Guests for Shabbos

amother

Tue, Apr 12 2005, 12:08 pm

What do I do when my brother in law invites himself and his family over to our house for the shabbos day meal?
I would normally be happy to have them, nice people and all except that they always stay till after shabbos, and with shabbos lasting so long now I dont want to have to entertain them and their kids the whole day!

Motek

Tue, Apr 12 2005, 12:10 pm

he calls and asks, or is it spontaneous, on Shabbos?

and how is he your b-I-law? your sister's husband or your husband's brother?

amother

Tue, Apr 12 2005, 1:23 pm

my husbands brother. and he left a message last night saying he wants to come over. he's also really sensitive so there is no nice way to say no. I just found out that my husband told him ok, when he caled again.
oh well, thats one shabbos afternoon gone.
also when they come my kids dont nap or eat. so if they are over the whole day, then I've got a bunch of cranky kids on my hands.

proudmom

Tue, Apr 12 2005, 1:51 pm

Quote:

when they come my kids dont nap or eat. so if they are over the whole day, then I've got a bunch of cranky kids on my hands.

What about telling him what you said above. Would he understand? Or would he get offended? what about his wife? will she understand your situation if you mention it to her?

avigayil

Wed, Apr 13 2005, 3:17 pm

You need to be firm with your husband Exploding anger

I know he wants to be kind to his brother, but he cannot at your expense.
If your husband insists, he will need to take on additional duties for shabbos, like reading to the kids until they nap, making a dish for the meal.
You BIL needs to grow up too. If it continues, call HIM up one day and invite your family over for a shabbos meal.

Motek

Wed, Apr 13 2005, 3:31 pm

I like avigayil's advice!

to add and elaborate:

1) you need to tell your husband that he has to consult with you before he ok's any guests, even if it's his brother

2) if at all possible, your husband must tell his brother that after the meal, you want to rest and they need to go

3) if your husband feels he can't say that to his brother, maybe you can say it to your sis-I-law. If not, then just take ACTION, and after the meal, excuse yourself and say you and the children need naps, and take your children to their rooms and then go off to your bedroom.

If your husband wants to stick around and entertain his brother and family, fine.

4)

Quote:

call HIM up one day and invite your family over for a shabbos meal.

8) great idea
have you tried it?

Tefila

Wed, Apr 13 2005, 3:49 pm

Avigail great advice, conc inviting her gang over. lol.

But for now since the deed has been done, when they come you disappear after the meal and leave your husband to entertain. It won't happen again so fast promise, and there will not even be arguments or questions conc his brother coming again.

I know b/c my mother did this once a loong time ago, my father who meant so well invited a whole mishpacha without consulting my mother first. So she just told them after the meal finished she's exhausted so they should excuse her, but her husband my father is there if anyone needs anything Exclamation

lol