Please don't bring babies or young children to megillah

amother

Lightcyan

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 6:46 am

amother Wallflower wrote:

I used to think children don’t belong at megilla, and would leave them home until I saw this shiur by rabbi Kalish from a few days ago. He basically says the halacha is for everyone to hear megilla “taf vnashim” “children and women”. And our chachamim knew that children make noise. Megilla is supposed to be a beautiful communal activity that everyone joins.
Please watch his amazing message.

Very nice and feel good, but that message sure wouldn't have cheered me up the year I had to go to a second late night reading bec someone brought their kids who ran around and made noise and caused me to miss hearing several words/sections. I was crying myself because I was exhausted from having gotten up early that day to eat before the fast, working a full day, and knowing I'd have to get up just as early the next morning so I could hear megillah at the earliest minyan so I could get to work on time as I had no option to take off. That was a hard, hard Purim for me.

watergirl

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 7:44 am

I was at a family program last night - maariv, leining, then dinner and dancing - all planned for kids and teens, not all frum (it’s a kiruv program). Many young children and also babies. I’ve been to this program in the past as well. The leining was 100% kosher. A skilled baal koreh who is patient with the crowd knows when he needs to repeat a pasuk or stop for a second. It took about 40 minutes, and it was fantastic. Maybe in the zchus of the program, Hashem helped us out. I bet He did - Hashem is Awesome like that Smile

I think kids can go to leining if it’s the right kind, planned with that in mind. I’ve also been to kid’s leinings where the expectation was, not that they should be quiet, so they were not. I had very young kids at my table, and they totally stepped up.

amother

Cappuccino

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 7:49 am

amother Snowflake wrote:

Last year I was 7 months pregnant with a lot of complications and had to work a full day both taanis esther and purim day itself while still fitting in all the mitzvos. To say I was exhausted at the time for megillah on purim night was beyond an understatement. I had my two year old and my husband helped me walk to a shul across the street. to hear megillah so I could then go back home and go to sleep before having to wake up at neitz to hear earliest megillah before work. I could barely walk and keep eyes open. Well at first haman my daughter started screaming and I had to take her out. I cannot tell you how embarrassing and devastated I was that I had to go to a later reading several blocks away 2 hrs later. I literally sobbed in the hallway and we waited for my husband to take us home bc I was too weak to get my daughter up the stairs to get back into our home. Please be DLKZ that someone may need to at least try to hear megillah early even if they are not fasting. Finding another place and walking there alone in the dark while in a lot of pain exhausted and very heavily pregnant was a nightmare. I got to one but could barely walk home and was out for most of the night crying on the phone to my husband that I just couldnt walk but he was home with the sleeping baby and couldnt come get me. I took the baby out as soon as she started up at great personal cost but dont get mad at me for bringing from the beginning. sometimes the alternative is really a major hardship for people.

I’m not clear why your husband couldn’t stay home with the 2 year old...
let him stay home and put baby to bed and go to a later Megillah while you sleep

LovesHashem

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 7:51 am

imasinger wrote:

I agree that children who can't sit quietly should not be in the room; and IMO, there's also no shame in trying to bring them, as long as you can be proactive about taking them out if needed, then coming to another reading for yourself.

I do want to challenge one statement on this thread. According to every opinion I've ever seen or heard, if you miss a word, or even a few words, you can catch back up by reading those words to yourself in your megillah, and still are yotzei. AYLOR.

You can make up the words, but you need to read fast enough to catch up to the baal Koreh, and if you keep missing multiple words and sentances it's difficult. I'm a pretty slow reader and I wouldn't be able to do it.

That's also assuming you are following along perfectly. I have ADHD and really struggle with following along.

I go to private small readings where no kids are allowed because I can't risk rehearing. Megillah is very hard for me.

imaima

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:07 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

What is chinuch about?
I bring my kids fully equipped and if one makes a peep, I am out the door if they dont quiet down.
Not everyone is able to get a babysitter or someone to watch.
In morning may be easier, but at night when men are fasting and in shul, its not.
I cant believe people would preach to others what to do. Everyone should be responsible for their own halachos, child care, and being yotzi. If you cant handle kids, go far away from them.

P.s. Ive been places where there were no kids, and I still didnt get to hear every word.

What chinuch?
Why do they need to start early to hear the megilla? They shouldn’t until they are mature enough to handle it.
They will still love purim

amother

Natural

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:10 am

amother Mauve wrote:

I bring my kids to megilla and they're quiet bh. There were many kids in shul at megilla tonight and it was quiet. I was actually amazed.
Some people just get angry at the sight of a child, usually older women. They forget very fast what it means to have young children.

Umm.. hello? Older woman here- bubby many times over BH- and no, we do not at all forget what it is like to have young children! But every mom needs to know her kids- if they are old enough to sit thru Megilla - great. There are, however, later readings of Megilla for those moms who know her young kiddos cannot sit thru Megilla.
Why make such a comment about "older women" collectively?

amother

Diamond

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:14 am

I went at 8:30 and my second grader was in bed. My husband and older girls went to first one after maariv. People need to switch off. There were kids making noise and it’s frustrating because I don’t bring kids till like 8 when they can read megilla and then there’s noise from other people’s kids. Today I’m going to ladies one at 10:00 am and hope there won’t be kids making noise. There is no reason to bring them and disturb everyone else. There are so many megilla readings today

amother

Jasmine

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:19 am

This thread is making me cry. My husband does the emergency room shift on Purim- so he went in already before mincha yesterday and is there for the whole purim almost because he knows how many patients come in and he’s the only Frum guy that can help out there. I searched everywhere, texted anyone I know and no one was available to watch my baby last night or this morning. So yes I’m bringing my baby to shul. I guess I should be prepared for ladies to yell at me.

Ema of 5

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:19 am

imaima wrote:

What chinuch?
Why do they need to start early to hear the megilla? They shouldn’t until they are mature enough to handle it.
They will still love purim

THAT is the chinuch- just because you want to do something, doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for you. Not every setting is meant for everyone. We, as parents, need to do our part to make sure we don’t disturb those around us. We need to make sure WE are not the reason someone doesn’t hear the Megillah. THAT is the chinuch.

Ema of 5

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:21 am

amother Jasmine wrote:

No one will yell at you just for showing up with a baby, but you may get looks if your baby disturbs. You will DEFINITELY get looks if you don’t do anything about the disturbance.

amother

Jasmine

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:25 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

No one will yell at you just for showing up with a baby, but you may get looks if your baby disturbs. You will DEFINITELY get looks if you don’t do anything about the disturbance.

I wish I can wear a sign that says what my husband is doing for potentially your husbands or sons. Maybe then I won’t get looks Smile

Of course I come prepared with snacks, toys etc for my baby. Bh last night he stayed quiet while I kept feeding him puffs. But maybe a bit more understanding and compassion on other peoples parts would go a long way to an overwhelmed mother who tried her best to find a babysitter.

amother

Cappuccino

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:33 am

amother Jasmine wrote:

I wish I can wear a sign that says what my husband is doing for potentially your husbands or sons. Maybe then I won’t get looks Smile

It may be too late for this year, but find another mom who’s husband has to work/ a single mom and trade babysitting services.

amother

Lily

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:36 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

I would like to add that if your child has any specific challenges that would make it hard for them to sit at megila, he/she should not attend a public reading, even if they are well beyond 6. There are many people who read in their homes and/or privately for this reason. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE be respectful and understanding so as not to create unnecessary pain and tension for yourself and others.

I have an older very disabled son. His issues are not so much behavioral, but he can't control vocalizing and making noise, especially when he's excited. At the same time, he has full cognition, and needs and wants to do all mitzvos he physically can.

So.. during the year my husband brings him to shul and sits near the door, so my son can be at davening, hear leining, etc. but DH can wheel him out immediately if he makes noise. Boruch Hashem the other men in shul are understanding and solicitous of my son's needs, but we certainly don't want to take advantage of this!

On Purim, my son needs to hear the megilla, but not at the risk of disturbing others and costing them their mitzvah or time. My husband bought a megilla and leins at home, and my son is able to follow along. I know we're fortunate to be able to do this and not everyone can, so we've had other kids with various special needs join us if they want and are ready to listen to megilla. In this setting the kids are calmer and my husband is attuned to the situation so he can repeat words as necessary.
However, we're not prepared to open this leining to the public since my husband is not comfortable being in charge of making sure a large crowd will be yotzei in this situation - this is for kids who want/need to hear megilla.
[In previous years, when this son or my other kids were too young or otherwise unable to listen to the whole megilla but still knew enough to be excited about Purim, my husband would lein a few pesukim (including Haman's name, of course) for them.]

This works beautifully for us now, and I know enough to be grateful that we can do this.

As a fellow special needs mom in the trenches, I know how hard it is. My son's needs and feelings are paramount, but we need to figure out how to meet them without causing any 'damages' to others.

amother

Camellia

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:46 am

amother Lily wrote:

Beautiful! Hashem should give you brocha and koach! You also said this perfectly!

amother

Camellia

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:49 am

chestnut wrote:

These threads always make me wonder. What do we think Hashem wants from us - shushing and giving dirty looks to mothers of little kids who came to shul because they're divorced/single/any other valid reason (or worse yet, telling them not to come), so we hear every word of the megillah OR giving them a smile or help out and missing some words?

I’m not yotzei if I miss some words! My husband goes on hatzolah calls and I’m lots single on Purim and I fully manage and I don’t drive not everyone’s status is an excuse.