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Forum
-> The Social Scene
ForeverYoung
Guest
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 Sat, Mar 19 2005, 10:57 pm
This wonderful website became a meeting and sharing place for many women!!
I was shmoozing on the phone with an ImaMother visitor I know and we discussed some rather touchy topics that are very hotly debated at this time.
And we wondered - if the posters knew WHO is reading their posts, would they still post them as they did? Would they change them a bit? Would they post more things as amother? Would they become more personal?
I googled imamother & got a page full of links to this site
There is an interesting thing going on - people on-line tell things they wouldn't have told their next door neighbours!!
(not only on this site, all over the web!!)
Amother username is great, but the discussion that follows, especially on intimate topics are often touchy, privite, borderline... I think u know what I mean here.
I also wonder how many man can be brousing these pages - let's face it, the test is cute, but many frum (and not frum) men can pass it.
Even not Jewish. (even though the Sukkos question is tricky)
These are just my musings.
Don't take me wrong, I made a few great friends here!!!
What do you girls think?
Last edited by ForeverYoung on Sat, Mar 19 2005, 11:40 pm; edited 2 times in total
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gryp
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Sat, Mar 19 2005, 11:03 pm
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ill get yelled at for this, but of course ill say it anyway: I dont think peoples intimate lives should be discussed AT ALL. I just have a strong feeling that a bunch of women talking about another couple's intimacy is not tznius. I don tmean to be insensitive, but if someone needs help, I think they should take care of it directly by contacting the appropriate professional. to have a bunch of women yentiing when they dont know the exact situation is just not right. if someone really needs someone to listen to their problem, let them post and whoever wants to answer should answer: "PM me," and nothing else should be discussed.
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ForeverYoung
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Sat, Mar 19 2005, 11:10 pm
I slightly dissagree (but will not yell at u  )
I think, general questions can be discussed, and given general answers. No personal experiences or explisit descriptions.
But again, in an indirect way.
I would hate to think of somebody deriving unhealthy satisfaction from reading how frum women discuss...... (u name it) 
I actually think that it is very sad that so many people do not have a Rav/ mentor they can talk to when a problem/ issue comes up......... 
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AweSumThenSum
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Sun, Mar 20 2005, 8:05 am
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I think that in the age of easy access to the internet, we tend to forget that we may have our words come back to haunt us one day. and when those words are written/posted, we cant refute them at all (as opposed to the spoken word). having said that, I think sites such as this one are great in that they allow a gender w/ common interests a safe haven for the expression of thoughts, ideas, etc... being able to express oneself comfortably is crucial to the emotional health of every gender and every age, and so I think that the risks of sites such as this one are far outweighed by the benefits.
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AweSumThenSum
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Sun, Mar 20 2005, 8:06 am
just wanna add to my previous post:
choose carefully among ur thoughts.
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Ozmom
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Sun, Mar 20 2005, 6:05 pm
You know what I actually agree with this concept that we are allot looser with our words and what we discuss on the internet. What happens is you don't have a face in front of you so you become less inhibited and say things you otherwise wouldn't say.
At the same time its great that people with genuine questions have where to ask them, the only thing is I find some of the questions just plain silly and really not an issue to be asking. Some of the personal questions like how to clean up after relations and the smell, I just think that questions like that you need to figure out for yourself like the rest of us.
I think the more crucial questions are the ones that affect your sholom bayis and your general wellbeing emotionally or physically.
I think that we in the process though have to be more reserved about what info we share and limit the details to being crucial to the question.
Like really we don't need to know some of the things posters are telling us about what they do in the privacy of their bedrooms.
Does this mean they shouldn't ask their questions? no
I think that if they are not going to ask anyone then they should ask here. And to say to them go to a professional won't help if they don't know who to go to, or if they are just too mortified too.
Some people have genuine issues and they just don't deal with them because they are too scared too embarrassed to approach anyone in real life. If they do it here then at least they get the opportunity of being helped.
a few weeks ago a friend confided in me something that desperately needed to be dealt with. she had been seeing a doctor but she left out the most crucial bit of information and didn't tell him because she was just too mortified and embarrassed. She had been carrying this problem around for almost a year and didn't tell any professionals that she should have been telling. I'm sure that if she had know about this site a half to a year ago she would have asked for help sooner. And we would have all prompted her to get help FAST.
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Pearl
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Mon, Mar 21 2005, 4:22 am
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I totally agree with Ozmom!!!
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Rivka
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Mon, Mar 21 2005, 6:01 am
Yes but people who browse can't go into certain areas. Have you tried going in as guest? and if anyone wants to join they have to answer a whole bunch of questions first before they are approved.
I take it they check them out first.
Alot of people write things that are personal as amother, I don't write anything here that I wouldn't say to my friends anyway, I personally will not write stuff about my relationship with my husband here because I don't like doing that anyway, even as amother.
The thing is some people really have no one else to turn to for help in such situations and instead of bashing these people we should be supportive. It isn't easy for them to say stuff, but I guess it gets to a point and they are uncertain, so they post here. It is more private than a lot of forums.
I would suggest posting intimate issues in the threads that are blocked from non users.
About saying some questions are silly. Are they? To those people they are not, everyone is taught things differently and not everyone knows that certain things are normal.
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Pearl
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Mon, Mar 21 2005, 6:38 am
| Quote: | The thing is some people really have no one else to turn to for help in such situations and instead of bashing these people we should be supportive. It isn't easy for them to say stuff, but I guess it gets to a point and they are uncertain, so they post here. It is more private than a lot of forums.
I would suggest posting intimate issues in the threads that are blocked from non users. |
well said Rivka!
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deedee
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Mon, Mar 21 2005, 7:14 pm
| Quote: | | And we wondered - if the posters knew WHO is reading their posts, would they still post them as they did? |
arent most (if not all) of us here cause of a friend who told us about it? therefore our friends are already reading what we post. if its really personal thats what "amother" is for.
people have diffrent levels of tollrence. what one person is comfy posting might outrage another person. but hey thats what we all love about each other!
| Quote: | | but many frum (and not frum) men can pass it. |
who has time to worry about if some man is gonna read what we post. and hey if they do then maybe they will learn something 
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ForeverYoung
Guest
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Mon, Mar 21 2005, 10:30 pm
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I'd feel sick if I knew 100% that a man is reading sertain threds here.......
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Tefila
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Tue, Mar 22 2005, 3:34 pm
Well thats why really personal stuff I would not put on here or any site but thats me wether as amother or otherwise 
Even though I think the idea of the amother thing in really personal threads may not be such a bad idea for some, remember only members can log into it.
Though some of those posts like Oz said one should be able to work out for themselves.
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Ozmom
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Tue, Mar 22 2005, 5:37 pm
well yes of course, Oz is always right! 
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Tefila
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Tue, Mar 22 2005, 5:57 pm
| Quote: | | Oz is always right |
Hm Oz that far I wouldn't go
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technic
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Tue, Mar 22 2005, 6:00 pm
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well u cant go much farther than oztralia ( not from where IM sitting anyway...)
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Ozmom
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Tue, Mar 22 2005, 6:38 pm
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Vell vell I see Mrs Freilich zat you have an issue mit denial!!!
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Tefila
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Tue, Mar 22 2005, 7:02 pm
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Oz as long as that is my only issue I will be ok .... my opinion mind u 8) 8)
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Rivka
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Wed, Mar 23 2005, 5:32 pm
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Oz you sure your are Australian coz your accent is distinctly German.
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Ozmom
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Wed, Mar 23 2005, 5:36 pm
Oh I'm pretty versatile. all depends which role I'm playing.
right there I was playing Freilich's shrink.
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Rivka
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Sat, Mar 26 2005, 4:11 pm
I personally would not want a German shrink. I would get quite worried.
Anyway how much is Freilich paying you per word??
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