Please don't bring babies or young children to megillah

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 3:41 am

What is chinuch about?
I bring my kids fully equipped and if one makes a peep, I am out the door if they dont quiet down.
Not everyone is able to get a babysitter or someone to watch.
In morning may be easier, but at night when men are fasting and in shul, its not.
I cant believe people would preach to others what to do. Everyone should be responsible for their own halachos, child care, and being yotzi. If you cant handle kids, go far away from them.

P.s. Ive been places where there were no kids, and I still didnt get to hear every word.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 3:47 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

Heres a newsflash, in many/most communities, females are also fasting and in shul.

Ema of 5

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 3:47 am

I do have little kids, and I do understand the desire to bring them go Megillah reading. If they can really sit through without disturbing, that’s wonderful and by all means. If they need nosh to help, that’s find to. But please- no chips or anything crunchy, and nothing in crinkly bags. Those sounds are a huge distraction for many of us. There needs to be another way for you to hear Megillah besides causing others to not be yotzei.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 3:50 am

Op, I 100% agree with you. Every year there are threads like this and prople are shocked that anyone could post this.
When I was growing up, it wasnt s thing for kids thst couldnt sit and be quiet to come to hear the megilla. Its a recent thing.
Last year a woman brought a baby that kept making noise the ehole way through. Never thought to leave, never thought to pick up her noisy kid. To me thats plain rude as then nobody can hear the megilla.
If kids can sit quietly, great, but if not, no, they should not be there. One spouse goes to a later reading. And if there isnt one, organize one.

Ema of 5

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 3:53 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

Aside from the first Purim we were married, I don’t think my husband and I have ever gone to the same reading. I always go to a different one so that I don’t have to rake little kids who may disturb others.
You’re right, we are all responsible for our own halachos, but part of that is making sure that WE are not the reason someone else isn’t yotzei.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 3:54 am

amother Mauve wrote:

I bring my kids to megilla and they're quiet bh. There were many kids in shul at megilla tonight and it was quiet. I was actually amazed.
Some people just get angry at the sight of a child, usually older women. They forget very fast what it means to have young children.

Nit it at all. We just want to hear every single word. Nothing to do with the sight of little kids. And no, it is not just older women. Im 43 and feel this way and always have.

amother

Blushpink

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 3:59 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Nit it at all. We just want to hear every single word. Nothing to do with the sight of little kids. And no, it is not just older women. Im 43 and feel this way and always have.

Same. I'm 35 with a brood of littles. If they can't sit still don't bring them.
To the person who said what about chinuch? It's excellent chinuch to teach them that only kids who are mature enough can go. There are many kids friendly kosher readings but the people there are not expecting to fulfill the mitzvah. That's a win win.

My girls were both mature enough starting age 7. That's when they started coming. But I felt it out every year. My son probably won't come until very close to bat mitzvah.

amother

Blushpink

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 4:00 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

Same. I'm 35 with a brood of littles. If they can't sit quiet don't bring them.
To the person who said what about chinuch? It's excellent chinuch to teach them that only kids who are mature enough can go. There are many kids friendly kosher readings but the people there are not expecting to fulfill the mitzvah. That's a win win.

My girls were both mature enough starting age 7. That's when they started coming. But I felt it out every year. My son probably won't come until very close to bat mitzvah.

grace413

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 4:17 am

amother Mauve wrote:

I have not forgotten what it means to have young children. I have not forgotten how difficult it was for me to find a later reading so my kids would not disturb but BH I managed.

I have not forgotten how one year my shul was designated as a "quiet reading" but that didn't stop a young mother from staying in with her crying child - and even worse, didnt even take the child out when it was obvious she had performed a certain bodily function.

People don't get angry at the sight of a child. They get angry at people who keep them from fulfilling the mitzvah of hearing the megilla.

Happy Purim.

LovesHashem

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 4:41 am

amother Strawberry wrote:

For this to work, the community has to step up. A fourth grade boy with adhd who has difficulty sitting still or quietly in shul has to learn how to do it somehow, and needs a socially acceptable way to go to shul. Each decent- sized community needs to provide a minyan/reading for people with some differences to go, where it runs like a regular minyan but everyone who gies knows they may need to go re-hear later. It can be used for training, for people who will never be able to fully sit quietly throughout, etc. We have one in my community- I have a kid who volunteers at it. They have a very quick reading afterwards for all who brought people and then need to re-hear.

They have outdoor chabad readings every hour where I live filled with kids. I never go to these things because I always miss words. So much outside noise, music from cars, kids etc. Can't understand how any is yotzei from it but if your kid is under bar mitzvah I'm sure it's fine if he doesn't hear every word.

amother

Cappuccino

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 5:56 am

My 4 year old is begging to go to Megillah. I found a children’s reading outdoors and plan on showing up with her halfway through so she can get 10-15 min of the Megillah experience. If she’s amazing I might bring her next year to the whole children’s reading but I doubt it.

Also, am I the only one who had my kids in bed while my husband when to zman Megillah??? They need sleep to get through the day today.

amother

Oldlace

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 6:08 am

amother Cappuccino wrote:

My 4 year old was begging too... DH said absolutely not and we switched off last night. I wish we had outdoor readings! There's a "family " one but I'm pretty sure people going might still count it as hearing it.

We don't do night events for our kids that go to bed at 7/7:30. It's not worth it the next day.

amother

Mimosa

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 6:17 am

amother Phlox wrote:

I hear how that sounds so annoying, but retro actively and from an outsiders perspective we can be Dan lkaf zechus…there are so many reasons why a grandmother brought her grandchildren without their mother (maybe the mother just had a baby? Or is sick?)

We can always be dan leaf zchus on others.

But if the grandmother was helping out she should have watched kids at home and gone to later reading herself.

NotInNJMommy

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 6:25 am

Dh and I always took turns when the kids were little, especially at that middle age where they aren't totally reliably quiet but sometimes are or could be depending on the individual child and their personality. When I was a single mom, it was more challenging, but I usually found ways to work around it by going separately. In more recent years, I started going to the super early AM minyan for megillah so I'd be yotzei, and then take the kids later in the AM to the family/kids megillah reading so they could hear with their friends, and if they got loud, I'd take them out without stressing myself out.

When I go to family readings now, like I did last night because it was earlier, I sat as close as possible to the baal koreh. And the baal koreh was loud enough and waited for the rumblings to silence after the hamans that what little incidental noise from some kids or babies was fine. My kids have the tzitzfleish now and since the youngest learned kriah, she can follow along and tries to, so that keeps her quietly busy.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 6:30 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

How many times is it reasonable to have to go to Kriat megillah in order to be yoitze?
One year I had to hear *four times* instead of the compulsory two.

imasinger

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 6:31 am

I agree that children who can't sit quietly should not be in the room; and IMO, there's also no shame in trying to bring them, as long as you can be proactive about taking them out if needed, then coming to another reading for yourself.

I do want to challenge one statement on this thread. According to every opinion I've ever seen or heard, if you miss a word, or even a few words, you can catch back up by reading those words to yourself in your megillah, and still are yotzei. AYLOR.

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 6:35 am

Last year I was 7 months pregnant with a lot of complications and had to work a full day both taanis esther and purim day itself while still fitting in all the mitzvos. To say I was exhausted at the time for megillah on purim night was beyond an understatement. I had my two year old and my husband helped me walk to a shul across the street. to hear megillah so I could then go back home and go to sleep before having to wake up at neitz to hear earliest megillah before work. I could barely walk and keep eyes open. Well at first haman my daughter started screaming and I had to take her out. I cannot tell you how embarrassing and devastated I was that I had to go to a later reading several blocks away 2 hrs later. I literally sobbed in the hallway and we waited for my husband to take us home bc I was too weak to get my daughter up the stairs to get back into our home. Please be DLKZ that someone may need to at least try to hear megillah early even if they are not fasting. Finding another place and walking there alone in the dark while in a lot of pain exhausted and very heavily pregnant was a nightmare. I got to one but could barely walk home and was out for most of the night crying on the phone to my husband that I just couldnt walk but he was home with the sleeping baby and couldnt come get me. I took the baby out as soon as she started up at great personal cost but dont get mad at me for bringing from the beginning. sometimes the alternative is really a major hardship for people.

notshanarishona

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 6:40 am

amother Snowflake wrote:

If it’s too hard for you to go to a later megillah, your husband should watch the kids and go to a later one. My husband has done that before.
Either way, your mitzvah doesn’t give you an excuse to ruin it for others.

amother

Wallflower

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 6:42 am

I used to think children don’t belong at megilla, and would leave them home until I saw this shiur by rabbi Kalish from a few days ago. He basically says the halacha is for everyone to hear megilla “taf vnashim” “children and women”. And our chachamim knew that children make noise. Megilla is supposed to be a beautiful communal activity that everyone joins.
Please watch his amazing message.