At what age is it normal to understand this?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 2:28 am

I'm just wondering at what age little kids start to understand that everyone has separate lives (meaning that they're not the centre of everyone else's universe)?

For example, our 3yo (turned 3 less than 3ms ago k"ah) had a doctor's appointment. She had to sit still for something for a bit so I started talking to her about daycare. She told the doctor "I played with Carmel* today." So I explained to the doctor that Carmel is her friend from daycare. Later I thought maybe I should have explained to her that the doctor doesn't know who Carmel is and she should explain it to the doctor.

She often says similar things to people who would have no idea who/what she's talking about. Should I be more active in teaching her about this? Should she be able to grasp this if I tell her? Do some kids get this naturally?

*Name of friend changed.

amother

Chicory

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 2:30 am

No, this is totally normal. Leave it alone. As she grows, she will realize on her own.
At this age it's normal for the world to center around them.

essie14

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 2:37 am

Totally normal.

amother

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 2:43 am

Thanks everyone! I appreciate it. I was a bit slow to pick up certain social cues growing up so I wanted to make sure I'm not dropping the ball with her. So you don't think it's useful to even say something like "Sweetie, the doctor never met Carmel. Should we tell her who Carmel is? Carmel is your friend in daycare, right?"

For what it's worth, I'm not generally worried at all about her socially. I just wanted to make sure I'm not ignoring anything or neglecting learning opportunities.

essie14

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 3:48 am

I think it happens naturally. If she was still doing this at age 7, maybe I'd say that you should say something but 3 years old is very young to understand too much outside of your own daled amot.

amother

Birch

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 3:57 am

Is she your only child?

amother

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 6:25 am

amother Birch wrote:

Is she your only child?

Am I making it too obvious? LOL

amother

Pink

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 6:43 am

This is totally age appropriate. It’s nice that she’s comfortable socializing and sharing by saying she played with Carmel. Don’t shut that down. She’s verbalizing and expressing herself. She’s learning to communicate. You want to encourage that, not stifle it.
Three is little. If she wants to talk and share that’s good. At three she still thinks she’s the center of the universe. By six she’ll start figuring out we all have our own lives.

amother

Foxglove

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 7:48 am

Either don’t say anything at all or you can add yourself to the dr, “Carmel is her friend at daycare.”

Don’t explain it to her. She’s doing great for her age.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 7:52 am

So normal for this age. Most adults would continue the conversation: oh that's so nice you play with Carmel. Who's Carmel? A friend from school?
Your daughter would say yes
It's a back and a forth, that's how she will learn how to socialize and have conversations with people. It's important to keep talking to her and asking questions so she learns.
Children do what they see, not what they hear.

amother

Clear

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 7:57 am

Theory of mind (understanding that other people have their own thoughts and feelings that might be different from yours or from reality) typically starts to develop between age 3 and 5. She's right on track!

miami85

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 11:23 am

It's something probably more normal around 3-5. You could probably inform her that "The doctor doesn't know kids in your class" and make it a conversation. If it happens even if you DO inform her, then that would be more bothersome.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 11:26 am

miami85 wrote:

Even if you do inform her it doesn’t mean she understands so it’s still normal

miami85

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 11:36 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

Even if you do inform her it doesn’t mean she understands so it’s still normal

True, but by 3 she should start having an understanding of the concept. I said "bothersome" not "problem", but I also said 3-5 is a normal range. It could mean lower intelligence, slower processing, or lack of theory of mind. Bothersome can mean "keep an eye on it" and "make a conscious effort to make sure it improves".

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