Chizuk on getting teffillos in over rosh hashana and yk

amother

Sat, Sep 09 2023, 11:20 pm

I bH have a bunch of little children at home. No helping hands around as my oldest is 5 and my husband is out until around 3 on rosh hashana and all day on yom kippur and I don't have hired help. My kids are extremely demanding. Very little and always fighting and doing things they shouldn't and getting riled up. In the past I've somehow managed to get a lot of davening done on the yom tovim during naps etc but this is the first year I'm genuinely worried about how I will get any davening done. I know this is my avoda but I want to be able to daven something. Even today for example- my oldest was very difficult and screamed and threw things and hit for a long time I was lucky I was able to get a quick birchas hashachar in. HOw do I balance my feelings of this being my avoda which I am so grateful for and thrilled to take care of my children with really wanting to be able to connect and daven?

also for people who have a lot of little children what were you told you actually should be saying on rh?

csstb

Sat, Sep 09 2023, 11:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

In terms of the most important things to say, it’s pretty much the same on Rosh Hashanah as every other day. With the exception of the mussaf shmoneh esrei which is really long, the added bulk of Rosh Hashanah davening comes mainly from piyutim which are much less important than the “usual” stuff.

In terms of fitting things in, it sounds like your husband does not go to a neitz minyan, so you could get up early to daven some before he leaves. Maybe not fun, but could give you some uninterrupted davening time. If you do that, though, you probably shouldn’t do mussaf (if that’s something you would say) because we don’t do mussaf early on Rosh Hashanah unless a tzibbur is doing it early.

613mitzvahgirl

Sat, Sep 09 2023, 11:38 pm

I heard you can just speak to HaShem in your own words throughout the day. Talk to HaShem. Ask Him for things throughout the day. This way you’re bringing HaShem in to your life. This is what He wants from us mommies. Just not when your doing something messy or dirty. This is your Tafkid right now being home with your children. You iyh will see how far your Tefillohs will go.

amother

Emerald

Sat, Sep 09 2023, 11:59 pm

Agree, our avodah on Rosh Hashana is paying attention to our kids who need us.

If you want practical advice, some things that have worked for me are getting up early and davening before my husband goes to Shul (while I'd love to daven every single thing in the machzor, it's just not realistic.) Some of the extras I say while my kids are awake if there are a few minutes here or there. Also, a five year old is old enough to understand and let his mother daven for a few minutes. The younger ages not so much, but depending on whether they nap, you can get in some tefillos there too.

Mussaf can be said once your husband is home, if you don't have time earlier, just make sure you daven mincha before musaf if it's afternoon.

If you have any neighbor who you can get together with, you can take turns davening while the kids play together with one mother supervising.

Oldest

Sun, Sep 10 2023, 12:12 am

Just some practical tips:
See if you can double up with a neighbor or family member for rh and/or yk so the kids can play together and you have the support if another mom
Also, I do this for yk and it works wonders. I buy a super special toy for each of my kids for yk. Something bigger that I wouldn't normally get them and that I know will keep them occupied. The deal is that they need to behave until around lunchtime and then they can get their new toy. Once I give them the toy I often don't see them for the next few hours giving me time to rest and daven

dena613

Sun, Sep 10 2023, 12:17 am

CAn you switch off with a neighbor? I know it doesn’t work for many people for many reasons, but I’m throwing the idea out there.
Even just going to shul for 15 minutes of Chazaras HaShatz (of any shmoneh esrei) can get you in the frame of mind of the YT.

Or standing outside a shul for a few minutes where you can hear the Chazzan, with your kids eating a nosh.

Truthfully, I think I’ve been to at least a llittle bit of shul for almost every RH since I’ve been married. It makes it feel like RH to me.

Otherwise, try to daven brachos, Shema through shmoneh esrei.
(Have more time? So you can daven baruch she’amar, ashreichem, Yishtabach…)

I would try to sing songs from the tefillos of RH, whether its avinu malkeinu, kevakaras roeh edro, koh amar Hashem zacharti lach…

Take your Machzor and flip around for inspiration. Teach your five year old some songs, talk to your kids about RH and how much you love it.

You can do mussaf after your husband comes home

amother

Sun, Sep 10 2023, 7:41 am

csstb wrote:

Thanks for the advice I really appreciate it that's actually great advice. My only concern is that my kids are early risers by 630 it's nice and popping over here so I would have to really wake up early and I'm scared I won't have energy for the rest of the day to take care of everyone if I wake up so early. I'm also pregnant and the mornings I'm just so tired!

amother

Sun, Sep 10 2023, 7:46 am

dena613 wrote:

This is all great advice thank you! For many reasons switching off with a neighbor won't work. We're new to the community and my kids don't have real friends yet and they're not the easy going can just drop them off somewhere type AND they're a handful and a lot of them bH so I just don't think that's an option at this point. I did that when I had my first 2 butthey were little and it was much much easier to pull that off but now it's a different story. I would LOVE to stand in shul for 15 minutes but I just don't see that happening either. Good idea to just sing the songs. My 5 year old is old enough to understand some stuff but he's usually too busy fighting with the 3 year old! When does this stage end anyone?! I just wanna know if other mommies are in the same boat or do a lot of people really get the opportunity to have some peace and quiet and real davening time?!