Need help!! | Imamother

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 12:06 am

I am so overwhelmed. My kid (early elementary age) has ADHD (mild) and mild autism. Was diagnosed professionally, not just by pediatrician or something. This was a full on several hour assessment. Highly intelligent too. So Twice exceptional.

At my wits end.
My kid now has started stealing food. Snacks mostly. We give plenty of food but is super hyper focused on food these days. The only time we refuse is when it is right before dinner or when we know my kid is using it as an excuse to avoid bedtime.
The weird part is that my kid is not even always eating it!! DC is also lying about taking it even when I have evidence 🙄. Eventually admits it. But won't tell me why. I told DC if they asked for a snack we can get it but it hadn't helped.

Please be nice. I am hanging on by a thread. No support IRL.

imasinger

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 1:27 am

What help are you getting? You might consider discussing the situation with a SW or BCBA.

From a distance, it sounds like you're on the right track in trying to figure out why, which can hopefully lead to a path forward. If DC isn't self aware enough to tell you, it might help to try keeping a written record of everything that goes on, particularly during the hours prior to the behavior, and then what goed on afterwards.

Possible causes might include "HALT" (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). The behavior could be attention seeking, or a stress response, or an antidote to boredom. Looking carefully at the data can help you figure it out.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 2:25 am

So the problem is I don't know when it is happening. I just find wrappers and food hidden all over the place. Very hard to figure out precursors if we don't know when. None of us see it happening but there is chocolate around their mouth, snacks in the backpack, stuff hidden in the room. (This kid has their own room).

We don't have any outside help. Where I live there are no resources available. The frum ones are for much "lower functioning" children (ie those not mainstreamed). My kid has always been mainstreamed in a yeshiva. The same goes for any government funded type programs. My kid doesn't meet the criteria for help. So we have been kind of figuring it out on our own. We started with the OT and speech from a young age because we saw symptoms. But only recently got the diagnoses.

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 2:31 am

Can it be driven by anxiety?

Maybe try designating a space in DC's room to store snacks. Also include a water bottle and a bowl of apples. If food is there and available, the pressure to get it may be lessened.

Additionally, make it VERY easy to admit taking snacks. No repercussions, no speeches, just "you're awesome for telling me the truth."

Hopefully with time you can get the clarity you need on why it's happening and what to do about it.

But small suggestion: Don't let it get overblown in your mind. This is not necessarily a downhill path to worse behaviors. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent or that this behavior will never disappear. It doesn't mean you're overlooking something major and everything is about to explode. It is a case of a kid taking and hoarding snacks for some as-yet unknown reason.

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:23 am

It might also be helpful to speak to the child's teachers and find out how the food situation works in school. Might there be more snack opportunities than you thought? Peer pressure with snacks? "Buying" popularity by sharing snacks? School lunches being less appealing and kids hungrier?

Any of those, in conjunction with impulsivity and some difficulty articulating the issues (whether because of guilty feelings or just general communication struggles) can lead to a child sneaking snacks, eating some and saving others for later.

amother

Blueberry

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 5:02 am

amother OP wrote:

If you DC is on medicine and the need for foods happen later in the day (near dinner or later in eve/night), could be bc the meds are wearing off - many adhd meds cause this effect (ie appetite suppression day hours then ravenous lager, after meds wear off). The “sneaking” can be lessened if you create a snack box that DC can go-to at set in-between meal times or whenever you are ok with extra nosh or foods. Only keep in the house (hidden or not) what the child will eat and you are ok with.

My suggestion is discuss this with your pediatrician and any mental health provider you have (usually if you have a neuro/psych done with the diagnosis/es you mention, a psychiatrist or psychologist or social worker is part of your world.

Also, depending where you live, government or specific organizations can be eligible, depends on how certain responses are worded for the eligible criteria questions.

Good luck and sorry you are working through thus but at least you have us mamas for a sounding board.

imasinger

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:15 pm

Just to figure what advice might be reasonable, how much time are you able to spend with DC?

How many other kids do you have?

Would it make sense to have a little space reserved just for DC to store treats, give them a key so nobody else can take it, but keep it out of the bedroom?

Would it make sense to plan a structured snack/treat time, so that there's a sense that it will happen soon?

Would it make sense to buy less, so there's less temptation?

Would it make sense to spend some family time at the table talking about nutrition and healthy eating?

Would it make sense to lock up the treats?