Commenting on Baby

amother

Sunflower

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 1:04 pm

amother Cornsilk wrote:

Because in some communities people are just less friendly and more self absorbed.
Smiling at someone or paying someone a compliment is doesn’t cost you anything and can mean the world to them, but in some communities, I find people to think they themselves are more refined and better if they don’t extend niceties to others. As people stated above, I have my own kids, I couldn’t care less about yours.

This has been my experience with everything from a Pesach hotel, waiting at an MD appointment, to the airport waiting lounge, to shopping at Woodberry Commons, to walking down Collins avenue in Miami.
Honestly, I am very turned off. I prefer the company of stranger non-Jews or non-frum Jews to a bunch of frum yidden.

🍅🍅🍅🍅

Woah woah woah
I am so sorry that you’ve had that experience
I’ve never had that and I’ve lived both very in town and out of town
Maybe it’s a case of כמים הפנים אל פנים

amother

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 1:05 pm

amother Cornsilk wrote:

Yes!!! I agree with you. I worked with non Jews and frum yidden and I prefer non Jews. I don’t know why we feel the need to be so unfriendly.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 1:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes!!! I agree with you. I worked with non Jews and frum yidden and I prefer non Jews. I don’t know why we feel the need to be so unfriendly.

We're not being unfriendly. We're just minding our own business.
What do you mean that your jewish coworkers are unfriendly?

flowerpower

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 1:34 pm

Here the jews are way friendlier than the none jews. They’ll smile and talk to anyone. If a baby is cute or waving to me Ill wave back and tell the mom he’s cute….. I hate going to a dept store and waste time because some middle aged none jew is playing with my baby for 5 minutes. Then she calls over her friend to come see him as well. And I’m standing there and fake smiling to them the whole time.

amother

Natural

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 1:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes!!! I agree with you. I worked with non Jews and frum yidden and I prefer non Jews. I don’t know why we feel the need to be so unfriendly.

I'll tell you why.

It's because I've been burned so many times.

Because of all the times I gave someone a friendly greeting and got a cold stare. And we're not only talking about random strangers. We're also talking about people I sort of know but not that well. Like a parent in my kid's class, or a co-worker's wife, or a neighbor who lives around the corner. Why are you looking at me like I'm from mars just because I smiled and said hello? Would it be so terrible to just acknowledge my greeting?

I try so hard to be melamed zchus and not let things like this affect me. But experiences like this really make me think twice before I greet anyone.

amother

Hibiscus

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 2:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

BH I have a very smiley and beautiful baby. When I am out with him, we usually get numerous comments from people on the street or in stores who stop to comment on his eyes or his smile or want to talk to him. I noticed it always non jews, mamish never a Yid. Why don’t frum yidden ever stop and comment (or even smile at him)? I don’t need anyone too. Just something I always wondered.

My husband commented to me today that when he's out with our daughter (10 months, cute, highly charismatic) people always smile at and interact with her. I've noticed this, as well.
Maybe it's community dependent? I live in an Israeli community in Israel.

amother

Cornsilk

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 2:12 pm

And here it is.

amother Bisque wrote:

Sorry you feel this way, but I would absolutely NOT appreciate random strangers commenting on my baby or giving me a compliment. That's just creepy, in my opinion.
I don't know why you feel the need to get compliments and comments from strangers. Most people just mind their own business, it doesn't mean they're cold and not friendly.
Maybe try to discover why you feel the need to receive compliments and comments from strangers.

The concept of Saber b’pamin Yafot is completely lost on some communities.
Look how it was turned around in me that I must be insecure and have unfulfilled needs if I am so reliant on greetings and compliments from strangers.

Look at the stark difference in opinion we have here. I wonder what we would find if we could adjust for location, sect, and age.

I work in a hospital and I try to pay at least 3 strangers (staff/visitors/patients…. It varies) a day a compliment. Great shoes, beautiful sweater, cool glasses, beautiful smile, adorable baby, lovely flowers….. I have never gotten anything but the warmest genuine thank you, except from some frum people who think I have 2 heads.

Personally, I think it is really sad.

I thing it is such a bracha that I have the ability to bring a smile to someone’s face when they are in a place often filled with concerns, worry, and fear. Even for employees who often feel stressed and under-appreciated.

If someone took a quick peek in my stroller (which I haven’t had in years, and said wow, she is beautiful, you should have a lot of nachas, I would answer Amen and it would make my day. Why shouldn’t I do the same for others. It takes a second and lightens their weight.

amother

Cornsilk

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 2:16 pm

amother Natural wrote:

That is so sad. It is not an individual thing, it is some of our communities. I think somewhere people were somehow taught that refined is standoffish. Chas V’Shalom. We should be rushing to be the one who is friendly. It is not a sign of weakness but of strength.

agreer

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 3:20 pm

If I saw an exceptionally cute baby I would comment. I do for non Jews and I do for Jews too.... but the baby has to be REALLY cute.

I noticed something similar when I was pregnant - non-Jews were SO nice, respectful and courteous to me. Jews? Not so much, because everyone is pregnant every other year. It's not a novelty. Sad but reality.

amother

Cornsilk

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 3:24 pm

agreer wrote:

Don’t you think the people with the regular looking baby would appreciate the compliment-maybe even more?

amother

Celeste

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 3:44 pm

I was rather turned off by the excessive attention my kids got. Even though I don't really believe in ayin hara, why tempt fate, kwim? Sure, it's gratifying to hear people say how cute your kids are, but there are limits. No need to go on and on and on about it (they were cute, but not movie-star-perfect), and I also was extra uncomfortable when it was complete strangers. There is, after all, a black market in healthy white infants.

I may smile at a cute baby if we're sitting side-by-side in the subway but I don't engage the mother in conversation. I think smiling and waving at the baby to elicit a smile is quite enough interaction from a stranger, and I don't assume that the mother wants me to strike up a conversation.

Anyway, ALL babies are adorable the way all baby animals are adorable. (Baby cobras and rattlesnakes are the exception.) Even baby vultures are cute. Ish.

amother

Trillium

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 4:15 pm

I would say something if we were together for a while, like sitting near each other in a waiting room, etc.
Not if I'm just passing you by in the street.

Don't think non Jews care about your baby either. It's part of being polite in American culture, the same way they'd hold open the door for you or pretend they are all excited about your pregnancy.

amother

Trillium

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 4:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s not so much the commenting on the baby. I do t care about the comments. More the general friendly piece

I really don't appreciate the friendly aspect of it, because it is so superficial and fake. Trust me, they couldn't care less about your baby.
The Germans I'm sure would have also smiled at your baby. Don't confuse their politeness with genuine interest.