Advice needed for working mother of 15 month old

Beginner Joined: Nov 04 2005 Posts: 10

does anyone have any advice or support for a mother of a 15 month old...working a chaotic fulltime job...and really feeling the stress? Confused

Posted: Wed, Nov 09 2005, 5:10 pm Post subject: re: working

IM suggesting, either starting a good book and reading it before bed, or a night out just for you once a week, a nice quiet bath, for me cooking/baking relaxes and de-streeses me.. hope that helps
_________________
Dovid Shlomo- 8/31/03
Yosef Binyamin-5/21/05
Tiferes Esther- 7/17/07
Yonason Matisyahu- 6/3/09
Adara Raizel- 3/3/11
k'h

Beginner Joined: Nov 04 2005 Posts: 10

I hear...I know that time for myself is rewarding. but it sometimes causes even more stress because now that I spent a few hours having fun I'm even further behind in housework, chores, errands...and even MORE tired! for example--having guests on shabbos is so wonderful and special but staying up thursday night to shop, cook and clean is pretty tiring. running home from work and getting home 15 minutes before shabbos (no joke!) is also pretty tiring. keeping my eyes open during the meal is pretty tiring. and then waking up shabbos morning normal early time with the baby is pretty tiring. am I complaining too much? I wish I was more relaxed and laid back...

Moderator Joined: Oct 18 2004 Posts: 2659

is there any way you could cut-back on your hours?
what stresses you out the most? that you don't have time to do household work, run errands, take care of your baby? try to find a solution to one problem at a time. like maybe hire outside help to clean, some will even help w/ cooking preparations (like cutting veggies, cleaning chicken, grating the potatoes in the food processor, and of course cleaning up all the kitchen mess!)

Posted: Wed, Nov 09 2005, 5:21 pm Post subject: re: working

sometimes I feel the same as you.. I mean I dotn know how many kids you have or if you have any at all, but it took me a while to learn how to let things fly by.. so the livingroom is a mess, big big deal, so what I have one less dessert, so what im tired, ill just go to sleep early... its all aobut how you think.... also this week im making shabbos stuff on thrsday night, its too nuts on friday.. im just trying little things to make my life easier.. laundry once a week, and do it all on sunday...

hope it helps

Moderator Joined: Oct 18 2004 Posts: 2659

Yael, could we please make a working-mothers forum, for us all to vent!!

Beginner Joined: Nov 04 2005 Posts: 10

I think what stresses me out the most is that by working full time (and no, I can't reduce my hours...at least not now) everything is HARD. I find that when you're so tired and have so little time to work with after work you automatically switch to frustrated mode. I wish I could spend more time with the baby. I wish I could stay up late thursday night preparing for shabbos. but how do you do that when your alarm clock rings at 4 am friday morning in order for you to do early shift in order for you to make it home a whole 15 minutes before shabbos?

Beginner Joined: Nov 04 2005 Posts: 10

oh yes, a working mother's forum...please! good idea 613!

Posted: Wed, Nov 09 2005, 5:32 pm Post subject: re: working

MNT, I dont have any kids and I am so overwhlemed with working FT and being a good wife/housewife....I can sympathize and admire you. I agree, so what if your house is not as clean as somebody's who is home all day taking care of the house...can't beat yourself up over it. Also, I learned to make easy/simple shabbos meals. Also, can you delegate something to your husband? Maybe he can help with shopping, or lets say making cholent or fish (something easy)?

Posted: Wed, Nov 09 2005, 5:38 pm Post subject:

when you come home from work, take time to unwind - don't go straight to cooking/cleaning. Watch your son (daughter?) play a bit as you relax on the couch. Or even just go on the floor and play with him, if you have the energy.
Try to take it easy. If you live in a frum neighborhood (I.e. Brooklyn), buy ready made foods for suppers and Sabbos. I never make potato kugel -- too much of a job. For the $3 a week, I save myself the time and still get to enjoy it. Don't feel like you ahve to cook everything yoruself. Take-outs were created for a reason.
feel good!
_________________
"G-d's gifts to you are your talents...How you use them is your gift to G-d."

Gold Member Joined: Jan 19 2005 Age: 31 Posts: 1855

Don't take on more than you can do. If you have a busy week, don't invite guests. Cook simple for shabbos. Learn to lower your housekeeping expectations. You'll have to come to the realization taht you're not superwoman (WHAT!?!!?)

If you want moral support pm me, I don't work full time but close to full time, and I'm getting better and balancing it all and remaining stress free.
_________________
http://thegr8ride.blogspot.com/

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 20 2005 Posts: 5270

I agree with Istimer, def lower your expectations for yourself, then whatever you do accomplish you will feel great about Wink

Gold Member Joined: Jan 19 2005 Age: 31 Posts: 1855

Beginner Joined: Nov 04 2005 Posts: 10

I hear you all...I really do. but so much of who I am and my personality is wanting everything "perfect"...
and besides that...I really don't have time to hang out and unwind and read if I have to be at work by the latest 8 and I don't get home until close to 6 (and firday is even worse!). I will get home tomorrow at 4:15ish and shabbos is at 4:38
and yes, my husband is a tzadik. he does almost everything!

Posted: Thu, Nov 10 2005, 9:56 pm Post subject: re: working

On behalf of all working imamothers, I would like to say:
"Thank you, Yael and Co. for creating "Working mothers" forum!"
Thumbs Up

Beginner Joined: Nov 04 2005 Posts: 10

I want to thank everyone for their advice and support.

Platinum Member Joined: May 16 2005 Posts: 6262

mnt I can understand why working full time and having a baby is stressful... I dont know how you do it! I think that its just stressful working and being a mother because they are both full time jobs so they make you work REALLY hard.... and never have a break... Hopefully one day when you could cut down on your hours and maybe work part time youll feel much better....

Silver Member Joined: Feb 01 2005 Posts: 503

I think what make it all harder is the guilt that comes along with working fulltime. first of all, your baby is with a babysitter who cannot possibly take as good care of him as you do. she is probably not stimulating him physically and mentally as much as you would dedicate yourself to doing. she is probably just meeting his basic needs. then, when you get home and are so tired that all you want to do is go to sleep or even just chill out, you cant bec you have to spend any available time with the baby (ies) before they go to sleep bec its the only time you have. and you WANT to spend the time with the baby bec you havent seen him/her all day but you dont have the energy to be really fun and exciting. (its especially hard when the baby is tired and cranky and this is the only time you have with him.) I dont know how it is if someone is actually choosing to work full time (as opposed to needing to) but I find the guilt to be the worst part. personally, I am not so stressed out about the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. somehow that all gets done (or doesnt!). for me, its the overwhelming tiredness and the guilt that get to me. anybody want to join me?

Moderator Joined: Nov 20 2005 Posts: 4868

I work full time and have done the following for sanity and/safety Wink

1) I hired cleaning and laundry help so that when my kids are home, I'm a mom, and not a cleaning girl. (yes, it does take a chunk off my paycheck - however, I for one, couldnt be a housekeeper AND mom after a full days work, and I didnt want my kids suffering on account of my working.

2) No, my house is NOT perfect.

3) Dinner is NOT always four courses. Nothing happens if once in a while it's scrambled eggs!

4)My husband does not always have a perfectly put together , smiley wife when he walks in.... but he does appreciate the extra effort I make to bring in parnossa.

5) Relax and let go of certain stressors in your life.... I always make sure to do something just for DH and myself once a week. I hire a babysitter and have a "date" with him. It's the only way to keep my sanity intact during our hectic working full time lives,.....

Gold Member Joined: Jan 19 2005 Age: 31 Posts: 1855

sugaray, I agree with you, I think the hardest/worst part about it is the exhaustion. And I don't even work full time...