Parties | Imamother

amother

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 9:47 pm

If your family rented space like urban air for your family chanukah party, how much did it cost, what size family are you, and did you need to all pay towards the cost or did the person that arragned it pay for it?

Im wondering what standard price is

watergirl

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 9:56 pm

There is no expectation, standard, or norm. I hosted my in-laws family party (fwiw, not frum) and while my sister in law asked what she can bring (I said drinks, she brought one bottle of iced tea and one bottle of apple cider), my MIL did not bring even a single chocolate coin to contribute. It was shocking because when my SIL hosts, my MIL orders in all the food and pays for it so it’s kosher for us. So while I kind of assumed she’d contribute something to the cost, she did not which is what it is because we did not ask her to.

amother

Blue

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 10:12 pm

watergirl wrote:

Ouch. She probably wasn’t thinking in those term.

amother

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 10:22 pm

watergirl wrote:

Wow that is frustrating.
Its really not right for people to shirk responsibility because one nice family member arranged everything

watergirl

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 10:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow that is frustrating.
Its really not right for people to shirk responsibility because one nice family member arranged everything

I hear you but to be fair, no one had responsibility aside from the host (me and my husband in this case) because it was not planned as an “everyone contribute” party, though I never walk into a party (especially family) without contributing, does not mean they will do like me. While I wish my in-laws did kick in, they were my guests and they did not do anything wrong (but yes hurtful and clueless). Does that make sense?

In other words, if the host expects everyone to chip in, it needs to be clear upon extending the invitation.

amother

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 10:49 pm

watergirl wrote:

I get it, makes a lot of sense. I guess communication beforehand is key.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 11:35 pm

I get how frustrating it is that your in laws did not contribute and the seemingly unequal fact that they do at your sil's house. However, I'm still thinking about how nice it is that your mil makes sure that you have kosher food when you go to your sil. Families are complicated, but it's still important to try to find some joy in it. As you get older, you realize that people don't live forever and some of the things that irked you when you were younger don't seem so important anymore. It's also really nice for your kids to have a sense of family.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 3:39 am

Yes, communication is the key.
We've hosted many events for both my side and DH's side of the family.
We don't explicitly ask for major contributions- a salad here and there, a dessert.
If we would have an event off site I would definitely make the expectations VERY clear beforehand because otherwise I would be stuck with the bill.

Dh's siblings all hosted an anniversary party for his parents at a restaurant. I made all the arrangements because we're the only ones who live in the same city as his parents but we made sure that everyone knew that we were splitting all costs evenly. I was very transparent about what I spent (decor, gift, etc) and then we added that to the final bill from the restaurant and split it evenly.