Not bringing my food to certain people

amother

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 8:43 pm

I usually offer to make something towards the meal when we go eat out at others. This is the done thing around here. Im always torn about bringing something over to someone's home who is a bad cook. On the one hand, this way I know we'll have something to eat for sure on the other hand, I'm afraid it will make the hostess uncomfortable.
My husband thinks I'm crazy.
I had an experience once where I brought food to a house of someone like this and the husband was verbally appreciative and asked his wife oh maybe get the recipe from Chani (me). There were some sholom bayis issues from that. She was so embarrassed and felt he was bringing to the tables attention my food vs hers.
Since then I have been more sensitive around this. I enjoy these people's company so I'm happy to go to them but I think it's a better idea to buy wine or buy cookies.
Am I crazy?

amother

Lavender

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 8:47 pm

When you’re invited, ask what they’d rather and take it from there.
I’m always happy to bring food since I have picky eaters so I’m so happy they’ll eat something and won’t starve.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 8:50 pm

I do understand you, and you're not crazy. I think its right to be sensitive to the host.
what about making something but not a showstopper. like making choc-chip cookies or a yummy salad.

amother

Zinnia

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 8:50 pm

I had similar experience only once. I'm a good cook and often I do bring to someone's house with that thought - at least we have one decent thing to eat. But what I have found is that people are used to what they are fed and seem to even like it. Some of the worst meals of my life in people's homes, the husband and kids took 2nds and 3rds and sung the wife/mother's praises. So I don't worry about it. It's very rare and we can't control everything. If it's the normal thing to do, so you just do it.

ra_mom

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 8:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

For this specific couple, I agree buy wine or cookies.
Anybody else, don't worry, just cook and enjoy.

amother

Aconite

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 9:20 pm

That is so awkward! But most people aren’t like that. You know these people’s personalities, if they’re chilled and not likely to find offense I’d say go for it.

Amarante

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 9:53 pm

I think the situation OP had with the over-sensitive woman is unique.

Most people are delighted to have someone bring food especially if you coordinate with them so it isn't redundant. However, I do think that unless you are close friends or it is more of a potluck situation it seems to be more standard to bring dessert - partly because mains and even side dishes are more logistically complicated because they often have to be heated.

Honestly I think the ironic thing is that most bad cooks don't realize their food is bad and so someone asking for a recipe wouldn't cause them to think it was a criticism of their cooking. I have had so many bad restaurants recommended that I am convinced it is because the people must be terrible cooks and think that the restaurant food is delicious - there is no other explanation LOL