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-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Chanukah
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:38 pm
I have a few sons BH, and now a daughter who is old enough to light a menorah. We automatically gave her one to light, but my older sons want to know why she is lighting. TBH we never really thought about it, I know I lit when I was a kid, probably until at least bas mitzvah age. But my parents were new BT's and often didnt do things like that.
Is it done for a girl to light a menorah? If yes, until what age?
For reference we are JPF veering towards the yeshivish spectrum 
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Chayalle
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:41 pm
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I know some who do and some who don't. My girls didn't (actually sometimes they did just for fun, but officially they didn't) and I have nieces who did (some until Bas Mitzva or whenever they decided to stop and just be yotzei with their father). For reference we are an FFB family with some veering towards yeshivish and some more heimish.
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amother
Wandflower
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:41 pm
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I always learned girls light until they are married. Also jpf.
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peace2
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:43 pm
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JPF. Grew up lighting, stopped when I got married. Prob most of my friends also lit when single (OOT for reference)
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amother
Skyblue
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:44 pm
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In our JPF neighborhood, many girls light until they get married. Some others like myself grow out of it after seminary. Basically, the Halacha starts with “Ner Ish UBaiso” one per household and then says it’s even more mehudar (praiseworthy) to have “Ner L’Kol Echad V’Echad” one menorah for each member of the household. So basically in our circles the wife is yotzei with the husband and the other family members can light, including the girls. I’m sure there are MO neighborhoods where wives light there own menorahs too.
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amother
Seashell
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:44 pm
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Very similar to you, op! My only daughter is now old enough to light with help and we started doing it by default, but... I guess Ill just let her light as long as she wants to.
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amother
Crimson
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:44 pm
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My girls lit when they were little. I don't remember when they stopped, whenever they felt they were too big I guess. I also remember lighting as a little girl and stopped at some point.
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Reality
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:46 pm
Ashkenazi girls should light. The chiddush is that a married woman can be yotzei through her husband.
Some communities took on a geder in tznius that women shouldn't light outside. It morphed into not lighting at all.
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amother
Lightcoral
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:46 pm
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BrisketBoss
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:47 pm
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JPF and I light, though I learned that my husband can light for me if I want.
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lamplighter
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:47 pm
My girls light and stop when they want to.
It's part of their chinuch.
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paperflowers
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:47 pm
Because it's written straight out in the Shulchan Aruch that girls are also chayav in lighting. (There are those whose minhag is otherwise, but unless you have a clear mesora like that is no reason to exclude girls from one of the only mitzvos about which it is straight out written that they are chayav.) After marriage generally the woman is included with her husband.
ETA: According to sources posted above (Thanks!) it's actually the Gemara
Last edited by paperflowers on Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Snowdrop
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:51 pm
I'm a convert so I have no family tradition, but in dh's family girls, meaning his sisters, did light as children, there are plenty of photos of them. Don't know when they stopped.
Our dd lights together with the boys, she's still below bat mitzvah.
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amother
Dandelion
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:57 pm
| paperflowers wrote: | Because it's written straight out in the Shulchan Aruch that girls are also chayav in lighting. (There are those whose minhag is otherwise, but unless you have a clear mesora like that is no reason to exclude girls from one of the only mitzvos about which it is straight out written that they are chayav.) After marriage generally the woman is included with her husband.
ETA: According to sources posted above (Thanks!) it's actually the Gemara |
Definitely not shulchan aruch. According to the shulchan aruch (which sefardim follow) only one menora is lit in each household. Boys do not light either unless they are the head of the household. It's not minhag, it's halacha. Ashkenazim follow the Rama, hence more than one menora per household.
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amother
Orange
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:58 pm
אף הן היו באותו הנס
(They were also part of the miracle)
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amother
Feverfew
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:59 pm
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My girls light their own menorah. (Chassidish)
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Reality
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 3:06 pm
| amother Dandelion wrote: | | Definitely not shulchan aruch. According to the shulchan aruch (which sefardim follow) only one menora is lit in each household. Boys do not light either unless they are the head of the household. It's not minhag, it's halacha. Ashkenazim follow the Rama, hence more than one menora per household. |
It is actually the only time that Ashkenazim follow the Rambam and Sefardim follow Tosfos.
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scruffy
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 3:07 pm
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Yeshivish, I lit until I got married.
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MrsDash
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 3:10 pm
Kind of the same reason why women eat in the sukkah. We like to share the experience, even though it's not a required mitzvah.
(Grew up jpf and yes, the ladies in the house lit menorahs as well.)
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peace2
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Wed, Dec 13 2023, 3:22 pm
| MrsDash wrote: | Kind of the same reason why women eat in the sukkah. We like to share the experience, even though it's not a required mitzvah.
(Grew up jpf and yes, the ladies in the house lit menorahs as well.) |
I think this is a misconception. Women don't do mitzvos to share the experience. We are patur from mitzvas asei shezman grama but we still get to fulfill a positive commandment if we do the mitzvah. If women sat in the sukkah to share the experience, why would they make leisheiv? The bracha is on the mitzvah, which we can do just as much as a man can. The difference is that if we don't fulfill the mitzvah we aren't penalized for missing a mitzvas asei like a man would be.
This applies to any mitzvah that a woman isn't chayav in because of time constraints
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