Chizuk - daughter rejected because of her size

ROFL

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 4:25 pm

amother Clover wrote:

One time dated a guy who was nice and we even went on a second date. On our second date we were very comfortable and somehow he said very openly you know your picture is very deceiving. I originally didn't want to date you because you look very flat in your picture but I got a lot of pressure so I agreed. But im glad I did because you don't look like in the picture. Thank God your boobs are way bigger than they looked in the pic.

Did he get a third date ??????

amother

Oxfordblue

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 4:27 pm

amother Clover wrote:

wow, smooth talker NOT Can't Believe It

Chayalle

Mon, Aug 07 2023, 10:45 am

amother Junglegreen wrote:

Where are the guys who don't care about weight? It's so hard to find them.

My future son-in-law said his mother asked him what he's looking for in terms of looks, and he said "How should I know? I guess I'll see when I meet the right girl."

I think there are probably plenty of guys like him (not everyone but plenty). Some of them get fed ideas by their mothers and sisters.

amother

Kiwi

Mon, Aug 07 2023, 10:47 am

Chayalle wrote:

Waittt
Your daughter's engaged?
Mazel tov!!!

PinkFridge

Mon, Aug 07 2023, 10:52 am

amother Poinsettia wrote:

I remember seeing a wedding picture of a Kallah with her graduating class, taken in the 60s. There were hardly any overweight girls. Maybe one. Most were very thin.

I think our diets rich in Kugels Cakes and cookies, etc did us all in.

And the boys?

amother

Gardenia

Mon, Aug 07 2023, 10:55 am

Chayalle wrote:

Mazal tov !

Cheiny

Mon, Aug 07 2023, 12:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

I kind of knew it can happen but now that it happenned my heart is just shattered
great shiduch
great boy
and they dont want daughter because she is a size 14-16
oh well
I guess they dont deserve her
but it does sting

Uch. I would never feel bad for a minute. Those are internally ugly people and I wouldn’t want my children marrying into a family of such shallowness and twisted priorities.

Cheiny

Mon, Aug 07 2023, 12:47 pm

amother Pewter wrote:

My BIL is almost 40 and never been married. He rejects women from their pictures all the time. I wonder (but don't bother telling him) whether any of the rejected women would even be interested in him. He's 39, just finished undergrad, no particular skills or talents. Losing his own hair and looks. Why would someone want him? He's super specific in what he wants but doesn't give anyone he isn't instantly attracted to a chance. This is why he isn't married. He says personality isn't everything and he needs attraction too. Good luck! Meanwhile, my husband married me at 20 when I was a size 2. Now I'm 39 and a size 10/12. He still thinks I'm gorgeous, no matter how life has changed me.

No, that’s isn’t why he’s not married.

He’s not married because he subconsciously doesn’t want to get married/has fear of commitment, and all his ridiculous and shallow excuses are just a cover.

He needs therapy.

Cheiny

Mon, Aug 07 2023, 12:47 pm

amother Pewter wrote:

I believe he really does want a family of his own and a home. I think it's the wife part that is hard for him. He's terminally indecisive, generally. Choosing someone to be with is almost impossible for him so he focuses on the basics and misses the big picture. Men like him rarely end up happy.

He may think he wants it logically, but subconsciously he’s sabotaging himself so that he won’t have to.

Cheiny

Mon, Aug 07 2023, 12:48 pm

amother Holly wrote:

My ex husband is gay.

He's closeted and remarried. I don't even "officially" know.

He just got smicha, is on his shul board, gets lots of kovod....

It does explain a good part of why he was just a horrible husband (and to my understanding, still is)

Does his current wife know?

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 11:31 am

amother OP wrote:

....and it's four months later
and DD is still waiting
and I'm just anxious

I had a similar experience with myself. I got engaged to an extreme skinny family that enjoys my bubbly nature and laughter. My DH also gained lots of weight after our wedding ( cause I love and cook yummy food.) My family really appreciates us!!
May your daughter find her bashert very soon.

amother

Tulip

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 11:33 am

I'm short and people called and asked my mother if midgets run in the family (the rest of my family is tall) . My grandparents were shorrt and I got it from them. My dh isn't tall either and that's fine 🙂

B'Syata D'Shmya

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 11:34 am

amother OP wrote:

....and it's four months later
and DD is still waiting
and I'm just anxious

Hashem has a timeline for all of us. Hers is coming. Besides this is the daughter you were given, love her and hug her as she waits. She is beautiful as she is. The wait will be sooo worth it when the right guy pops the question.
I daven she should be zocheh to build her bayis neeman beYisroel really soon and you should have much nachas.

For now, keep trying, stay positive. As Rebetzen Yungreis z'l wrote, life is a test!! (I wish I had the answers...). Hashem will send her bashert!

Logically you know that all kinds of girls get married. And as we know, getting married is the easy part...What happens to the skinny girl who gains weight after marriage?
Does her MIL makes comments? Does she starts taking pills... not a pretty picture. ( I reference the latest Mishpacha serial it may be fiction but so real)
A marriage based on externals is not one I would want to be a part of.
And last I checked Eshes Chayil has not one word about size!!

amother

Cyclamen

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 11:36 am

There is a shidduch crisis out there…
Plenty of very thin girls still waiting.
I got married much older. One thing I noticed is that ALL types of people get married. Very overweight people, people with family issues, people who are hard of hearing, people who aren’t so smart, people who are very ugly …. I was older and watched how anyone can get married. It’s just a matter of when. There is nothing wrong with your daughter. The waiting is so very hard because we don’t know how long the wait is.
Just know that there is an invitation that only Hashem has a copy of now with the name of your daughter and her Chassan and even the date of their wedding. IyH you will see that invitation very soon.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 11:40 am

I was also rejected because of my size, I was a size 16. I got engaged a few months later bh. It's 10 years later and bh bh I didn't marry that guy! Imagine your daughter not being rejected but made feel less then all her life because of her size. My dh is the best in all ways and he would never comment on my weight etc. your daughter will iyh get married and be accepted for who she is!!!

Cheiny

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 11:44 am

amother OP wrote:

Then you shouldn’t want them! He’s not her zivug. Her zivug will love her exactly how she is.