Delicate Balance? | Imamother

Ruchel

Tue, Jul 17 2007, 3:46 pm

Who has read it?

Delicate balance by Sarah Hannah Radcliffe. It was extremely interesting. I had never heard about her, but it’s hard in general to find Jewish chinuch books. I found it in a French book store in Mea Shearim.

I noticed she advocates methods that seem very unpopular on Imamother, although as a French person I find most of them common, and no one of them really horrible – which doesn’t mean I am planning to use them without the child really, really deserving and probably looking for them.

No dinner, sleeping on the couch, hitting (even on the face, even small children – I read a chinuch article by French rabbi Poultorak who said similar things, do a search for Poultorak on the search engine), not allowed at the shabbes table – even for “smaller reasons” like messy room or sleeping late, which seems very strict to me!

She said it was better to punish a child on the same area (throwing food = no dinner, for example), but no dinner for yelling was fine too if it worked.

I don’t like the idea of sending a child to its room as a punishment, and even less to bed, because I wouldn’t want these places to have bad associations, making bed time difficult. But maybe sending to another room would be fine.

My grandma told me punishing with food could teach a child to refuse it later, to “punish” you too or when throwing a tantrum, so it was better to punish on things you don’t care about. For example, she punished with tv.

Apart from that, it was a really interesting read and excellent ideas. But I was surprised of some things.

The author also says not to lock or abandon a child out of the house (!!!!!) or in the darkness – who does that??

The “no snacking after 8 pm” rule. It makes dinner take place around 9 pm, isn’t that a bit late for children? It is very early for adults, but…

“Clean up the room before breakfast”. Isn’t that a bit hard to do it with an empty stomach? Or is it on purpose, as a motivation?

She says that in normal consequences, no child should be sent to school before being ready, normally around 3. If the child is late in being ready, then until 4 or 5 (even if not ready at that time).

I was happy to read that she thought children should be taught to respect everyone and everything, including animals and plants, old people, sick people, and that we have to tell them to respect the non Jews too (“non Jews are creatures of Hashem too and the righteous among them will inherit the world to come”).

Teaching a child, female AND MALE, to take care of a house, to cook… is necessary. Both should also be taught how to express their emotions and feelings calmly, nicely and precisely, or we are compromising their future shalom bais. Nice to read!!

Finally, she pointed that people often mix up parents and older children on the phone if the child takes model on the adult, and it reminded me how often it happens to me, how often people think I am my mother on the phone, even my uncle!

Anyone read it? Comments?

Tefila

Tue, Jul 17 2007, 6:59 pm

Quote:

Teaching a child, female AND MALE, to take care of a house, to cook… is necessary. Both should also be taught how to express their emotions and feelings calmly, nicely and precisely, or we are compromising their future shalom bais. Nice to read!!

Finally, she pointed that people often mix up parents and older children on the phone if the child takes model on the adult, and it reminded me how often it happens to me, how often people think I am my mother on the phone, even my uncle!

This is about the only part I agree with.Don't get me wrong I do believe in capital punishment on kids but not for every minor infraction Rolling Eyes

and no I do not believe in 1. hitting child in the face ever shock

2. publicly!!!
Also you can take treats and other luxury items that children love if they don't listen. But how can you deprive a child of dinner for misbehaving shock

Quote:

not allowed at the shabbes table – even for “smaller reasons” like messy room or sleeping late, which seems very strict to me!

Ridculous

What has a messy room got to do with a Shabbos table Confused

yes misbehaving at the table or for late shabbosim when one didn't go for a nap that I could understand, but just for a messy room Confused

Marion

Wed, Jul 18 2007, 3:45 am

Ruchel wrote:

“Clean up the room before breakfast”. Isn’t that a bit hard to do it with an empty stomach? Or is it on purpose, as a motivation?

We always had that at home growing up. It wasn't motivation, it was practicality. You got up, got dressed, tidied up after yourself (PJs folded, bed made, floor clear) and then you got breakfast. Why? Because usually by the time you ate breakfast and ran back to brush your teeth, you didn't have TIME to clean your room. I don't think it hurt us to create that habit. The only exception was Shabbat, when we came down and ate in PJs so we wouldn't get our good clothes messy. Then we did the tidying after we got dressed, after breakfast.