ER job fair tomorrow "sorry can't shake men's hand"

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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sarahla

Tue, Nov 01 2011, 7:59 pm

Sorry I know its last minute but just found out today I have to go to a job fair (since I really need a job) and they have one tomorrow morning for my field work...
I have been discriminated already on a previsou job/internship bec I was Jewish, I dont want this to happen again and I WILL NOT shake a men's hand so what do I do if men extant their hand to shake mine:
1) DH advice to keep my hands busy ie: purse in one resume in the other.. I feel its going to be totall disaster since im super nervous and might drop everything plus it seems super rude since well I would really put one down to shake hands
2) "please dont take this personally but I dont shake men's hand" they might think im weird but hey some pp are
3) same as #2 but add ...because of religious reasons or because of my religion. BUT and its big but here because I dont want pp to not hire me for that like I said above I have already been discriminated because of my religion ( I got it in writing and no I wont sue dont have the money I dont need a law suit but a steady good paid job!!)

So what do I do which option or if you give option of your own...im super stressed Sad

thank you

SomebodyElse

Tue, Nov 01 2011, 8:25 pm

Having your hands busy does not work in my experience.

Other ideas:

-omit to mention that it's only men you don't shake with:
"Sorry, no handshake for me, but it's a pleasure to meet you."

-a well-timed "sneeze" Wink

BTW, you probably don't need money to sue -- a lawyer would probably be willing to take a cut of the settlement/judgement, *if* he thinks you have a good case.

Good luck!

amother

Tue, Nov 01 2011, 8:33 pm

for business ask a shailah.

I work in a corporate office and always meet new clients etc. It is sometimes imposibble to excuse yourself from shaking hands. I asked my rav and he said I should try to not shake hands - but if its not possible - it is ok.

but you need to ask for yourself.

I know some of you here will bash me for it and say no matter what you do not shake hands with men - but you have probably never been in a real corporate meeting with business executives so you cannot fully grasp the situation.

Anyway good luck.

sarahla

Tue, Nov 01 2011, 8:34 pm

I like the no handshake for me but then I have to say it to everyone in the room women and men... I also feel guilty not mentioning religion because I shouldn't be "ashamed", I should be proud to say sorry G-D said I could n't shake your hand but nice to meet you Smile

Depressed

Tue, Nov 01 2011, 8:37 pm

I say , if you really need the job and you already were discriminated against. Just rely on the Iggoros Moshe, and R Herschel Schechter.

But Im over 50, and come from different time and place. Do what you feel comfortable with...

sarahla

Tue, Nov 01 2011, 8:44 pm

shaking han dwith men really is no option I will not do it im just asking ideas on how to be smooth and not make the other upset about it since im always red embarrased about it!!

sarahla

Tue, Nov 01 2011, 9:36 pm

ok I just thought of something new to say: please dont take this personaly it is my custom not to shake men's hand" how does that sound???

abound

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 12:23 am

Have a hot cup of coffee in one hand and your resumes or clipboard etc in another hand, this will help avoid most handshakes. This way even if you have to tell some people that you don't shake, you don't have to tell everyone You also need to relax more for the first to work. People will extend their hand and you will try to stick out your right hand and realize that it is full and your left hand will also be full, so you will smile or laugh slightly and say, oh this is complicated etc. Having a sense of humor would help.

chocolate moose

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 4:20 am

I shake. First of all our mashpia said it was OK, 2nd of all, it's not my aveirah, kwim ?

Not shaking DOES make you come across as weird. Non jews have no idea what "custom"means.

aidelmaidel

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 4:57 am

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm (or my spouse) just getting over a terrible virus/cold and I'm trying to not infect anyone else."

Worked for me many times.

TzipG

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 4:57 am

"Sorry I have a cold/it's contagious..."

freidasima

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 5:04 am

Oy nu be'emes....
There is no aveiro for a woman to shake hands with a [gentile]. There is no aveiro for a woman to shake hands with a non religious man for whom shaking hands means nothing. Actually there is no aveiro whatsoever for a woman to shake hands with anyone from the Pope to the head of Ponivezh. If it gives men bad thoughts? Those are the men - frum - who know in the first place not to shake hands.
mefeirush din.
You need to realy on psaks? They have been given from here to eternity and some have already been quoted.
If you "really need the job" don't be stupid and do what you have to as it is NOT AGAINST THE DIN.
Ahhhhh for the days of white gloves which solved the problem of skin on skin..... I'm old. And I still have white gloves from when I was a kid. Actually I have my grandmothers' collection, one goes up long above the elbow almost to the armpit, another past the elbow and the rest to the wrist and up...the kids use to love them for dress up.

sarahla

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 5:30 am

thank you very much for all your imput... I also wish we were back in the old days of white gloves...also stam I dont understand why we have to shake hands in the first place why starting to touch people like that. Also im kind of surprise because usually us people are germ conscious so why would they want to touch my hands in the first place...I think a nice polite smile and nod from the head should do to acknowledge one another....of course I didn;t sleep the whole night :/ and came up with somehting a bit more smooth :" please dont take this personaly but my religion doesn't let/allow me to shake hands with any men, however its a pleasure to meet you" (insert best possible smile) Smile

I think the rest is up to HaShem, like DH said it is up to Him when/where I get a job I just have to have a bit more faith and confidance Smile

will keep you posted

lilacdreams

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 5:34 am

When I go to my dh's job related functions (he works in a non jewish environment in Jerusalem, noch) I have a heter to shake hands so as not to have the non jews think "those jews are so weird". Uncomfortable yes, but I don't want them to think badly of us Jews, - and bh the muslims at work don't even extend their hands anyway.
I have more issues with touching someone's hands and all their cooties...yeah I should probably get some therapy for that, but I am constantly washing my hands, but mostly because as I work in hospitals I am too aware how easy it is to pass germs.

yaeli83

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 5:54 am

Im not sure if this makes it any better, but when my husband comes across this, instead of saying, "Im sorry, I don't shake womens hands", he says "Im sorry, for regligious reasons I only shake hands with men"

Ok, maybe now that Im writing it, it sounds a little worse! But just an idea to throw out there. Generally they have either heard of the concept, or they have no idea and are really fascinated by it, so get ready for some follow up questions.

If they do ask you or give you funny looks, just say that in our religion touch is sacared and we reserve the touching of the opposit gender to immediate family members to keep it intimate and holy. If they then ask how you can work in the ER and not touch anyone, you have to explain, that in a medical, or life and death situation, you would obviously touch whoever needs to be touched in order to save them.

yaeli83

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 5:57 am

Also, to the people who are telling the OP she should just shake hands for the day, I think that if she does this, she is setting herself up to be in an uncomfortable job situation.

What happens if they hire her, and all of the sudden she no longer shakes hands with anyone at work? Don't you think they might say "well, you shook hands at the interview, what changed now?".

sarahla

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 6:07 am

yaeli83 wrote:

thank you this gives me a lot of chizuk that is much needed...I fell uncomfortable asking a Rov because why should I compromise my religion so others dont feel comfortable why cant it be well im not shaking your hand we dont have to touch for you to give me a job...also to clarify I dont work in the ER I put ER because its an emergency...I was at lost at how to handle the situation and since I was notified so late of the job fair I was just freaking out more!!! my job doesn't consist of touching people really im a pharmacy tech.
I think the key is for me to be confidant because if I am then it will come across much better ...I just have to pep talk myself and daven a lot Smile

tovli toraspicha

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 6:14 am

Keep in mind though, that if you do say something about the fact that you can't touch/shake hands with men for religious purposes, you should definitely explain somewhere in the course of the interview that for medical purposes it is allowed, as yaeli mentioned above.
I can imagine that if someone is looking to hire someone for a medical profession, and the potential employee says that they cannot shake hands with men (whether or not you add- because touching is considered very intimate in their religion) and therefore they do not touch the opposite gender even to shake hands, that would raise a red flag in the eyes of the employer. There is lot of touching involved in the medical profession, much more than just shaking hands, and if they think you are queasy about touching men, or unable to for religious purposes, they would dismiss your application.
(unless you are looking for a job that does not directly involve treating/caring for patients )

good luck!

yaeli83

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 6:15 am

oh, lol, I read it as an ER job fair. so you really should not have a problem. I have never had a pharmacy tech try to touch me!

hatzlacha with the job search.

tovli toraspicha

Wed, Nov 02 2011, 6:16 am

oh now I see that you are looking for a job as a pharmacy tech, so no touching problem there- hatzlacha! hope it works out!

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