Stinky 9 days | Imamother

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note

Stinky 9 days

1 2 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 11:37 am

I'm at a complete loss as to what to do here.

My DH does not shower/bathe at all during the nine days (except for Friday, of course). I suppose if he fell into a vat of mud, he'd wash off, but other than that, no.

Personally, I do bathe during the nine days. Instead of bathing daily, as I usually do, I shower only every 36-48 hours. And instead of a long, hot shower, I take a quick cool/lukewarm one, just long enough to wash my hair and get the dirt and grime off of me.

However, usually after two days or so, DH begins to smell. Sometimes rather badly. Last year, I had to move into a spare bedroom after three days. It's just that bad. Since he otherwise is fastidious in his grooming, and otherwise showers just about every day, I know it's not due to laziness or slobiness that he doesn't shower... it's due to halacha.

Now, I don't know what to do. I feel like I should be encouraging him to strive toward greater spirituality (even if, in this case, cleanliness is not next to Godliness), but it gets to the point where I just wish he would just get in the shower for five minutes. Furthermore, although he hasn't said anything, I can't help but feel like I am a disappointment to him because I shower during the nine days.

amother

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 11:38 am

tell him to ask a rav if for sholom bayis he can shower. u are allowed to btw!!!!!

amother

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 11:50 am

same boat here. dh doesn't either shower. could I say b"h I am in niddah? Wink

Now I know the advice that everyone will give- 'tell him to ask a shaila if he could shower', 'tell him it bothers you..' etc. but NO I will not do that, cause I know that he is following halacha and I am relying on heterim (so I feel guilty enough). I just always try to imagine what the ppl. in the time of the churban went through, searching in the streets for some food, flour...
I'll live through it.

morningstar

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 11:58 am

Can you suggest a "sponge bath?"
I.e. filling a basin with water and using a washcloth to wipe sweaty areas of the body. This should help the odor without compromising Halacha.

southernbubby

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 12:02 pm

I attended a shiur last night about the 9 days. Apparently in the days when people did not bathe regularly, people did not wash in the 9 days. Now, when the average person showers twice a day, they suffer far more from not showering than was originally intended. Because of that, short lukewarm showers are allowed.

gryp

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 12:50 pm

Short lukewarm showers are allowed if you are sweaty, dirty, or uncomfortable. It is not a heter. Ask a Rav.

Sorry, anyone who smells offensively and refuses to ask a Rav is using it just as an excuse.

(Obviously they didn't bathe in the original nine days- they were under seige and had no water.)

chocolate moose

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 1:19 pm

in the men's mikvah, for example, the showers have only cold water and I think no soap, but I could be wrong.

for whatve reason, you smell the men more than the ladies during the 9 days.

I HATE THIS TIME OF YEAR !!!!!!!

Motek

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 3:30 pm

southernbubby wrote:

when the average person showers twice a day,

Sounds greatly exaggerated to me.

OP - does your husband use deodorant?

chocolate moose

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 3:37 pm

Motek wrote:

when the average person showers twice a day,

In the days befo. a/c I used to shower 2-3 times a day.

greenfire

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 3:46 pm

when a person only had the luxury of bathing was it once a week or once a month ... then it was a luxury ... now we have (usually) running water in our homes ... and to bath is a health issue ... a quick shower just to get clean is permissible ... only it seems like people don't care to do this because somehow they feel very holy if they have somehow survived the 9 days without 1 ... well they may be able to tolerate their own smell - probably get used to it and think it is normal ... but what about the rest of us ... including the world at large who think the jews smell ... that I say is a chillul Hashem ...

southernbubby

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 4:54 pm

This rabbi said that he read a study that said that Americans average 2 showers a day. I could be that because people shower after a workout and then again before bed or when getting ready for work, that it becomes 2 a day.

amother

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 5:32 pm

if your husband smells bad and it really bothers you then I'm sure a rav will allow a 2-minute cold shower just to wash off sweat. You're not supposed to take showers for pleasure but for shalom bayis, see what the rav says. Don't feel like you're doing something against halacha, please ask a rav, they're here to help us.

Mrs. XYZ

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 5:36 pm

southernbubby wrote:

'americans average'? or the 'average american'?

If americans average 2 a day, that would mean that there are many, many americans that shower 3 or more times a day, since there are many, many (more) americans that shower 1 or less times a day! doesn't seem quite so accurate.

TammyTammy

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 5:44 pm

Let's not forget that you can't always go by the "average American." After all, the Average American has one ovary and one testicle. Very Happy

Tammy

Mimisinger

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 5:49 pm

Huh?

technic

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 5:51 pm

TammyTammy wrote:

Let's not forget that you can't always go by the "average American." After all, the Average American has one ovary and one testicle. Very Happy

Tammy

TammyTammy

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 5:53 pm

Think about it...

How many ovaries does the average American have?

It's a statistical joke. Here's another:

Three statiticians go hunting in the woods and they see a bear. One takes out his bow shoots an arrow. Unfortunately, it goes 10 feet to the left of the bear. A second one takes out his bow and shoots, but his shot goes 10 feet to the right. The third one starts jumping up and down and going "We got him! We got him!"

Tammy

southernbubby

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 7:04 pm

Whether or not it was the average American or the American average, he said that 60 years ago it was twice a week. Because we shower so frequently now, it bothers us a great deal not to.

MommyLuv

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 7:19 pm

Guys, it's midsummer....Hot, sweaty weather in most places.

Taking a quick, cool shower for hygienic purposes DOES NOT contradict Halacha.

Anyone who actually STINKS during the nine days-enough to offend and distance people, especially his wife, well sorry....I don't call that honorable.

*I was at a shiur today and the Rav said what SouthernBubby said....

He did add that while showering is not considered an indulgence in hot weather, using extra conditioners and lotions that are not absolutely necessary for cleanliness, is. Exclamation

technic

Tue, Jul 17 2007, 3:21 am

tammy - I dont know u but I like u!!!! LOL

Page 1 of 2

1 2 Next