Boris the Feminist

ectomorph

Thu, Dec 07 2023, 12:50 pm

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And learns about Hanukkah.

As always it's a labor of love, no monetization. Some might find it weird, but hopefully others will enjoy it. If you'd like to get all eight installments directly to your email, you can click the link to subscribe, but no pressure - I'm sharing the text here just for fun!

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Part 1/8:
Boris The Terrible Infiltrates Ohr Somayach And Learns About Hanukkah
Hanukkah was coming.

Boris was sad that the bitter month of Cheshvan had passed. That meant it was now the Jewish month of Kislev, and in 251 days, it would be Hanukkah. Eight2 days of lights and songs and miracles? Boris would do anything to stop that from happening. Boris realized that in order to sabotage the Jews effectively, he would need to learn more about Jewish law.3

So, one fateful year, Boris set out for Ohr Somayach, an institution reputed for its enlightening teachings on Judaism, with a plan to inquire about Hanukkah.4 Boris told them the smallest part of the truth: he had had heard that people could go to Ohr Somayach to learn about Judaism, and he wanted to learn about Hanukkah. Not suspecting ulterior motives, they welcomed him with open arms.

Boris asked: What is Hanukkah? And why do you people light on Hanukkah?5

The Rabbis answered according to the Talmud: From the twenty-fifth of Kislev, the days of Chanukah are eight, on which eulogies and fasting are forbidden.6

Boris looked confused. He rarely thought about either eulogies or fasting.

So, at first, Boris needed to learn the story, at least in brief.7 The Maccabees, from a priestly family known as the Hasmoneans, wanted to keep Torah and Jewish traditions alive. Although fewer, less sophisticated, and less powerful, G-d miraculously allowed them to defeat their enemies. They wanted to light the Menorah in the Holy Temple, but all the sanctified olive oil has already been defiled.

Everyone searched for a sealed and pure jug of olive oil with which to light the Menorah. Only one jug of oil was found, enough for just one day. But miraculously, that oil lasted for eight days, giving them time to procure more pure oil. In honor of this miracle, understanding people8 established these eight day to thank and praise G-d.9 10

Boris, who is really terrible: Why didn't they go to Costco! Or order from Amazon? They have tons of pure olive oil! From Greece!1112

(As you can see, Boris's understanding of Hanukkah was shakier than a spinning dreidel that is about to topple.)

Which brings us to tomorrow, Day 2: Boris Is Inspired By the Greeks And Accidentally Fixes The Dreidels.

Last edited by ectomorph on Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:08 am; edited 3 times in total

ectomorph

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 10:10 am

https://ishayirashashem.substa.....ks-to

(I am copying the text and one picture per post here. There are lengthy footnotes in the original post, and sometimes more than one picture, but you'd have to click for those. This is just to enjoy the story by itself. Also, the Spanish versions feature exactly the same content.)

Day 2/8: Boris Inspired By the Greeks To Fix The Dreidels

Boris wasn't much interested in the story of the oil. He was more interested in the Greeks. They seemed to have troubled the Jews quite a bit, an accomplishment Boris1 admired.

Boris was delighted to learn that the Greeks had forbidden1 the Jews from learning Torah. Oh, how Boris wished he could do something like that! But how could he convince the Jews not to learn Torah, especially on Hanukkah?

At Ohr Somayach, Boris had been told about how, even under perilous conditions in the past, Jews continued learning Torah. A Jewish person without Torah is compared a fish without water. So when Torah learning was prohibited by law, many retreated to caves in order to practice their traditions secretly.

The government authorities would send inspectors to find out what they were doing in the caves. But whenever these inspectors arrived, they would cunningly hide their sacred texts and pretend to be engaged in a gambling sort of game known as 'dreidel'. If they were playing dreidel, they couldn't be learning Torah, could they?

This gave him an idea.

Boris would rather the Jews play dreidel2 than learn Torah! He would happily provide the dreidels for this cause, for free. So Boris ordered dreidels from the land of Israel, hoping this would provide a distraction and maybe encourage some gambling. Eager to inspect the new gambling toys, he unwrapped one Dreidel. It had strange markings on all four sides. It looked like Hebrew.

Quote:

נ ג ה פ

What could that possibly mean? Was it a secret code, or perhaps a Kabbalistic incantation? He'd better find out before he gave one away to every Jew in Chelm.

Curious, Boris approached the Rabbi of Chelm to inquire about the inscriptions on it. The Rabbi explained, "It reads, 'A great miracle happened here,' in Hebrew: 'Nes gadol haya po.'"

Boris, perplexed, asked, "Here? There are no miracles here! Not in my store! What's the Hebrew word for 'there'?"

Rabbi replied, "That would be 'Nes gadol haya sham,' meaning 'A great miracle happened there.' You would need a ש instead of a פ."

Determined to thwart any miracles in his store, Boris meticulously altered "פ-here" to "ש-there" on every dreidel, rendering them to declare, "A great miracle happened over there!" Boris was surprised when no one complained.

For you:

Can you guess why no one complained about the Dreidels?

ectomorph

Sat, Dec 09 2023, 8:08 pm

https://ishayirashashem.substa.....ttent

Day 3/8: The Latke-tostraphe Of Intermittent Fasting
Another year, Boris tried a different tack. He had learned at Ohr Somayach that Jews aren't supposed to refrain from eating or drinking on Hanukkah. He wondered if he could convince the Jews to fast, even on Hanukkah. Boris became enamored with the concept of intermittent fasting, and promoted it to the community of Chelm, via an advertising campaign.

To his surprise, the Jews embraced the idea, initiating fasts on Mondays and Thursdays after Hanukkah. However, he soon discovered that this was already a longstanding Jewish practice.

Poor Boris. Boris had fasted all Hanukkah, hoping to get other people to copy him. Alas, his own fasting that year caused him to miss out on enjoying fresh Hanukkah treats. Now, he faced a year-long wait for a fresh latke, a true latke-tostraphe.1

If only he'd had my recipe for latkes, he could have made them himself. Which brings us to…

Isha Yiras Hashem's recipe for Latkes:
On the internet, every recipe requires an introduction. Please introduce yourself in the comments.
Welcome to the "I'm-pretty-sure-this-will-work" latke recipe! I made up this recipe, based on my potato kugel recipe, which is exactly the same, but baked in a pan instead of fried. My children have never complained. (Full disclosure: I haven’t gotten them to taste it yet.)

Now, don't get your hopes too high. This isn't the "best-ever" latke recipe. Nor is it an “easy-one-bowl” recipe. It's not even "super-crispy" or “spicy” or “widely acclaimed”. It is, however, naturally gluten and sugar free.

Optimistically, many people think of Isha Yiras Hashem’s Latke recipe as “more likely than not to be edible.”

If fried properly, there is no risk of food poisoning from the raw eggs. Other dangers include getting cut by the potato peeler, shredded by the grater, burned by the hot oil, and people repeatedly asking you how much longer it will be until they are ready. By making this recipe, you agree to the liability disclaimer below.

Ingredients and instructions:

Peel and grate a lot of potatoes (to taste), and an onion (to taste). Mix with eggs (to taste) and oil (also to taste.) Add salt and pepper to taste.

Fry in oil. When you get tired of frying, put the rest into a pan and bake it as potato kugel.

Liability Disclaimer for Isha Yiras Hashem's Latke Recipe:
1. General Disclaimer: This recipe is provided as a casual culinary guide by a non-expert cook. Isha Yiras Hashem assumes no responsibility for any mishaps, culinary disasters, or weight gain that may result from its use.

2. Skill Level: This recipe is intended for individuals with a basic understanding of cooking. If you're more likely to burn water than boil it, buy your latkes from the local kosher store instead.

3. Ingredient Variability: The quantities of ingredients listed are intended as suggestions. The user assumes full responsibility for any taste tests and final outcomes.

4. Kosher, Allergy and Dietary Restrictions: Users are responsible for ensuring the ingredients meet their personal requirements.

5. Kitchen Safety: Cooking involves heat, sharp utensils, and potentially slippery surfaces. Most importantly, it involves navigating around other humans who may be present. Exercise caution and common sense at all times.

6. Taste Expectations: Isha Yiras Hashem does not guarantee that the recipe will meet all taste preferences. Isha Yiras Hashem cannot be held responsible for individual levels of satisfaction or lack thereof. Cooking results may vary.

7. Health and Nutrition: This recipe is not intended as health or nutritional advice.

8. By using this recipe, you acknowledge and agree to these terms, and accept that your latkes are your own responsibility.

ectomorph

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:39 am

(for pictures and full footnotes)
https://ishayirashashem.substa.....inist

One year, Boris tried to stir feminist dissent against Hanukkah. He assumed Jewish women, burdened with holiday preparations, would readily embrace his divisive cause. But he had underestimated the depth of their knowledge of, and devotion to, their religion.

To his surprise, every woman he approached told him this was ridiculous. They quoted the Talmud, Tractate Shabbat 23b, where it says explicitly that women were part of the miracle of Hanukkah.1

R. Yehoshua ben Levi said: Women are obligated concerning lighting Hanukkah candles, since they, too, were part of the miracle.

Additionally, some of the most powerful elements of Hanukkah came about through women.

1. Judith
For instance, eating dairy foods during the festival is a tradition linked to a woman named Judith.23

Judith, a woman of remarkable courage, went to see the attacking general, Helifornos. She explained that she had a secret message for the general, and must meet him in private.4

The general was charmed by her, and wanted her to join him for a meal. She refused to eat his food, because it was not kosher, which may remind you of Daniel and his three friends in Nebuchadnezzar’s palace.5 Of course, Yehudis couldn't tell him this, because he was intent on fighting her religion. Instead, she offered him her own cheese and wine, which she had brought to him in her basket, and which she explained that she had made herself. She would like Helifornos to taste it.

Judith hoped the salty cheese would make Helifornos thirsty, and that he would consequently drink wine to quench his thirst. Her plan worked. He ate the cheese and drank the wine. Once inebriated, Helifornos fell into a deep slumber.

Judith pulled his sword out of its sheath and used it to cut off his head. She put the decapitated head in the basket, which had held the cheese and wine. Then she left, as if nothing had happened, whispering to the guards that they shouldn't bother Helifornos while he is sleeping.6 After safely returning to her people, Judith revealed her triumph by having the leaders display Helifornos' head on the city walls. This shocking sight caused his soldiers to flee in terror.

2. Channah and her seven sons:
There is another, tragic and compelling story related to Hanukkah. It is known as the story of Channah and her seven sons.

Channah and her sons were arrested by King Antiochus, who demanded that they renounce their faith and bow to an idol. Channah actually encouraged her sons to allow themselves to be killed rather than worship the idol. 7

One by one, each son refused, showing steadfast devotion to their beliefs, even in the face of death. She then collapsed and died.

Rebbetzin Fastag comments:

I read that the mother, whose real name is not specified, as Chazal simply call her 'a woman', is believed by many to be the reincarnation of Abraham's mother.

When Nimrod decreed that Abraham would be thrown in the furnace for opposing idol worship, she attempted to persuade him to yield to Nimrod to spare his life. This inadvertently intensified the challenges he faced. This act necessitated a form of rectification, which she achieved by doing the exact opposite in her later life as Channah. In this role, she demonstrated immense strength by encouraging her sons to remain steadfast in their faith, even in the face of death.

Boris was left speechless after hearing about these powerful women. Boris was extremely annoyed by the women's knowledge and pride in their heritage. He would have to try something else.

(For the elevation of the soul of Nechama bas Yechiel)
🕎🕎🕎🕎🕎

1
https://ohr.edu/explore_judais.....f/246 by Rabbi Mendel Weinbach

Rashbam's approach is that the women were the catalysts for these miracles - Esther for Purim, Yehudis for Chanukah and the righteous women of Israel for the miracle of the Exodus from Egypt. Tosafos takes a different line and stresses the fact that women were as exposed to danger from the enemy decrees as were the men, and must therefore equally celebrate the miracle which redeemed them.

2
https://etzion.org.il/en/holid.....racle

Article by Rabbi Yaakov Medan, translated by Kaeren Fish. Thanks to Devorah Berkovitz for permission to quote.

Rashi (ad loc.) understands this to mean not only that the women were redeemed along with the men, but that they were actively involved in the miracle; they played a role in bringing it about:

For the Greeks decreed that every maiden to be married would lie first with the [Greek] officer, and the miracle was performed by a woman.

How was the miracle of Chanuka "performed by a woman"? The Tosafot (Pesachim 108b) provide more detail, explaining that the miracle was performed "by Yehudit." The story of Yehudit is recounted by the Kolbo:

Women are obligated concerning Chanuka candles since they too were part of the miracle – meaning, the enemies came to annihilate everyone, men, women, and children.

And there are some who explain that it was through a woman, named Yehudit, that this great miracle occurred for them. As recounted in the aggada: Yochanan, the Kohen Gadol, had a daughter who was extremely beautiful, and the Greek king ordered that she should lie with him. And she fed him a cheese dish so that he would become thirsty and drink much and become inebriated, and he lay down and fell asleep. And while he lay asleep, she took his sword and cut off his head and brought it to Jerusalem. And when the army saw that their leader was dead, they fled. And therefore there is a custom to prepare cheese dishes on Chanuka. (Kolbo, siman 44)

In light of the Kolbo, the Rema rules:

Some say that one should eat cheese on Chanuka, since the miracle came about through the milk which Yehudit fed to the enemy. (Rema, Orach Chayim 670:2)

Yeshivat Har Etzion's Torat Har Etzion/Virtual Beit Midrash website

3
There is a book of Judith in apocrypha, but it is not reliable and contains obvious mistakes.

Via Ohr Somayach:

These books and others like them are part of what is known as the Apocrypha. The Apocrypha are not considered holy, inspired or prophetically written. Therefore, they are not necessarily historically accurate. The Book of Maccabees describes events already discussed in the Talmud and hence is generally considered more accurate than the other books of the apocrypha. Another account is the Scroll of Antiochus, which is printed in the Siddur Otzar Hatefillot. Some communities used to read the Scroll of Antiochus during Chanukah on Shabbat afternoon.

https://ohr.edu/ask_db/ask_main.php/173/Q4/

Ohr Somayach Institutions www.ohr.edu

4
Judges 3:19; this is similar to Ehud Ben Gera who told King Eglon he had a secret message to tell him. Once alone, he killed him. The “secret message” is death.

5
https://ishayirashashem.substa.....ought