Mishpacha Double Take

amother

Grape

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 10:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

What does everyone think about the new Mishpacha Double Take about the mother of the seminary applicant and the seminary advisor?

I don’t know what I think about right/wrong
But
I think as seminary advisor it was on her to get to know the girls now so she could give up to date information and not rely on questionable info from three years ago. It’s not like she doesn’t know this is her job and this is what it entails.
It might have made a difference in how she would be able to reply to the seminary.
Also are all BY seminaries like this? All looking for a “picture-perfect” applicant? My gosh.

momallhours

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 10:24 pm

One of the cases where I hear both sides. The question is, is the mother out of touch on where her daughter is holding 'preferring to turn her head' to the late night conversations...
And I also take issue with the lackadaisical attitude she had towards Mrs. Kramer. She literally saved your daughter's life show hakaras hatov!!

But yes seminary acceptance is one of the very unfair systems in klal yisroel...

momallhours

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 10:25 pm

amother Grape wrote:

She did know her well now, the question she was asked was did she ever have hashkafic issues in the past

amother

Grape

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 10:40 pm

momallhours wrote:

She did know her well now, the question she was asked was did she ever have hashkafic issues in the past

Yes she was asked about the past. However- Didn’t she say that since she didn’t know her well now she can’t be completely sure?
That’s what I thought would have qualified her answers. Having a current relationship and knowing where she stood not thinking back to having seen her with a girl in pants at the gas station.

amother

DarkGreen

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 10:42 pm

I agree with both sides. It's a tough situation for the seminary advisor to be in. She knew that if the seminary found out that she withheld the truth, then all the students of that school would loose a chance of ever getting accepted to that seminary. And the girl still kept up with her bad friends, so it doesn't seem like she was actually all that good.

amother

Whitewash

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 10:47 pm

I really saw both sides and they both had a point. What I really found shocking was, are seminaries really that involved in social politics of their students to that extent??? When it got to the part about how a seminary now won't take girls from a certain school because they felt they were mislead about one girl, I thought it was gonna be that the girl repeatedly broke curfew/tznius rules/hanging out with boys or something like that. But incident was some vague "was a little annoying and ruined the social dynamic" and are seminaries these days really that involved? Seems really bizarre honestly.

hamster

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 10:52 pm

While the seminary has a right to accept and reject whomever they want, these standards seemed quite elitist.
The mother did not have all the details about her daughter's challenges.
But I think the point was more about the trust that the mom had in the teacher who had been so caring and helpful, the feeling of betrayal, and whether that feeling was justified.
The whole thing was disturbing. With seminary letters going out this week, I'm sure a lot of people will have strong reactions to this story.

amother

Steelblue

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 10:53 pm

I dont think either side is techincally in the "wrong" here.

Malki and her mother should have expected this may come up. I would assume a BY sem would not be so accepting of a girl who hangs out with girls who wear pants etc, even if she herself is not struggling

Mrs Kramer maybe should have gone out of her way to get to know the current Malki a little better like another poster mentioned, but at the end of the day even if she had, she was asked very specific questions and it would not be okay for her to lie.

amother

Crystal

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 11:05 pm

And THIS is why we keep all our secrets hidden from our neighbors and anyone else inside the community becuase you never know when it will come back to bite you.

Also what in the world is wrong with continuing to keep in touch with girls who wear pants, if she herself does not?

amother

Moccasin

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 11:15 pm

hamster wrote:

Tonight. A terrible time to print such piece.

amother

Hyacinth

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 11:20 pm

There was nothing wrong with either side.

What was wrong is the lady from seminary's questioning!! Shame on her!
Mechaneches said she can vouch she's a good girl, there was no reason to ask "but was she 100% 3 yrs ago????"
Mother has every right to be upset but she's upset at the wrong person. She can't expect mechaneches to lie about something she knows.

amother

Almond

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 12:08 am

amother Hyacinth wrote:

Agree. Neither side was wrong here. It's the seminary that's in the wrong. What a horrible elitist business that's only looking for the picture perfect girl. And these are the folks supposedly providing guidance to these girls for their future??

Think about what they're doing. Girls will be afraid to reach out to mentors for help because it will come back to bite them. If they take a misstep , then they will feel they're doomed so they won't think about recovery. That's the attitude these seminary are fostering in our communities. And these are the educators educating our impressionable, idealistic young women??

amother

Buttercup

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 12:22 am

I'm curious if seminaries actually do ask questions like that irl.

I agree, it seemed a bit farfetched that they were so over the top about worrying about social dynamics after 1 girl from a specific school created some drama so they refused to ever accept any girls at all from that school even a few years later.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 12:37 am

There was a line something like if a girl doesn’t have yichus, money, excellent grades , etc., then she’s in trouble
Maybe with some seminaries but you think every seminary is full of rich people with yichus and who got straight As?
That part was annoying. All my friends and I did not come from that category and we all went to mainstream wonderful BY seminaries.

Otherwise - I saw both sides. Very tough.

sequoia

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 12:41 am

So the impression I got from reading it was completely dystopian, like an actual literal “Big brother is watching you” kind of situation that for some reason everyone thinks is normal. I sincerely hope the author is just running out of ideas and exaggerating for effect.

amother

Alyssum

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 5:17 am

amother Whitewash wrote:

I'm not sure how old you are or what your experience with seminary is, but I can tell you as someone who has been in seminary within the past few years, if a girl is emotionally unhealthy and has a history of creating these clingy, needy friendships, the seminary needs to know from the get-go. I know my year was majorly impacted by one such case. And I happened to have known this girl from before (not well) and I knew that this was an issue for her. If the seminary had known before, it would have saved a lot of agmas nefesh and pain on the part of many other girls.

amother

Lightgray

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 5:28 am

amother Alyssum wrote:

I don't send my girls to seminary, so I'm really just asking our of curiosity.

I understand a a seminary needing to know, but does that mean a girl should be automatically rejected? I would imagine that if the hanhala knows before hand they can have strategies in place for dealing with potential problems. I'm not talking about girls with known, severe mental health and or social issues, just girls that may struggle a little and need more support. It just seems a bit unfair that these girls are cancelled off the bat....