Champagne Tastes? Spinoff from MyHabit has Venettinis

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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Chayalle

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 2:21 pm

MamaBear wrote:

My younger kids wear handle downs with some new stuff mixed in. What I don't get is the families who always seem to be matching. Aside from the ridiculous appearance after a certain age, how do these families afford new matching outfits for everyone every season. Like 3-4 girls in identical higher end accessorized outfits....from what appears on the outside to be a very financially modest family. Even if they have just two outfits per season like this, that adds up to quite a bit over the year, every year.

And if it's inlaws buying it, makes me want to go ask the inlaws to contribute more to the cash strapped school instead of their grandkids' wardrobes.

twice liked Smile

amother

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 2:21 pm

MamaBear wrote:

I cannot comment for everyone, but I do know a woman who likes her children to be matched and she basically takes hand me downs from a few people in different sizes who had the same outfit a year before. She could take hand me downs from more than one family.

MamaBear

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 2:31 pm

So what happens when one of the kids stains a shirt on shabbos and needs to change? The whole family matching look is ruined. The horror! Wink

I guess part of me is also in awe, the time and effort to coordinate it all first off (these are not basic top and bottom outfits)....and then they all agree to wear the stuff? I let my kids put on whatever they want if it's appropriate.

amother

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 2:38 pm

I once bought DD a Shabbos robe on sale....an acquaintance saw the robe, and liked it. Went to same sale, and they had the robe in 2 of her girls' sizes, but not the 3rd, which was DD's size. She callled to ask me if I could get DD a different robe, so that her girls could all match. I said no.

mandr

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 2:51 pm

What bothers me is the defensive belief of "I'm buying the best designer item because it will perform better and other quality brands can't live up to that standard."

Me: [we're discussing carriages] What made you choose a Bugaboo (innocent question, really, not judgemental or anything)
Relative: It's a very good quality
Me: But aren't there lots of good quality carriages that are cheaper?
Relative: I know, but... [shrug, smile] what she didn't say was "because everyone has one"

Please. You are not buying Bugaboo because of its high quality. There are plenty of high quality carriages that will serve your purposes just as well for much less $$$. Like please buy a Buffalo with huge air tires that's intended for all terrains when you just use it to parade down 13th avenue (and to squish into tiny upscale clothing stores).

I'll admit, I own a smaller Stokee for two reasons: I like nice (and brand name) things, AND because it serves my purpose, is easy to fold, and not so bulky.

Or Kiplings. If they're sooooo strong (which they are, I'll admit) why do you need to buy your daughter one each year? They should be lasting at least a few years. Well too bad, they are already out of style here in the high school I went to!

Or Tori Burch shoes - because they last so long - come on, you aren't going to wear the same shoe for 2 years and you know it!

On to the next thing...

Barbara

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 2:56 pm

princessleah wrote:

My kids are 2 and 4. I am NOT buying them anything expensive. They grow out of it within a year, and in that year it gets covered with juice and snot and sand etc. Whatever is left standing is given to their cousins.
I don't buy them fancy new outfits for Shabbat and Y''T. They wear maybe a step up from regular play clothes, but for the most part they do not step foot in the sanctuary, so I need to buy them fancy suits/dresses to run around the shul basement?

I can't believe the attitude of ''helping'' a kid fit in. If a girl becomes a target because she is somewhat "nebby'', then the answer is that the school and families should DO THEIR JOBS of teaching the rest of the class middot and how to conduct yourself as a frum Jew, and be kind to everyone regardless of what they look like.

Well, it depends on the shul. At my shul, kids are rarely dressed up. And since I hate the look of overly dressed up kids (sorry, folks, but its just an opinion), I'm happy with that. But at other shuls, they'd be looked at askance. And IMNSHO, if you go to a shul where 5 year old boys wear blazers, and girls wear dresses that wouldn't be out of place at weddings, you're not doing your kids a favor by purring them in an outfit from Gymboree.

But in any case, I don't think that a lot of girls are picked on because they dress differently. More often than not, there's something else there as well. And sometimes, helping that girl -- or boy -- look like the other kids helps.

Moreover, its not schools that should be teaching middot and how to conduct oneself, its parents. That's why you can have a "good" grade or a bad one, even with the same teachers and administration at the school. I recall being at an open house for a school once, and a parent asked a question that evinced an elitist attitude that I found somewhat offensive. Years later, I was goofing around online, and found an offensively elitist editorial, written by the person's child. School's fault? I say no.

Chayalle

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 2:59 pm

mandr wrote:

Or Kiplings. If they're sooooo strong (which they are, I'll admit) why do you need to buy your daughter one each year? They should be lasting at least a few years. Well too bad, they are already out of style here in the high school I went to!

My DD used hers for 5 years in succession. Though IMVHO a lands end briefcase is a quarter of the price and just as good. But at the age when it was important to her, I allowed her this indulgence (and I bought it, new, on ebay for about $35.)

I agree with your post though. And just for fun, I once tried out my neighbor's bugaboo, and I did not like it at all! So big and cumbersome! I stick to Maclarens - when my DD was born, I bought the last year's model for 1/2 price. She's 6 now, and I keep it for when I have young company (like my adorable nephew) and I tell the parents they do not have to shlep a stroller. It's still in like-new shape.

debsey

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 3:12 pm

My daughter had a Kipling. I told her at the outset it must be for 2 years in a row and she must chip in. It is 5 years later. She still uses it - she brings it to camp for when they go on overnights and need to take along a few essentials. It is not her schoolbag anymore but still a useful item! I more than made back my original investment (which wasn't much, I got it in Daffy's) had I known how durable it would be, I wouldn't have bought it in bright pink!

mandr

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 3:30 pm

I got my niece one for a bday present before she started 6th grade. She used it till through 9th grade. My sister was happy she didn't have to shell out for it, but I was a working single girl with a better budget lol Wink

Honestly, I'd have been a bit miffed had she used it for just one year.

debsey

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 3:56 pm

MamaBear wrote:

So what happens when one of the kids stains a shirt on shabbos and needs to change? The whole family matching look is ruined. The horror! Wink

believe it or not - the ENTIRE family changes! That's why mom spends her whole day chasing them and not letting them live. How do you think white linen pants (to match white girl's dresses) stay stain and crease free all shabbos? Cuz the kids aren't allowed to play!

debsey

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 3:59 pm

debsey wrote:

IMHO this is a good punishment for people like this. Me? I let my kids dress like kids and I take a shabbos nap!

Scrabble123

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 4:22 pm

Often items that are higher quality cost more because of better materials and because of where and how they are made. While it is not always the case, it generally is. Many of the more expensive items are guaranteed as well. While I did write that I got a new Kipling twice early, we always gave them away afterwards (in excellent condition). They do last. When I had Kipling bags they were not even "the bag" and my parents only got it because of their reliability. I had UGGs way before they were in style as house boots for when it was cold. I do wear shoes more than 2 years in a row. I have many Ferragamos that are 10+ years old. I treat them nicely, and in return they treat me nicely too. I have a very narrow foot as well, and Ferragamos fit better than other companies. [BTW those shoes were purchased when I lived in my parents house and they could totally afford it. I wouldn't spend the money now that I support myself and am not in their income bracket].

If I had a baby now, I would buy neither a Buagboo nor a Stokke and that's because I just don't see what the big deal is about them. Some people like them: good for them. Not only do I not find them attractive, but I don't see that they offer any extra ordinary features. Bugaboo does have nice hoods in connection with Andy Warhol and Asten Martin so if I was into that, I guess that would be a pull for me. Anyways, if I had the money to spend, I would buy an Orbit Baby (which is more money than a Bugaboo and Stokke) not because of it's price tag, but because it offers many excellent features (rotating seat, special attachments, click into a double that is not side by side, etc.). If I couldn't afford it, I would buy something in my price range.

Again, all of these expensive items are when a person can afford to buy them. When someone does not have the money and is buying beyond their price range to "be the same," "fit in," "impress," etc. there is another problem. This thread is really about living beyond your means, not buying something when you can afford it.

My cousins were in Europe for almost 3 months this summer. I'm not jealous. They are allowed to go and enjoy themselves because they did not borrow the money and worked for it. Now, if that suddenly would become a standard for everyone to "FORCE" themselves into copying, it would be a major problem. It's just not reality for many people. Likewise "brand" names on a regular basis for people who cannot afford it should not be a reality. As I said before, couples should be okay with buying Ikea furniture if that is what their price ranges allows them!

Amelia Bedelia

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 6:37 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Ditto for the Vennetinis (actually this year we got W.A.G.) At under $40 a pair, I expect these to last at least until Pesach, and I feel it's worth the price. And I don't feel we have to buy cheap items just because my DH learns.

I assume you bought the Venettinis on sale. They start at at least $65.

When I had my sixth child almost six months ago, I bought a used Bugaboo on Craigslist for $200. I wanted a stroller that would last for more than one child. Although I was so sick of Bugaboos- almost every mother strolling down 13th Avenue pushes one- it was the cheapest good quality stroller I was able to find. No way will you find Uppa Baby, Mamas and Papas, Phil and Teds, Stokke, or Baby Joggers, even used, in that price range., I looked into a Mutsy Evo stroller and Baby Jogger City Select, but the cheapest price I found was still significantly more than a used Bugaboo. I don't drive, and I need a stroller that's easy to push. And a Graco will last me for only one child. I know; I had one for my first. By the time I was expecting my second child, it snapped on me (it was my only stroller, not a backup). My Bugaboo does not look new, but it serves the purpose.

Edited to add: I bought a Bugaboo Cameleon, not a Bee. The Bee is pure junk, IMHO.

Last edited by Amelia Bedelia on Mon, Aug 25 2014, 7:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

debsey

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 6:53 pm

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

I did the exact same thing! Used bugaboo on ebay - quite sun-faded but cheap! If I ever had money2 spend on it, I'd buy the city mini - it is so easy to use and sturdy. My nieces in Israel swear by them!

mummiedearest

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 7:03 pm

for those of you who don't drive and need a sturdy stroller that will last, you can buy this one new:

http://www.amazon.com/InStep-S.....oller

check the price on the second to last color listed. I got one for under $70 when it was on 50% off sale two years ago. it is still in perfect condition, and I use it daily. sometimes for hours at a time. I do a LOT of walking. it's definitely not a good car stroller, too heavy and bulky, but it's great for serious walkers who don't need to put it in a car on a regular basis. and it holds a car seat.

oh, and my grace would have lasted for three children if it weren't for the backyard cat. it was still beautiful after a few years. I think you have to pick the right model.

out-of-towner

Tue, Aug 26 2014, 12:39 am

debsey wrote:

it is not about buying designer shoes to stop bullying. As Scrabble said, there is a desire to "be the same" and if all the girls look like clones of each other - and one girl sticks out in a"nerdy" way, that MIGHT put a target on her back. So you work on helping a kid like that blend in with the group. Not everyone. Just a kid who really doesn't handle social pressure well.

Aha. So if my kid is going to stand out because she doesn't wear Vanetttis and she has social issues she is doomed to be a neb forever?

Because at the rate my daughter is going, she is likely going to need serious surgery before she is able to wear any type of shoe beyond a good quality sneaker! She has a severe leg discrepancy.

So she is never going to be the same. Good thing I am not planning on living in places where this will matter if I can at all avoid it IYH.

Sorry, this is just something that really bothers me and is also a little painful as I realize that my daughter may never be able to wear "normal" shoes. I know that I should be grateful that she is BH otherwise healthy, but that doesn't make it easier!

dancingqueen

Tue, Aug 26 2014, 12:43 am

So what is the deal with dressing kids in matching clothes? Where does that come from?

And if what ppl say here is true, how are all the newlyweds in borough park and Lakewood pushing around bugaboos? A new bugaboo is around 1k.

out-of-towner

Tue, Aug 26 2014, 12:45 am

dancingqueen wrote:

Their grandparents are buying it of course!

Learning

Tue, Aug 26 2014, 3:04 am

dancingqueen wrote:

I heard that it started in the "olden days ". when a mother bought a big roll of cloth and they made dresses from it for all the girls in the family. It was economical.

Elisheva

Tue, Jun 16 2015, 7:46 pm

I'm doing some research on brand obsession with kids in frum schools. If anyone feels strongly about the issue, and has a personal story/opinion you'd like to contribute please pm me.

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