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Dear people who organize meals
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Amital









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 1:50 pm       Post subject: re: Dear people who organize meals
As an organizer, I usually ask that food be delivered from 5-7, or whatever time the recipient specifies. If that doesn't work, I have gathered meals at my house or someone else who is delivering and brought them during the time, or have contacted the recipient to ask what they prefer. Sometimes, there is another person there to take the food, and so they might not mind.

If you cancel this close to the date, it might put people out. People may have already shopped or even started making something. But only you can decide what is best for you.
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Clarissa









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 1:55 pm       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
chani8 wrote:
anotherima wrote:
chani8 wrote:
OP, I'm sorry for making you feel bad. Your issues are valid, that you are tired and nursing.

It really is ok to just say, no thank you, to the meals.

If you have a complaint, call your local organizer. But then again, it will possibly make her job, and everyone else's job, more complicated. Now they have to find some way to deal with getting the meals to you.

Also, not all women feel like you. Some would prefer that the food come as early as possible whenever it is ready, so they can see what they will have, while it is still early enough to get out and buy whatever it is that's missing or to cover for someone's bad cooking - which happened once to me, someone sent a cholent that had a medicine dropper in it and smelled like medicine. After that, I stopped taking free food.


CHOLENT WITH A MEDICINE DROPPER IN IT??? OIY VEY!!! Sad


Her kids were wild. I can just imagine how it happened. . . LOL
Guess you're lucky there wasn't a small child in it.
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eema of 3









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 4:25 pm       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
lili wrote:
peppermint wrote:
tell the person organizing meals to tell everyone to drop everything off between the hours of 4-7pm or whatever time works for you.
Or leave a note on the front door saying you are resting and they should please leave everything by the door (or back door). Just make sure you frequently check by the door so nothing spoils.


I dont think it's right to tell ppl when to deliver the food.
dont forget, she is at the receiving end!
put a sign by your door and ask ppl to leave the food outside and check every so often when it's convenient for to bring the food inside.
or have your dh pick the food up.
ppl are working hard to make the food, it's not right to tell them when they have to deliver it.
that's just my opinion


I think you (and maybe everyone who likes your post) have it a little backwards. true, she is on the receiving end, but that means THEY are doing a chessed FOR HER. when you do chessed for someone, its not a chessed if it doesnt help them. so for example, if you are making a meal for someone for whatever reason, its not a chessed if you only make things that they are allergic to. how to rectify? ask before you start cooking if there are things that someone is allergic to/wont eat or would really appreciate getting. if you are making a meal for someone, its doesnt really help if that person is put out. way to rectify? ask when is a good time to come over. in this situation, you know the mom is home, but that doesnt mean its a good time to come over. when I had ,y baby, I asked the person organizing to please tell people to come BEFORE 4. I was home at 4, but I was doing homework with one kid, dealing with another, and juggling a baby. 4:00 was NOT a convenient time to have to drop what I was doing to go take care of pans for supper.
its great that everyone wants to help out a new mom, but its not really helping her if she is so inconvenienced.
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amother









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 4:31 pm       Post subject: re: Dear people who organize meals
There is a saying that came up during sandy a lot . Help is only help when it helps. If you are making a meal for a mom who just had a baby but you wake her from her rest or make her life more stressful did you really help?
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eema of 3









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 4:32 pm       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
ra_mom wrote:
eema of 3 wrote:
ra_mom wrote:
eema of 3 wrote:
ra_mom wrote:
OP, I think a note saying something like 'thank you so much for your generous help! we are napping now so kindly leave your package in the box below and write your name so we can properly thank you' (attach a pen) is the way to go.
It needs to be easy for both the giver and the receiver.
Mazel Tov!


I dont think having people drop off their food at one house so one person can deliver everything is any harder than dropping it off individually at the new mothers house. ive never organized, but all the times that I have made part of shabbos for a new mom, I always dropped it off at the organizers house, and then she took the whole meal over. I wouldnt want people dropping food off and leaving it outside. it could end up being outside for a few hours, or animals could get into, or where I live, someone might take it....
The mom can head outside between nursing sessions and naps to bring the food in.


assuming shes not like me and forgets everything 10 seconds after it happens Smile but seriously, if you are already taking a meal to someone, why is it harder to drop it off at one house than at another? what difference does it make if you drop it at the new moms house, or at someone elses house? obviously if you live around the corner or whatever then you arent going to want to go to the other side of town, but I dont see why everything cant be dropped of at one central location and then be taken over when its all ready.
I hear you.
But the moms I know who help with meals don't have time to keep answering the doorbell and taking packages either. They're usually at work and somehow manage to find an extra 10 minutes in their day just to drop off the food they prepared at midnight the night before.


I agree 100%. making meals is not an obligation, its a chessed. if there are specifications and you cant meet them, just say im sorry, im not able to this time. the way it works here is that when someone has a baby, a friend arranges the meals, and anyone who wants to make something gets in touch with that friend.
no one is forcing anyone to do anything. and in places where phone calls are made to ask if you can make a meal, you can always say no.
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eema of 3









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 4:35 pm       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
chani8 wrote:
I think you should just make your own meals. Then you would appreciate the little trouble of opening the door and saying thank you wholeheartedly, even if you have to do it 50 times.

I declined PP meals because I hate the idea that someone has to go to all that trouble for me. I mean, what is so hard about making it yourself?

If you were sick, then that is a different story and I would understand needing a better plan.

In that case, have a table set outside or just inside your door for drop offs or an arrow pointing to deliver it to your neighbor.


no one HAS to make meals for ANYONE. and perhaps you could try to be a little bit nicer to a hormonal new mother. kol hakavod to you for making your own meals. I did too. but you dont know op's home situation, so please dont judge her, or anyone else who decides to take meals.
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MamaBear









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 4:37 pm       Post subject: re: Dear people who organize meals
I think the OP is being dramatic about the number of visitors. Maybe a shabbos meal is split up by a lot of people (two larger meals with 3 or so people doing each) but all the weekday meals? I always make a meal by myself and so does everyone else I know. And how many people don't call first? I can't imagine it's a majority.
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eema of 3









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 4:54 pm       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
MamaBear wrote:
I think the OP is being dramatic about the number of visitors. Maybe a shabbos meal is split up by a lot of people (two larger meals with 3 or so people doing each) but all the weekday meals? I always make a meal by myself and so does everyone else I know. And how many people don't call first? I can't imagine it's a majority.


maybe where you live but not here. here, a defferent person makes each thing. so that would be

friday night meal
1. fish (if you want) for friday night (in my experience, most people dont offer fish for both emals)
2. soup
3. a main dish
4. a side dish
5. another side (I was always offered 2)
6. dessert
one of those people sometimes offered to make salad

day meal
7. fish
8. cold cuts/salad
9. dessert

op is NOT being dramatic, at least not for where I live.....and if I recall correctly, op was talking specifically about a shabbos meal, not a weekday meal.
I dont understand why everyone is so set on not hearing the hardship of a new mom. if you thinkits going to be too hard for you do do it according to the moms schedule or specifications, THEN DONT DO IT. what are you gaining by puting down a new mom who may NEED to have people deliver meals for reasons that you dont know about? doesnt seem very nice.

if you are making a meal, it means you will be going out to deliver it. how hard is it to deliver it to the organizer (or another agreed upon location) instead of the new mom? not hard at all. someone said that if the new mom cant do it wholeheartedly, then she shouldnt have meals. well, I say that if you cant DELIVER meals wholeheartedly then dont do it.
give this new mom a break, she just had a baby!!!
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amother









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 6:24 pm       Post subject: re: Dear people who organize meals
I'm not faulting the OP- she has a very valid point, however as the recepient you need to clarify your specific needs to the organizer, ie, drop off needs to be at this time which allows the organizer let those cooking know exactly what they are signing up for- if you don't tell the organizer how is she to know your specific timing? you can vent on Imamother for sympathy but to effect change you need to speak up to the person who is organizing. Then those that do sign up for this chessed can do it in the best way possible.
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eema of 3









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 8:24 pm       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
amother wrote:
I'm not faulting the OP- she has a very valid point, however as the recepient you need to clarify your specific needs to the organizer, ie, drop off needs to be at this time which allows the organizer let those cooking know exactly what they are signing up for- if you don't tell the organizer how is she to know your specific timing? you can vent on Imamother for sympathy but to effect change you need to speak up to the person who is organizing. Then those that do sign up for this chessed can do it in the best way possible.


thats true, instructions, if there are any, need to be given to the organizer immediately. but people are saying that because she is on the receiving end, she shouldnt make demands. thats what I disagree with. if you are doing a chessed for someone, you do it the way they need it to be done. otherwise, its not really much help.
if you are unwilling or unable for whatever reason, just dont make a meal. thats all im saying.
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ROFL









  
Post Posted: Sun, May 12 2013, 10:09 pm       Post subject: re: Dear people who organize meals
OP I feel for you, I also got lots of meals at one point and it was hard when people came at all time. The worst was when I was expecting food for Shabbos and they came 10 minutes before shAbbat , I panicked one hour before Shabbat and quickly defrosted some food and ten got a delivery of food right before candlelighting
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ValleyMom









  
Post Posted: Mon, May 13 2013, 3:02 am       Post subject: re: Dear people who organize meals
Being a full time working mother I find it strange that people aren't more GRATEFUl to be receiving food at all.

If you do not care to be interrupted all day long by kind people who are going out of their way to fit you into their hectic erev shabbos schedule then maybe you should respectfully decline the meals and figure out how to cook for your own family between feeding the baby and napping.

I never had any chessed committee cook for me after my kids. I just worked it out.

Its not that big a deal.

Good luck to you and all those patient and tolerant women in your neighborhood...
_________________
"WORRYING is like sitting in a rocking chair... It gives you something to do but does not get you ANYWHERE!"
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amother









  
Post Posted: Mon, May 13 2013, 3:10 am       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
ValleyMom wrote:
Being a full time working mother I find it strange that people aren't more GRATEFUl to be receiving food at all.

If you do not care to be interrupted all day long by kind people who are going out of their way to fit you into their hectic erev shabbos schedule then maybe you should respectfully decline the meals and figure out how to cook for your own family between feeding the baby and napping.

I never had any chessed committee cook for me after my kids. I just worked it out.

Its not that big a deal.

Good luck to you and all those patient and tolerant women in your neighborhood...


Op here- can we stop with all this now? I already declined the meals for yt. U have already cried too many tears over this thread over how horrible and inconsiderate of a person I must be. Can you people please stop telling me how bad I am? I really regret writing this. I thought that I might post a little vent and possibly being something to light people might not think of. Instead I see I am a horrible ungrateful person who only thinks of herself. Okay sorry! Just stop telling me already!
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amother









  
Post Posted: Mon, May 13 2013, 6:51 am       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
amother wrote:
ValleyMom wrote:
Being a full time working mother I find it strange that people aren't more GRATEFUl to be receiving food at all.

If you do not care to be interrupted all day long by kind people who are going out of their way to fit you into their hectic erev shabbos schedule then maybe you should respectfully decline the meals and figure out how to cook for your own family between feeding the baby and napping.

I never had any chessed committee cook for me after my kids. I just worked it out.

Its not that big a deal.

Good luck to you and all those patient and tolerant women in your neighborhood...


Op here- can we stop with all this now? I already declined the meals for yt. U have already cried too many tears over this thread over how horrible and inconsiderate of a person I must be. Can you people please stop telling me how bad I am? I really regret writing this. I thought that I might post a little vent and possibly being something to light people might not think of. Instead I see I am a horrible ungrateful person who only thinks of herself. Okay sorry! Just stop telling me already!


I am a previous poster (the one who walked into your house). I made a double batch of pumpkin muffins and want to bring them over to you, so it's one less thing for your to cook. Please let me know if your family can eat that, and I am going to leave it outside your door today sometime this morning.
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saw50st8









  
Post Posted: Mon, May 13 2013, 7:01 am       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
ValleyMom wrote:
Being a full time working mother I find it strange that people aren't more GRATEFUl to be receiving food at all.

If you do not care to be interrupted all day long by kind people who are going out of their way to fit you into their hectic erev shabbos schedule then maybe you should respectfully decline the meals and figure out how to cook for your own family between feeding the baby and napping.

I never had any chessed committee cook for me after my kids. I just worked it out.

Its not that big a deal.

Good luck to you and all those patient and tolerant women in your neighborhood...


This is really unfair to OP.

Yes, its a really nice thing for people to make meals after the baby is born. It can be a hinderance or a help. Friday afternoons are especially annoying because so many people are chipping in for Shabbos. Everytime you get the baby down or go to the bathroom or sit down, the doorbell rings.

The OP just had a baby. Life is tough with a newborn. Sleep is scarce. Dealing with stress is hard. And sometimes, small things push you overboard.

We can support the OP and still send a message of being greatful. Which IMO it sounds like the OP is.
_________________
Never mistake activity for achievement.
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eema of 3









  
Post Posted: Mon, May 13 2013, 7:52 am       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
saw50st8 wrote:
ValleyMom wrote:
Being a full time working mother I find it strange that people aren't more GRATEFUl to be receiving food at all.

If you do not care to be interrupted all day long by kind people who are going out of their way to fit you into their hectic erev shabbos schedule then maybe you should respectfully decline the meals and figure out how to cook for your own family between feeding the baby and napping.

I never had any chessed committee cook for me after my kids. I just worked it out.

Its not that big a deal.

Good luck to you and all those patient and tolerant women in your neighborhood...


This is really unfair to OP.

Yes, its a really nice thing for people to make meals after the baby is born. It can be a hinderance or a help. Friday afternoons are especially annoying because so many people are chipping in for Shabbos. Everytime you get the baby down or go to the bathroom or sit down, the doorbell rings.

The OP just had a baby. Life is tough with a newborn. Sleep is scarce. Dealing with stress is hard. And sometimes, small things push you overboard.

We can support the OP and still send a message of being greatful. Which IMO it sounds like the OP is.

I want to like this a million times! Saying something is a little bit hard or inconvenient or whatever is not the same as being ungrateful. I happen to know the op, and you guys should all apologize for being so harsh and literally bringing her to tears. All she wanted to do was vent a little. No reason to tell her she's geeing ungrateful or lazy or unappreciative. I will definitely think twice before starting my own venting threads in the future......
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MyKidsRQte









  
Post Posted: Mon, May 13 2013, 7:57 am       Post subject: Re: re: Dear people who organize meals
Op here- can we stop with all this now? I already declined the meals for yt. U have already cried too many tears over this thread over how horrible and inconsiderate of a person I must be. Can you people please stop telling me how bad I am? I really regret writing this. I thought that I might post a little vent and possibly being something to light people might not think of. Instead I see I am a horrible ungrateful person who only thinks of herself. Okay sorry! Just stop telling me already![/quote]

OP, if there's a chance that you live in Lakewood pls pm me. Id love to help you for yom tov if I possibly can.

I've been on the receiving end where I had to say no to help because it wasn't worth it. I've had people offering supper where it would show up after 7, and I've had food come for shabbes 10 minutes to the zman-no exaggeration to a point that I would go into Shabbes crying. Personally, I learned not to accept help.

All the chessed in the world is not worth it if the recipient has more agmas nefesh out of it than the supper or Shabbes is worth.
_________________
All the things I really like to do are immoral, illegal or fattening.
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myself









  
Post Posted: Mon, May 13 2013, 8:58 am       Post subject: re: Dear people who organize meals
I think those of you condemning the OP of being ungrateful etc. have never been in her shoes. Please don't be so quick to judge!
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smss









  
Post Posted: Mon, May 13 2013, 9:04 am       Post subject: re: Dear people who organize meals
amother wrote:
ValleyMom wrote:
Being a full time working mother I find it strange that people aren't more GRATEFUl to be receiving food at all.

If you do not care to be interrupted all day long by kind people who are going out of their way to fit you into their hectic erev shabbos schedule then maybe you should respectfully decline the meals and figure out how to cook for your own family between feeding the baby and napping.

I never had any chessed committee cook for me after my kids. I just worked it out.

Its not that big a deal.

Good luck to you and all those patient and tolerant women in your neighborhood...


Op here- can we stop with all this now? I already declined the meals for yt. U have already cried too many tears over this thread over how horrible and inconsiderate of a person I must be. Can you people please stop telling me how bad I am? I really regret writing this. I thought that I might post a little vent and possibly being something to light people might not think of. Instead I see I am a horrible ungrateful person who only thinks of herself. Okay sorry! Just stop telling me already!


OP I was really disgusted by what some people wrote on this thread. there is no excuse to say those kinds of things to a woman who just had a baby, and I really don't think you did anything wrong. I actually thought your post was worded very nicely and you sounded very grateful. there were some good ideas here. please just ignore the nastiness, you really don't deserve it.
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amother









  
Post Posted: Mon, May 13 2013, 9:18 am       Post subject: re: Dear people who organize meals
I love to cook. I really enjoy making special meals for new moms and invalids. I shop for special ingredients and try to make fresh meals specially to suit the recipients. I can do this while my kids are at school after my exercise and my house is cleaned. This is important to my SB.

What I can't do is deliver on someone else's schedule. My kids always come before my chessed. I can only deliver in the afternoon around 3:30. Now I am concerned that I am upsetting new moms. I always tell the organizer and mom that I am delivering then.

I don't want to cause a moment of upset to anyone. Leaving the meals outside is problematic because there are animals. This is now a dilema. I am very shy and easily upset. It is hard enough for me to knock on a strange door with food. I am a recluse by nature.

Do you think most moms feel as OP? I always cook a full meal and deserts.

OP would you mind one interuption if you knew it was coming at 3:30? I was asked to cook for Shavous and I am very anxious.
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