What is chassidish life like?

chayitty

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 9:04 am

Mama Bear wrote:

chayitty, in some chasidishe neighborhood, the majority of the mothers are still sahm's. in my own family, out of 8 married children, only 2 are working - 1 in her own business, and 1 only has one baby so far. from my own family, none of the married sibs are working. My mother and MIL only worked for a short time when all their kids were in school alreadyh.

now that im thinking about it...most of my cosins are sahm's...or they have theyre own lil side bussniess....im sure some of them work for others...but mamabear...u have to admit that more and more chassidish woman r working these days

amother

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 10:09 am

[quote="amother"]I didnt read through the entire thread - but I have one question- I heard that chassidish couples do not learn hilchos niddah before marriage- that the mesader kedushin slips a peice of paper to the chosson right before the chuppah with directions for the first night and directions to call him in the morning so he can teach both of them the halachos right then.

To me this seems ridiculous. Please tell me it's not true. shock

[/quote]

are you feeling well? I just saw a purple man walking on 4 feet, sounds the same no? do you believe me?

smilethere

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 10:17 am

this thread seems really wierd, don't shoot please, but I think many litvish are jealous of the chassidish way of life, especially dating!
I am chassidish and proud, went to a non-chassidish mixed school - we live in a small community.
I seem to have gotten many ignorant comments about chassidism similair to ones above - yes we have happy marriages, happy lives, sometimes we drive, sometimes we wear custom sheitels, sometimes we work, and I think most of us wouldn't exchange our lifestyle for all the money in the world.
one difference between chasidish and none - nothing to do with rebbes but countries where minhagim stem from:
chasidim do tend to be more warm, and in contact with their emotions - however a hungarian litvak will also be bubbly and a german chosid more reserved.
I don't get th4 why you all seem to think we don't talk to our husbands. don't we have our whole lives to catch up on, and build together - don't forget we didn't date!

Squash

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 10:18 am

well said htp. especially the last line.

also, I dont know whay e/o is saying chassidish vs litvish. don't you guys understand that there are other yidden in the world besides for chassidim and litvaks?

Crayon210

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 10:19 am

I don't think many Litvaks are jealous of Chassidim.

I don't think that Chassidim tend to be more warm and in 'contact' with their emotions than Litvaks. I think that people are more complex than that.

Clarissa

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 10:29 am

htp wrote:

this thread seems really wierd, don't shoot please, but I think many litvish are jealous of the chassidish way of life, especially dating!

I can't speak for everyone, but I think you're wrong with this one.

Mama Bear

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 10:34 am

chayitty wrote:

Mama Bear wrote:

Maybe the really young ones, like 24 and younger, because toedays' rents are almost impossible evne with one income. But my age bracket - 30 & above - are for the most part sahms.

DefyGravity

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 10:57 am

htp wrote:

chasidim do tend to be more warm, and in contact with their emotions - however a hungarian litvak will also be bubbly and a german chosid more reserved.

I would have to agree with Crayon's response to this. I don't think you can generalize so much about such a large group of people. You can't even make such a generalization about a small group!

I for one, am not jealous of the chassidishe way of dating, or the chassidishe way of life.

AGINY

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 10:58 am

Mama Bear wrote:

chayitty wrote:

Mama Bear wrote:

Maybe the really young ones, like 24 and younger, because toedays' rents are almost impossible evne with one income. But my age bracket - 30 & above - are for the most part sahms.

MamaBear, out of curiosity, how do the expenses suddenly get lower when the family is older / larger. I would love to stop working, but as the years go by the tuition bills, clothing bills, groceries, etc all go up up up. How does a family that was relying on the second income as you said to pay the impossible rent, suddenly not need it anymore?

Squash

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 11:04 am

Crayon210 wrote:

I will emphatically agree with your first statement.

however, the warm personality is just that. a personality. a nature. and different regions are known for having different natures. that's not to say that it's everyone who comes from that area. but most. this has nothing to do with being in 'contact' with you emotions. it's all about how you express them.

Fox

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 11:23 am

htp wrote:

this thread seems really wierd, don't shoot please, but I think many litvish are jealous of the chassidish way of life

Well, I for one am definitely jealous! While "litvish/yeshivish" covers a lot of territory, I feel like there's just more and more pressure for our women to be superwomen -- earning professional salaries, being perfect mothers, making healthy, delicious meals, and keeping everyone in clean socks in their spare time. While I was able to keep up the pace in my 20s and even 30s, frankly, I'm tired physically, and I'm tired emotionally from pretending that "sure, no problem -- I can do everything standing on one leg with my hands tied behind my back."

I have a handful of chassidish friends, so I realize that nothing is perfect, and I try not to romanticize chassidish life. Every community and kehilla has its ups and downs, and there are probably times when some of my chassidish friends envy elements of my life.

But here's what I find fascinating: notice that we're not really talking about chassidus here, at least in any depth. We're discussing how we live our daily lives and go about our daily business. And that's where I think we in the litvish/yeshivish world have developed a problem.

DefyGravity

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 11:34 am

Yeah, aren't Litvaks people that come from Lithuania?

It's kind of like how the Amish refer to everyone that's not Amish as "English." Lots of Chassidim like to call all non-Chassidish people Litvaks.

louche

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 12:08 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

And the winnah is.....DefyGravity!
Yes, a Litvak is a Jew from Lithuania, although that Lithuania icomprised not only the political entity currently labeled Lithuania, but included other neighboring parts of Europe that were within the Lithuanian sphere of influence and considered Vilna their religious center despite being politically part of Poland, White Russia, Ukraine and so on.

It's also a generic term of sorts for a person who is highly intellectual, rational, analytical, skeptical and punctilious.

Most people who follow litvish customs are not actually Litvaks. That's why they're called litvish--they're sort-of-something-like litvaks, but not exactly. Like being young-ish, or sweet-ish. Wink

there are very few pure Litvaks left thanks to intermarriage with galitzyaners, yekkes, hungarians, various flavors of sefaradim and so on.

Mama Bear

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 3:49 pm

AGINY wrote:

You misunderstood.

Rents have gone up, salaries haven't. So, when I was, let's say, 21, rent was $850.00. You could manage it on a man's starting salary of $400. Today, rents for a 2 bedroom are $1400. So, when a man starting out in a warehouse type job makes $500, he cannot cover his rent, food, utilities etc. on his salary, so his wife is forced to remain in the workforce for a couple of years until her husband's salary is a bit higher so they can afford the rent. In my age bracket, the men are already earning more than a starter salary, so the wives no longer need to work. Plus, a young 21 yr old can still work more or less full time the first 2-3 years until her kid starts school and she has to be home by 3, at which her salary either drops cuz she goes part time, or she quits to stay home at that point cuz she's had enough of working.

Squash

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 4:07 pm

mama bear, how can you make such a sweeping generalization about income increasing with age? in the chassidish community? wow, if that were true I think everyone would become chassidish. your income automatically increases with your age. neat idea.