or back issues or the like, it's common that anything that chamges the way they walk or step down will make it worse. That includes adding something with soles that either might be more slippery, have a different tread, are wider, or even just feel different and cause a slight difference in walking. That includes the shoe covering s pictured above, and likely the ones from the machine.

And yes, giving a medical explanation usually helps. But there are many people who don't want to do that, for various reasons including privacy and just not wanting to discuss it. Especially imagine a kid or teen with issues, or a young perosn like Op with arthritis.