Trust Fund - Mishpacha serial

amother

Mauve

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:24 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

I am part of a family that is probably from the 10 wealthiest billionaire "chareidi" families in America - a name many of you would recognize. (The wealth didn't start with my husband lol but we BH have it in abundance as well). This serial makes my skin crawl, as do many other frum fiction pieces that attempt to describe the lifestyle I'm supposedly living. My father in law is the head of an "empire", as is the Senior Mr Frankel, and my husband is his "second in command" in the business. My husband doesn't patronize me by throwing the credit card at me so I can pretty myself up while he lives in his Daddys shadow. We don't have a Vanessa and 4 perfect kids. We have a large family, kids with special and neurodivergent needs, we have worries and stresses unrelated to to being "perfect" - in short, JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD. And yes, we shop in tottini too, like the rest of the world Smile

I don't go shopping and redecorating and vacationing all day, with hospital dedications thrown in for variety. We do have our birthday bashes, sefer Torah dedications, gedolim visits, yomim tovim, etc, along with the expectation of everyone being well turned out, but its not our default mode. We are toichendik people (I like to think) who try to live normal, sensitive, in-touch, authentic lives. We don't measure our spiritual worth by how many millions we give to tzedaka.

And I am not alone in this. I know other people in my situation, in my social strata, and I can say the same about many of them. There's literally one uber-wealthy family I can think of that has the type of extreme pressure like the Frankels. (And nebach on them, if imay add). Of course, we do have unique challenges / gifts related to being very wealthy, but they are not necessarily of the sort depicted in this serial!! It sensationalizes a life that is not often true, and makes the people living it seem extremely shallow, controlled, and superficial.

I feel like I didn't really convey my point so well... anyone else shares my experience and can give more insight?

I appreciate this!! We’re not even close to uber-wealthy but we are bH quite comfortable (self made), more than most people around us, though most don’t know about it. I do enjoy these serials but they make me feel self conscious about what people assume about my life. Totally untrue assumptions. Most people we know have considerably less than us but live way larger!

amother

DarkPurple

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 11:28 am

amother Tuberose wrote:

Same except the parts that get me are when his fanciest watch is a cartier. The references are totally off base and just makes it seem like the author is out of touch with the subjects. Or years ago there was a serial about a wealthy family might have been the ami but the entire extended family was on a vacation and there was one nanny for all the extended cousins instead of each family having or bringing their own.

See, and I think this brings out my point even more strongly. When we go on family trips there are zero nannies. Baby nurses for the kimpeturins, yes. But we mother our own children. Not one of the married children - all with millions in their bank account - have live-in help. Not all wealthy people are high flyers! Most of the people I know who live extravagantly have a lot less money than we do but are trying to show they've "made it".

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Aug 09 2023, 10:42 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

How did you grow up? I am always curious about people who didn’t grow up with this wealth and then find themselves in it.

amother

DarkPurple

Thu, Aug 10 2023, 12:34 am

So to answer a few of your comments... if you'd read a diary serial of my life, it would probably be mostly about my teaching job, or my difficult pregnancies, or my insomnia, or my unusual crafting hobby, or my special needs daughter, or my struggling teenage son. As I said - it would be the diary of a regular life, full of struggles and blessings. Does having lots of money in the bank make getting through these things more easily? Yes, significantly - albeit up to a point.

I have a few hours of cleaning help every day, but I'm not looking for the lifestyle of having full-time help. Plus, shocker, I live in a regular development townhouse! A live-in would really get in my way. We don't stick out!! The ones who probably have the best sense of our financial situation are the ones who get our tzedaka checks, not the neighbors looking at how I dress or decorate my home. We very actively strive to live b'tznius. We spend unthinkingly on conveniences, practicalities, life-enhancements, family time, therapies, etc... but not on luxuries or "stam" materialism.

amother

Mocha

Thu, Aug 10 2023, 1:26 am

Eh. I read fiction for entertainment, not to be preached at, or to be taught anything, or to learn about how the other half lives, and not to psychoanalyze the characters. As long as it's a good story, well written, with nobody "flouting" their wealth, "flaunting" the rules, or acting "discretely" or texting messages in 1980 or telephoning in 1865, I'm a happy camper.

If I knew that a certain company sells its products only in its own stores, I would find that sort of mistake equally annoying. It's a sign of a writer who doesn't know what he's talking about and is too lazy to find out. IOW, a bad writer with a bad editor.

BTW, bad writing is not limited to frum writers. There are plenty of terrible writers of secular fiction as well, with editors who are clearly missing in action. When the heroine has an appointment with Dr. Rogers on page 184 and is shocked by Dr. Richards' report on page 237, or leaves home dressed in pink gingham but arrives at the restaurant in lemon-yellow seersucker, you know somebody, or several somebodies, didn't do their job.

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Aug 10 2023, 1:52 am

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

I agree it’s interesting to read about the psychology of people and what motivates them but I’m sure you realize what you’re reading is coming to you straight from the imagination of the author who may or may not have the insight and intelligence to know what really motivates people irl.
Real life, real people and real problems can be very different than what shows up in your weekly serial. Using it as entertainment for a long Shabbat afternoon is nice but I wouldn’t base any part of my understanding of human nature on that. Armchair travelers can have a good time visiting far away places. Armchair psychologists are a whole different breed.

As an author (not of this serial, but of several others) I feel like I have to chime in here.

A good writer is NOT basing her characters and their choices on her imagination and experience alone.

She will talk to as many people as she can who are living the life she is trying to portray to get an idea of how they think and feel.

She will research any central topic in her novel to death until she can talk about it for hours, though only a tiny percentage of this research will actually make it to print.

She will people-watch and listen to conversations (not eavesdropping on private conversations of course, more like loud park bench conversations or grocery line exchanges) just to get a feel for how people outside her family and social circle talk, the phrases they use and the things they care about.

And that’s only the beginning.

Writing a novel the right way means immersing yourself in your characters’ world. Not creating a cast of one-dimensional characters who are nothing more than your personal mouthpiece.

amother

Steel

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 2:31 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

You sound like a very grounded, special person. But as someone who flits around the outer sphere of your social strata (not billionaires but definitely millionaires) I think that you might be slightly oversimplifying your circumstances.
I could be TOTALLY off base, but I'm assuming there are some very nice vacations in the package- Sukkos, Pesach, Alps, Europe. Your mother in law definitely owns some incredible pieces- bags, jewelry etc. You probably own your development home outright with no mortgage. Your in laws definitely have more than one home, I'm guessing one in their hometown, one in EY at least.

You might not have a live in, but that doesn't mean that you've never tasted luxury- luxury that the average reader of the mishpacha has never tasted. Overseas birthday get togethers? Huge extended family vacations? I can't imagine that isn't your reality. And that doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you an even greater person because you've stayed grounded and you aren't caught up in it.

I'll be honest, I buy mishpacha but haven't read this serial, but to me it just sounds like an amped up version of reality. Sure you shop in tottini- they have great stuff ( so do I) but for your teen daughters you probably shop without checking price tags every season. You have a kid with ADHD? So do we all. Honestly, at least for me, I feel no need to brag about vacations because the society I live in is so low key it would be completely socially off. I have no social media. I drive two very very old cars. But I really do feel like we live in the lap of luxury because we don't need to worry about parnassah.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 7:53 am

I like to think the theme of the serial is independence from controlling parents... I think the wealth is secondary and just a pretty background to the fact that the patriarch and matriarch are controlling. The serial is clearly NOT an example of how the rich and famous live. Moving the heavy vase was also a give- away. The help would do that task so as not to risk getting a slipped disc....

The author could have used Torah instead of money with the father being a huge gadol hador or something. Or Health with the parents being sick and using that to control their children.

IRL, Successful businesses wouldnt practice that level of nepotism (firing a good worker to give a child with zero experience the position. Most boast that their children worked their way up the ladder...then find positions for both the good worker and the son in order to prevent the good worker from going into competition...). The callous offer of a meat board demonstrated lack of connection.

The serial is written so that you hate the mega wealthy, which is sad as many of them that I know are truly nice people. The snobs are the wannabe megawealthy.

ShaniF

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 9:45 am

B'Siyata DiShamaya wrote:

This is what I was thinking. The same story can happen in so many different family settings. The rich family is the easiest to write about and pull apart.
It would never fly to write this about a Rosh Yeshiva's family but it happens there too.

amother

Ghostwhite

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 10:37 am

amother Powderblue wrote:

What you wrote about authors doing research sounds so beautiful and based on many books I’ve read it’s often true. It’s not always true though. Also, many authors will research to death a particular location and/or time period but it gets trickier when they’re describing people’s emotions and what motivates them. This particular serial is describing a subset of frum society, the uber wealthy, in a way that doesn’t ring true but sounds more like an over exaggerated caricature. Read some of the comments here to see I’m not the only one reading it this way.