What do you answer an apikorus?

thegiver

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 1:58 am

Is there a book with answers

All seriousness. I have a family member who I want to convince to return to Torah. He is deep down a spiritual person but jaded by frum ppl asking for $, wondering whether Torah is made up, and was raised in a family that made fun of religious people.

Love him and I truly feel bad for him and want to help him! His wife says talking won’t help but maybe writing a letter? Sending him a book? He’s a doctor with liberal tendencies and loves reading (medical journals)

A general skeptic attitude towards everything and somewhat of an isolationist. Opposed to materialism. Environmentalist. Gardener.

So many ways to approach this I think. Hashem is found in everything.

singleagain

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 6:20 am

I would be very hesitant on purposefully trying to be mkarve someone. Unless you've had training in that area or they are the ones to express interest.

Also what kind of life does his wife live? Would she also be willing to follow everything? If she's the more interested one, maybe maybe you can bring things up with her?

lucky14

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 6:35 am

You don’t. You stay out of it unless they come to you. You keep the relationship friendly. Do not start getting pushy - which is what you will most likely come off as if you write a letter, give a book, or anything else of the sort.

Princess23

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:02 am

thegiver wrote:

What makes you call him an Apikorses? There are actual Apikorsim out there denying Torah, reading it like an academic, taking out shelo asani isha from davening, etc… you honestly shouldn’t get involved with such people. Most dislike frum people and they won’t listen because they know our ideas but argue against them. (ie conservative leaders, open orthodox, etc…)

shoshanim999

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:12 am

thegiver wrote:

No, there's no book that will prove anything 100%.

Goody2shoes

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:54 am

thegiver wrote:

So first of all, non of what you write makes him an apikores. He's not denying G-d, he's just not interested in being observant.
That brings me to the second of all, if he isn't interested there's nothing much you can do. Kiruv is usually a joint effort of both sides. If he's a doctor, there are thousands of ways in which he can find Hashem. But If he isn't interested it won't happen.
You can only daven.

Last edited by Goody2shoes on Wed, Feb 21 2024, 10:46 am; edited 1 time in total

peace2

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 10:44 am

It's not a good idea to go down the road of "proving G-d". A very smart person can debunk even the best argument. That's where emunah comes in. Also, if he was frum and left because he was jaded, arguing that frum life is truth probably won't get you anywhere. Just be accepting of him, invite him over, show him the beauty of your torah life, and daven that he comes back

ftm1234

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 10:50 am

First, define apikorus.

Even if the person really is an apikorus I can't imagine any good coming out of you trying to change his beliefs. People change their beliefs when they choose to, not when others choose to do it for them.

ShishKabob

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 10:51 am

Ruchi wrote:

IMHO, Best not to engage in any shape or form with an apikorus.
Otherwise first speak to professionals in this field to hear their opinion and take.

I was told that you should 'know' what to answer an apikores, you don't necessarily have to be the one to debate them or try to convince them with your knowledge.

Roots

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 1:16 pm

when I was in college I had a very secular class with lots of questions to me since I was the only chareidi frum jew
listening to r. yossi mizrachis beginner classes helped me with some basic responses to questions

jerusalem90

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 5:02 am

zaq wrote:

Just FTR, taking "shelo asani ishah" out of the davening does not an apikores make, no matter what your Morah told you. Learn what apikorsut is before throwing the word around like so much confetti.

Half of all frum Jews don't say "shelo asani ishah" when they daven anyway 🤪