Do girls light menorah?

amother

Oatmeal

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 3:50 pm

My parents made me stop at bas mitzvah and I resented it for years. I finally moved out in my early 20s and immediately started lighting again. Kept it up after I got married, too.

MrsDash

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 4:14 pm

peace2 wrote:

I think this is a misconception. Women don't do mitzvos to share the experience. We are patur from mitzvas asei shezman grama but we still get to fulfill a positive commandment if we do the mitzvah. If women sat in the sukkah to share the experience, why would they make leisheiv? The bracha is on the mitzvah, which we can do just as much as a man can. The difference is that if we don't fulfill the mitzvah we aren't penalized for missing a mitzvas asei like a man would be.
This applies to any mitzvah that a woman isn't chayav in because of time constraints

Although, it is a known fact that women are awesome, and can multitask, which means both explanations are true. Very Happy

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 4:14 pm

Reality wrote:

Ashkenazi girls should light. The chiddush is that a married woman can be yotzei through her husband.

Some communities took on a geder in tznius that women shouldn't light outside. It morphed into not lighting at all.

The opposite is true too. If your husband will be home really late your LOR may actually say it's halachically better for you to light for both of you.

But also as you said, she CAN be yotzei. She doesn't have to be.

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 4:16 pm

MrsDash wrote:

Kind of the same reason why women eat in the sukkah. We like to share the experience, even though it's not a required mitzvah.

(Grew up jpf and yes, the ladies in the house lit menorahs as well.)

Actually women are required to light menorah, or someone must do so on their behalf. If you are in Norway alone you don't need a sukkah, but you definitely have a chiyuv to light menorah!

There's other time bound Mitzvahs like megillah, shofar, neiros for shabbos, and others that we have a chiyuv in.

amother

Hunter

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 4:19 pm

paperflowers wrote:

Because it's written straight out in the Shulchan Aruch that girls are also chayav in lighting. (There are those whose minhag is otherwise, but unless you have a clear mesora like that is no reason to exclude girls from one of the only mitzvos about which it is straight out written that they are chayav.) After marriage generally the woman is included with her husband.

ETA: According to sources posted above (Thanks!) it's actually the Gemara

My question is what happens at Bas Mitzvah, why are the stopped from lighting? Due to tzniyus?

Or it's the opposite, one for the household but we save the boys need to light for "chinuch".

Either way I do feel somehow our communities decided women shouldn't be seen or heard at some point and they just make up different reasons to justify it.

amother

Pink

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 4:23 pm

I lit menorah until I got married. My girls all light menorah too. I've never heard of stopping to light menorah at bas mitzvah age.

Tzutzie

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 4:27 pm

Our girls do because they want to. but without a bracha. our oldest is 10. I guess she'll do as long as she wants to.
I don't remember lighting as a kid. Never really cared to. Although my siblings did. Satmar Chassidish.

amother

Feverfew

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 5:02 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

Actually, many hold that women are not mechayav in shofer or megillah.

amother

Olive

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 5:05 pm

Grew up JPF. In all cases, my father made the bracha and we were yotze with his: Chanuka licht, kiddush, havdalah, etc. etc. For Chanuka our kids brought home menorahs they made in school so of course I had to let them light. And now that they're parents, their kids light from a very early age, pretty much as soon as they can say a bracha with help. TTYTT, this scares the daylights out of me, especially in a big family and in the latter half of Chanuka when there are so many candles and so many flames and so much heat being produced and so many little kids running around. I rather preferred my parents' way of doing things.

MrsDash

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 5:16 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

Thanks for pointing that out! Hug

amother

Bone

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 5:34 pm

Tzutzie wrote:

I'm Satmar too, growing up I lit with a bracha for as long as I wanted to. I don't remember when I stopped. My 8yo daughter lights with a bracha and she already let me know that she's planning on lighting her own menorah forever Very Happy

csstb

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 8:06 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

Women definitely do not have a chiyuv in shofar. Neiros for shabbos is also different—it’s not a mitzvah on the person. While it may be preferable for a woman to light Shabbos candles, the chiyuv to have Shabbos candles in your home is fulfilled equally by having someone else who’s reached the age of mitzvos light. That being said, it’s very similar to what Shulchan Aruch says regarding neiros chanukah because the mechaber permits only one menorah per house (a man and woman have exactly the same preference and status when it comes to lighting).

amother

Catmint

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 8:31 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

DH works really late hours and as per our rav, I light for him on those nights when he’ll be very late. The nights he’s home early enough to light with us, I don’t light (meaning either he lights for me or I light for him but both of us never light).

All of our children, boys and girls, light every night. Now that I think about it, I guess technically my teenage children could light for him instead of me but we’ve been doing it like this for years (haven’t asked a shaila since they’re little so not sure what the answer would be). We are yeshivish/JPF

amother

Arcticblue

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 8:43 pm

A few points

- in some communities women and/or girl can light, should light, or shouldn't light. (for example in Chabad women don't light

- women's obligation in menorah lighting as quoted above from shulchan aruch means you need to light, or be present during lighting of husband/father who is Motzi, otherwise you can give some money to share in the menorah of a place you're staying at, but there may be more details how exactly its done which im not clear about.

- AFAIK it's not so simple that a woman can be motzi a man with Chanuka candles, ask your lor

ETA hugger please explain why this was hugged