Emailing an old boyfriend

Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 4:10 pm Post subject: emailing an old boyfriend

I wonder if this is the space, or should I go to conterversial?? and why am I not hiding behind "amother"? I have come across his name in a variety of ways and I am curiious as to how he is. If I email, will little warning signs flash, is there an apporiate way to do this, or do not bother?? I intend to get nothing out of this. Just curiosity.
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Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 4:13 pm Post subject: re: emiling an old boyfriend

What is a boyfriend?
Is this the right word for a date?
Does any frum girl have a boyfriend?
Hashem!Help!

Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 4:37 pm Post subject: re: emiling an old boyfriend

Yes. Some do, Hashem should help you amother, you need it.
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Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 4:41 pm Post subject: re: emiling an old boyfriend

Tila, it all depends how the relationship ended. Do you still consider him a friend and also how would or does your husband feel about this. Just a friendly line like, hey I came across your name and I was wondering how you are. My family and I are doing fine. That might not be so bad. Truthfully I think it might open a can of worms. Probably not worth it.

Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 4:47 pm Post subject: re: emiling an old boyfriend

my ex boyf lives around and I see him often. I have spoken to him online a few times scince I have been married but its not a big deal its only like.. hi whats up..hows baby , husband etc..
I have absolutly no feelings for him what so ever anymore its more like a I was young and stupid situation..
it can get wierd at times considering I had done some stuff I really do regret but I just try and forget about that..
in fact he got engaged to a friend of mine so I will prob be seeing more of him but were adults now and I think we can deak with it.
I actually blocked him from my buddy list reacently because I thought it was a little in-appropiate talking to him online for no reason..

amother.. yes some frum girls did or do have boyfriends..people like to have fun when they are young and they make mistakes too... thats why we are not young forever!

Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 4:47 pm Post subject: re: emiling an old boyfriend

Definitely not worth it, if he was your boyfriend you had feelings for him at one time. Yes you are married and hopefully happy now, but then what would the purpose be what do you hope to gain?

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48156

No. Cut the cord. Move on.

Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 5:11 pm Post subject: re: emiling an old boyfriend

Contacting an old shidduch or date shouldn't be embarrassing. Now, if inappropriate things happened, it could be awkward. If feelings were involved, it could be hurtful for 1 or for both. So, it depends.

Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 5:15 pm Post subject: re: emiling an old boyfriend

Boyfriend is different than shidduch or just date!?!?!?

Executive Member Joined: Nov 05 2006 Posts: 419

contacting an old boyfriend is asking for trouble.once you are married it is not appropriate to get friendly with an old flame.
there obliviously was once strong feelings there your marriage should mean too much to you, that you would not be willing to g-d forbid get those feelings back again.
a classmate of a friend of mine did this and dug herself in to a hole she is still not entirely out of 1 1/2 years later.

Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 5:41 pm Post subject: re: emiling an old boyfriend

emailing him might start innocently but these things have a way of becoming a slippery slope...and even if they dont, It's not worth it.

If you really just want to keep in touch as a family acquaintance, send a cordial shana tova or chanuka card once a year, signed by you and your husband.

See if you can redirect this curiosity and nostalgia away from an ex-boyriend and instead, toward getting closer to the guy you actually married. You'll both be happier. Exclamation

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Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 5:57 pm Post subject: re: emiling an old boyfriend

my boyfriend from high school and I used to occasionally chat online, even after I got married. We fooled ourselves that it meant nothing, but there were times when it got inappropriate. We came to flirt online and sometimes would have long conversations on the phone. We no longer speak and I am much happier now. My husband and I are much closer now that there is no secrets and all my love is directed to my husband.

do not contact him. I live with that mistake to this day. Some days I fall back and I miss him. Some times I think I still love him. Learn from my mistake.

Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 6:23 pm Post subject:

Here we come again to that frum girls separate guys thing - I think if he was that close and a friend why not say hi - just like he was a girlfriend. People you don't speak to any men - what are you all lushes that the first thing that comes to mind is so inappropriate. Where are your minds?
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Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 6:43 pm Post subject: re: emiling an old boyfriend

Greenfire - the thread refers to contacting someone you once had romantic feelings about. It isn't about contacting a platonic friend from the old days. Feelings can resurface.

I once emailed an old flame, his words were that I had opened a can of worms, and we began regular communication that turned from email, to instant message, to phone calls, to a few real life "dates." B"H nothing happened that I can't take back physically, but it was a real emotional rollercoaster. I almost left my marriage over it. All from one email.

Don't send the email - whatever response you are hoping for it's not worth it. You can live without knowing how he is doing and letting him know how you are doing if that is really all you are hoping to accomplish.

Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 7:40 pm Post subject:

Posted: Thu, Feb 08 2007, 7:48 pm Post subject:

okay okay - maybe you are right - Like there is this guy that I have been going out with - trying to break up cause not going anywhere. He wants to be friends. I did tell him that I didn't see how that was possible based on the chemistry - how could we be friends. ah so if that's what we're talking about maybe you should stay away.

Gold Member Joined: May 19 2006 Posts: 1682

this is one way to think about it:
if you are not comfortable telling dh that you want to contact this old flame then its probably not ok to do so

Gold Member Joined: Sep 04 2004 Posts: 1520