Broken words; Broken Hearts

the world's best mom

Thu, May 05 2011, 1:56 pm

Sorry it's long, but I hope people read it and comment.

Broken Words; Broken Hearts

Rivky’s eyes were gleaming as she took her seat at the table. It was the first Shabbos that she was spending at her Chassan’s house. She was eager to get to know him and his family better. They were all gathered around the table. There was her Chassan, Avi, dressed in his Shabbos finery and looking quite handsome. On the other side of the table were his three younger sisters, Bracha, Malky, and Hindy. Their father, Mr. Weiss was seated at one end of the table and their mother was next to him.

The atmosphere was warm and welcoming, as her future father-in-law made Kiddush and gave out the wine. Then the family went to wash. As they were eating their Challah and fish, Bracha turned to her mother and said, “Oh, Mommy, did you hear that Reuven Goldberg was taken away from his parents?”
Her mother gasped and said, “No! How do you know?”

At the same time, Hindy asked, “Who’s Reuven Goldberg?”

Bracha responded, “Remember that little boy who was slow who Mommy used to watch in the afternoons?”

“As slow as he was, his mother was even slower," added Mrs Weiss. "I’m telling you, she wasn’t 100%. She had no business raising children. She was not able to handle Reuven and his special needs. How do you know they took him away?”

“Tzippy Freid told me.”

“What about his older brother? Is he still living at home?”

Bracha said, “Yes, he’s still home. They only took away Reuven.”

“But why?” Mrs. Weiss was clearly upset at this news. “They should have taken away both kids. These kids don’t have a normal life living with their mother.”

The conversation continued while Rivky squirmed in her seat. She was uncomfortable listening to the Lashon Harah that was being spoken around her, but she didn’t feel she could speak up to her future in-laws about it. Luckily, the topic of conversation soon changed. It was Malky who brought up the new topic. “You know what I heard? My friend told me that Miriam Smith got divorced.”

Mrs. Weiss’s eyes practically doubled in size. “You mean Miriam Smith who went to school with you? She was such a sweet girl! What happened there?”

“Oh, it was his fault.” Malky seemed so sure of herself as she announced who was at fault for an old acquaintance’s divorce. “Everyone says so. Even ask his family. He used to be out very late every night. It was totally his fault.”

Rivky lowered her head so that nobody could see her red face as she thought, I wonder why he didn’t want to come home at night. Isn’t it possible that he wasn’t made to feel at home there? Don’t they know there are two sides to every story?

As the meal continued, so did the gossip. The Weiss family seemed to be discussing everyone they knew. Rivky was relieved when it was over. She couldn’t wait to escape from this room where the conversation had turned the atmosphere to below freezing.

However, the rest of Shabbos with her Chassan and his family were a big disappointment. They continued to discuss the Reuven Goldberg’s situation numerous times, as well as analyzing other problems they were so sure existed. They discussed families they knew, and also families they didn’t know. They knew who was right and who was surely wrong in every situation. By the time Shabbos was over, Rivky was quite happy to go home.

Rivky tossed and turned that night as she wondered what to do about her situation. She was a new Kallah, and she had just discovered that her Chassan and his family had a bad case of verbal diarrhea. She finally decided to consult her Rav. After discussing his advice with her parents, she knew what she had to do.

The following day, butterflies danced so hard that it hurt inside Rivky’s stomach. Avi was coming to take her out for supper and she knew what she had to tell him. She just wasn’t sure how she would manage to get the words out of her mouth.

Finally, she found herself sitting in a restaurant, looking at the handsome face of her Chassan. He was still good looking, but she knew that looks don’t count that much. She took a deep breath and began talking. “You know, when people try making Shidduchim, it’s very hard for references to know when to say negative information and when to keep it in. I always knew that Lashon Harah can destroy potential Shidduchim. But this past Shabbos, I learned a new way that this can happen. If a Kallah hears that her Chassan’s family spend their whole day talking Lashon Harah, that could also destroy the Shidduch.”
Avi’s face turned scarlet as he listened to the words that came to turn his world upside down. Was she really going to break off their engagement because of some Lashon Harah? He knew she was right and there was no excuse for it, but it just didn’t seem right.

They both sat there silently, each studying his or her own plate as if trying to figure out what was on it. Avi thought that if he would raise his hand, he would actually feel the heavy silence around them. Finally, he spoke. “I guess you’re right. I am so used to it that I hardly even notice the Lashon Harah anymore. It’s really just a bad habit.”

“Yes,” said Rivky, trying to keep her anger back, “But this ‘bad habit’ has other names. Sinas Chinam, Motzi Shaim Rah and Lashon Harah are some of them. These are the exact things that are keeping us in Galus. We’re not here being punished now for the Sinas Chinam that existed thousands of years ago. Each generation that does not rebuild the Bais HaMidkash is as if they destroyed it all over again. And it’s because of people who have this ‘bad habit’ that you speak about.”

Avi was deeply ashamed as he looked at his shoes. “You are totally right. What can I do now? Is there any way I can fix this situation and save our Shidduch?”

Rivky thought for a moment and said, “I think we need to speak to a Rav about it together. But I would guess that if your whole family committed to learning a lesson a day and taking upon themselves two hours a day to really concentrate on Shmiras HaLashon, it could help.”

Fortunately, the Rav agreed. He thought they made a great couple, and he knew that Shmiras HaLashon can certainly be worked on. Habits can change and the Weiss family proved it. As they all learned a lesson a day from the Chofetz Chaim’s Sefer, they all loved being the first one to step in and tell each other, “That’s Lashon Hara.” Rivky spent numerous delightful Shabbasos with them after that, both during her engagement, and after her marriage to her wonderful husband.