What to do with my niece

Squash

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 7:58 pm

my niece (5 1/2) came to me straight from school today (dh's brother's dd). her mother had a baby and she'll be staying for a bit. she is miserable. doesn't talk to me. okay. refuses to get into pj's. does not want to hear or think about staying here. just wants to go home.

she's sitting in the hallway crying her eyes out. I feel so bad for her. she doesn't let me come close to her. physically shoves me away. I gave her 2 prizes and a taffy lolly so far.

I really don't blame her. but I need advice on how to help her calm down.
tia

now I hear my kids coming out of bed and clowning around. they feel so sorry for her. so do I.

momluv

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 8:21 pm

I agree with tefila. maybe show her the toys. maybe she'll see something she doesn't have at home and it'll keep her mind off home.

greenfire

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 8:24 pm

I'm sorry - I don't agree with the concept to begin with ... a child needs to be with their newly grown family ... and NOT feel left out ... of course she is crying her eyes out ... new baby and she probably thinks they are getting rid of her ...

Squash

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 8:26 pm

green, in theory that would be great. but, her mother doesn't have the energy to deal with everyone just yet. she needs to recuperate. sending kids to relatives is a very 'done' thing around here. she's just homesick. that's fine. it won't injure her for life. and I highly doubt she feels like they want to get rid of her.

MiracleMama

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 8:26 pm

Poor thing. Crying

I guess I would try to distract her with toys, a special children's video (if you have) or maybe some special comfort food - if you even know what she likes.

MahPitom

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 8:31 pm

Oh my. Maybe she’s the type of child that needs physical touch. Sit down next to her on the floor and just sit there. Don’t do anything, don’t talk to her. Just sit. Eventually she might warm up to you. She might fall asleep in your lap etc. That’s what I would do.

I had a kid here last week who was aching over her mother leaving her… her crocodile tears were awful. I simply rocked her on my lap, no words until she calmed down.

Squash

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 8:33 pm

so I finally convinced her that if she'd get into pj's I'll call her father to see if she can go home. now she's getting dressed. some peace for the two minutes it'll take.

I am so utterly exhausted from dealing with my baby and not sleeping. I must go to bed early, hopefully in half hour is what I was aiming for. we'll see.

greenfire

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 8:37 pm

Squash wrote:

so ... I remember a day in my life that felt like a month ... I was left by my grandmother alone - no siblings ... I thought nobody was ever coming back to get me ... EVER !!!

MahPitom

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 8:40 pm

I remember being dumped by an aunt out of town, when my mother made me a baby-no-more at age 5. I was taken to a new school the next day and I refused to ask where the bathroom was, so I peed in my seat and refused to move until my aunt came to get me. They couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t moving… age 5! I’ll never forget it.

Squash

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 8:58 pm

okay that is sad. this is so different. she has two sisters younger than her. she's still going to be going to the same school. she has my daughter here who's a week older than her. she's just a few blocks away from her house. everything is familiar. she's just homesick. and I do feel bad for her. but I won't let her mother be made into a devil.

MiracleMama

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 9:03 pm

I don't understand why, if she lives only a few blocks and her parents are at home, she cannot sleep in her own home. Can't she spend time with you and your family after school, but go home to sleep? I feel so bad for her. Crying

Squash

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 9:39 pm

I also feel very sorry for her. bH she's asleep now and I'm sure tomorrow will be much better. it's a matter of getting used to.

and to answery your q: it makes a world of a differnce to your recuperation if you know your children are being well taken care of and you don't have to worry about how will have the energy, both mentally and physically, to take care of them. even for 10 minutes. I'm speaking from my own experience. and I'm happy I can do this chesed for her so she'll be a stronger mommy in a little while iyH.

su7kids

Mon, Nov 26 2007, 9:53 pm

Squash wrote:

Did her mother explain to her that she needs some time to recuperate from the birth? Did her mother explain to her that she'll be staying with you for a few days? Did her mother explain to her that she can call her if she wants to, and that she loves her and will miss her, but really really needs the time to recover?

Let her talk to her mother, let her talk to her father. Who knows what goes on in the head of a five year old when her parents are a few blocks away and she can't "reach" them.

Good luck.