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-> Yom Tov / Holidays
nachlaot
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 Fri, Sep 29 2023, 11:00 am
The collective amount of time and money spent by all of us making all these shabbat and yom tov meals one after another just seems absolutely insane to me, when I think about it. I'm not even talking about rich people buying the finest ingredients to show off and one-up each other, or gourmet chefs spending hours perfecting a single dish. I'm talking normal people just making typical meals with typical effort.
Is this really what Hashem wants from us? When I think about all the women slaving away non-stop for an entire month making one huge meal after another and going from one holiday to the next (plus all the money spent on it), it just seems like such an unnecessary waste.
I think that half the time, people aren't even noticing what they're eating and don't even care what they're eating. They're busy shmoozing. Or they're full from all the previous meals.
And it the amount of time it takes people to shovel the food in their mouth versus the time to prepare that food is just crazy if you think about.
I feel like you could just order a few pizzas or cold cuts or something and throw them out on the counter and everyone will have just as good a time and can discuss torah and sing songs etc, and honor the holiday, and it's just not necessary for all of us to spend so much time and money on all of this.
Anyone else feel this way?
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ap
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 11:18 am
It's for our pleasure to eat the good food
We get back the money we spend
If you feel overwhelmed you can cut back
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Mama!
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 11:28 am
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I personally love this month of chaos and family. I’m usually extremely rigid and structured and on yt I let me kids go to sleep late (the young ones nap) and I allow myself to sleep in. I love that DH and I are off from work and have quality time and I enjoy indulging and using my creativity when it comes to cooking. Have there been years where I was overwhelmed and had challah, dips, baked fish, cold cut meals? Absolutely- it was still beautiful because it was family time. You can choose to spend as much or as little as you want. The only problem is when ppl take pressure form other ppl who enjoy going all out when they don’t. You do you!
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hodeez
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 11:31 am
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No I would not enjoy cold cuts over a nice roast or juicy steak. With that being said you don't have to go all out, do what is good for you and your family. I enjoy making a lot of salads and new recipes for my family and braiding challah with the kids. If you don't enjoy for sure the work feels so much more difficult and tedious.
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care4u
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 11:33 am
If you're feeling this way you need to figure out a way to make it easier.
I cook in advance- even when I worked full time I used to plan my menu so that most of the things could be made in advance. From a month before I was doing a little bit each week so that it was completely manageable. This week is stress free just a couple last minute things to do
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hotpretzel
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 11:33 am
I love the time together with my siblings at my parents. My mother cooks simple...and we help out with cooking, setting up and cleaning up
It's so nice to be off from work and enjoy quality family time
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SuperWify
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 11:34 am
The best part of my yt experience is trying new recipes and setting nice tables, so please don’t take away my fun.
My guests love coming to me because they know they will try something new and delicious.
At least that’s what they tell me.
And I don’t make the most expensive meats. You can do a lot with chop meat, ribs, pot roast, whole chicken ect.
(I don’t like cleaning up. No.)
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zaq
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 4:49 pm
Who says you have to make such lavish meals? My YT meals aren't materially different from my regular Shabbat meals. Oh, I'll make one beef dish, which I don't usually do, and maybe a baked dessert which ditto, but I don't make a week's worth of seven-course Cordon Bleu meals and I definitely don't try anything new. Strictly the tried and true.
But you know you could say "Is this what Hashem wants?" about everything that frum people do. Does He really want men to wear fedoras that cost a week's rent or women to wear sheitels that cost half a year's tuition?
You do you. Some people as you can see love all the YT hoopla. Good for them. You don't, then don't. You don't have to make things super expensive --just make them different from what you do every day. I've had some wonderful YT meals at vegetarian friends (not that vegetarian is necessarily cheap or easy). You can make things special simply by serving a fruit or dessert you don't normally buy or bringing out a special tablecloth or challah cover you don't usually use...
And of course with modern refrigeration, you can cook most things in advance and freeze them so that you don't have to cook on YT.
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BH Yom Yom
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 5:14 pm
I feel you OP. I need a break from Tishrei and the endless meals. I do better with smaller, more frequent mini-meals, and the whole system of eating two lavish and large meals per day with bread is a lot on my system, even with eating small amounts. It’s also a lot of sitting and shlepping between the house and the succah….again and again. If I didn’t have to wash, the meals would probably be less annoying and easier on my stomach. And I don’t eat a ton of challah.
If YT were one day like in EY it would be less overwhelming. Another reason I don’t like YT sheini. 😠
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octopus
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 5:22 pm
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I love watching Victoria. About the British monarch. Guess what? She had many residences besides the palace and if she would notify them that she was coming, the household would be all in a flurry. And when she arrived! All the meals were formal. Of course some servants would moan and groan amongst themselves but when the queen was in the residence, then there are formal dresses and meals. And the whole month of tishrei we are hosting the King of all Kings. The King is in the house. Its not easy. But we have a chance to speak to Him , informally too, because he also happens to be our Father.
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giftedmom
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 5:50 pm
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There’s a way to cook simply and well and not slave. I personally have never felt like a slave bh. I utilize every shortcut there is. Everything is delicious. Don’t let the magazines put pressure on you.
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Ema of 5
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Fri, Sep 29 2023, 6:08 pm
| SuperWify wrote: | The best part of my yt experience is trying new recipes and setting nice tables, so please don’t take away my fun.
My guests love coming to me because they know they will try something new and delicious.
At least that’s what they tell me.
And I don’t make the most expensive meats. You can do a lot with chop meat, ribs, pot roast, whole chicken ect.
(I don’t like cleaning up. No.) |
I was going to say the same. I don’t feel like I’m slaving away. I enjoy looking for new, interesting recipes to make. There’s always at least a few new recipes.
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wigboutique
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Sat, Sep 30 2023, 2:40 pm
We don’t have guests yet since we’re in the middle of moving, so for now I make simple style meals. This YT (only one day since we are in Israel) I made chicken with spices and wine and for the morning Hungarian stuffed cabbage. For sides we had rice or baked mushroom potatoes. I made a layered salad in a glass bowl and homemade mayo, other dips we buy from the store. I don’t find that I spend an excessive amount of time and I feel connected to the atmosphere of YT coming and feel happy and ask Hashem to help make the food yummy. I daven during cooking. Since it was so simple I didn’t plan or bake ahead or anything like that. For desert we had homemade chocolate cake.
If you feel cooking takes away from the simchas yom tov so I recommend you to try to make simpler meals. Everything I made was presented well bh
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Reality
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Sat, Sep 30 2023, 2:45 pm
| octopus wrote: | | I love watching Victoria. About the British monarch. Guess what? She had many residences besides the palace and if she would notify them that she was coming, the household would be all in a flurry. And when she arrived! All the meals were formal. Of course some servants would moan and groan amongst themselves but when the queen was in the residence, then there are formal dresses and meals. And the whole month of tishrei we are hosting the King of all Kings. The King is in the house. Its not easy. But we have a chance to speak to Him , informally too, because he also happens to be our Father. |
So beautiful!
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SG18
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Sat, Sep 30 2023, 9:33 pm
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Just an FYI- we were always supposed to be in Israel and keep one day of chag. HaShem never intended for this. You're choosing to keep more chag by being in chu"l, which comes with additional prep and $.
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B'Syata D'Shmya
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Sat, Sep 30 2023, 11:13 pm
| nachlaot wrote: | The collective amount of time and money spent by all of us making all these shabbat and yom tov meals one after another just seems absolutely insane to me, when I think about it. I'm not even talking about rich people buying the finest ingredients to show off and one-up each other, or gourmet chefs spending hours perfecting a single dish. I'm talking normal people just making typical meals with typical effort.
Is this really what Hashem wants from us? When I think about all the women slaving away non-stop for an entire month making one huge meal after another and going from one holiday to the next (plus all the money spent on it), it just seems like such an unnecessary waste.
I think that half the time, people aren't even noticing what they're eating and don't even care what they're eating. They're busy shmoozing. Or they're full from all the previous meals.
And it the amount of time it takes people to shovel the food in their mouth versus the time to prepare that food is just crazy if you think about.
I feel like you could just order a few pizzas or cold cuts or something and throw them out on the counter and everyone will have just as good a time and can discuss torah and sing songs etc, and honor the holiday, and it's just not necessary for all of us to spend so much time and money on all of this.
Anyone else feel this way? |
Go for it, no questions asked. Prepare the pizzas or cold cuts and enjoy. Add a good bottle of wine and a simple salad I will join you. Not thrown on the counter of course, but properly served in a suka....
It IS more about the company and There is nothing wrong with that. It is not honoring the holiday if you feel badly about it.
I always tell my husband that the divrei Torah he prepares are worth more than my potato kugel that he loves.
The food is secondary to all the rest.
As to what Hashem wants? The mitzvah is Samachta BeChagecha, the HOW is up to you.
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nachlaot
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Mon, Oct 02 2023, 6:27 am
| octopus wrote: | | I love watching Victoria. About the British monarch. Guess what? She had many residences besides the palace and if she would notify them that she was coming, the household would be all in a flurry. And when she arrived! All the meals were formal. Of course some servants would moan and groan amongst themselves but when the queen was in the residence, then there are formal dresses and meals. And the whole month of tishrei we are hosting the King of all Kings. The King is in the house. Its not easy. But we have a chance to speak to Him , informally too, because he also happens to be our Father. |
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this taking "the king is in the field" totally the wrong way? I thought "the king is in the field" means this is the time when our king NOT elusive and too good for us to even interact with, and it's our time to connect with our king and talk to our king and have a relationship with our king... thru teshuva and tefillah, etc. Running around in a flurry having to scramble like a Buckingham Palace servant making sure some stupid napkin is aligned perfectly otherwise we'll be beheaded in the Tower of London seems to twist the "the king is in the field" theme entirely on its head and give the exact wrong message.
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watergirl
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Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:04 am
| zaq wrote: | Who says you have to make such lavish meals? My YT meals aren't materially different from my regular Shabbat meals. Oh, I'll make one beef dish, which I don't usually do, and maybe a baked dessert which ditto, but I don't make a week's worth of seven-course Cordon Bleu meals and I definitely don't try anything new. Strictly the tried and true.
But you know you could say "Is this what Hashem wants?" about everything that frum people do. Does He really want men to wear fedoras that cost a week's rent or women to wear sheitels that cost half a year's tuition?
You do you. Some people as you can see love all the YT hoopla. Good for them. You don't, then don't. You don't have to make things super expensive --just make them different from what you do every day. I've had some wonderful YT meals at vegetarian friends (not that vegetarian is necessarily cheap or easy). You can make things special simply by serving a fruit or dessert you don't normally buy or bringing out a special tablecloth or challah cover you don't usually use...
And of course with modern refrigeration, you can cook most things in advance and freeze them so that you don't have to cook on YT. |
I agree 100% and I feel really bad for Hashem (if that's a thing) if people are distorting His wants and directives and mitzvos with the narishkeit and other things we down here decide to do, all in His name.
Yes! Make a beautiful YT! Make delicious meat if you can afford it. Buy something new if you can afford it! Flowers, wine... whatever you feel will enhance YT, but all according to your means, both in terms of what you can afford financially, timewise, and mentally. And ask yourself, am I doing this Bshem Shamayim or for my own gaiiva and pleasure.
We had to do all of our YT shopping this week on Friday, erev YT because that was what our bank account and payday schedule dictated. I also worked on Friday a full day until 3:30. I cooked for all four meals and had guests. And trust me, it was beautiful. I did not "slave away" in the kitchen. I made a delicious soup, a few chicken dishes (well my husband grilled for one of them), and for funsies and because I knew it would come up, I timed myself when I made my brisket. We bought a small brisket for under $20 because it was on sale, and it took quite literally under two minutes to make - peel two carrots, quarter one onion, wash a handful of baby potatos. In a reynolds bag, I put olive oil, water, flour, onion soup mix, mix that all up, then add the meat and veg. Very literally two minutes from the time I peeled the first carrot until it all went into the oven. BH it was so insanely delicious.
If one decides they need to make showstoppers for the meals, by all means do so! But you then have to acknowledge that it was your choice to do it. Hashem did not ask you to make the entire Family Table Succos magazine, you decided to do that. Please do not distort this decision and say it's what you think Hashem wants. It's what YOU want.
It's fantastic and beautiful to make the Family Table! If it's within your means, talent, desire, etc. It's also fantastic and beautiful to make a much more basic and simple menu if that's your desire. I do not believe for a single second that Hashem appreciates one over the other. I think He is our loving Father and loves what we do, as long as we do it for Him.
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octopus
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Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:22 am
| nachlaot wrote: | | Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this taking "the king is in the field" totally the wrong way? I thought "the king is in the field" means this is the time when our king NOT elusive and too good for us to even interact with, and it's our time to connect with our king and talk to our king and have a relationship with our king... thru teshuva and tefillah, etc. Running around in a flurry having to scramble like a Buckingham Palace servant making sure some stupid napkin is aligned perfectly otherwise we'll be beheaded in the Tower of London seems to twist the "the king is in the field" theme entirely on its head and give the exact wrong message. |
Hi. I'm not chassidish, and when I said this to someone they said it's like the chassidim who say the King is in the field. No one is going to behead anyone over a misaligned napkin. And I think you are hearing the wrong message.I agree so much Tom tov can be stressful. But the bottom line is, it's yom tov. No one said you needed to have crazy fancy meals. I cook very plain . But there is a certain decorum when you have royalty. It helped me reframe yom tov (that is normally hard for me) into a better perspective. If it doesn't help you, then please discard.
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a2z
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Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:56 am
For me yt meal is a bit more fancy than shabos, not much more than that
Not chicken soup if we feel like it.
And roast instead of cholent.
Rest as usual.
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