When I asked for Shabbos hospitality, told "stay in hot

Ima2NYM_LTR

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:19 am

I called up the Rabbi of a town we are camping near. We asked for Shabbos hospitality for the end of the week after we were finished camping, so we didnt have to rush back erev Shabbos and hope to be on time/be exhausted for Shabbos.

he told me (paraphrased) "We have to many visitors come through. If this is a vacation for you, its not fair to expect people to give up their beds for you. There are hotels you can stay in and you can order catered food. Maybe someone who you meet in shul will invite you for a meal."

I was shocked. What ever happened to hachnasat orchim??? And we werent forcing anyone to give up their bed. we a) asked if someone would host us, their choice b) offered to pay and c) said we had our own air mattress, pack and play, sleeping bags- just needed a roof and table.

If he had said "Ill look into it" and no one was willing/able to help thats one thing, but to pretty much accuse me of being thoughtless/selfish was just painful!!!

Is it really that uncommon for communities to offer hospitality to guests for Shabbos?

MommyZ

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:20 am

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

I think it is unusual.

Raisin

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:25 am

would you be prepared to host guests every single week week in week out, when you just had a baby or got back from vacation yourself, when you are 9 months pregnant, when you are invited out to a simcha, when all your kids are sick, any time someone felt like coming to you?

MommyZ

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:28 am

Raisin wrote:

I seriously doubt EVERY single family in that town fell under those categories.

DefyGravity

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:28 am

I think it might be a little presumptuous to expect a Rabbi to set you up with Shabbos meals. Rabbis are busy, you can't expect him to also take time to find shabbos hospitality for you. Also, he doesn't know you and might feel strange calling up members of his congregation to host people that he can't vouch for.

Raisin

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:31 am

there are plenty of people in my town who are happy to host shabbos guests, definately for meals, sometimes even to sleep. People rarely ask to sleep though. But if it is just one family bearing the brunt of all these guests, I guess it is tough.

You know what - in a few weeks we are going away on vacation. I am going to be hosting guests the week before we go away, and when we come back. I don't have the luxury of saying no.

Once I had to say no to some people (we were invited to a simcha) and they were terribly annoyed with us. What chutzpa! the Rabbi is not staying home from their congregants simcha in order to host US. (perfect strangers)

Raisin

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:33 am

MommyZ wrote:

Raisin wrote:

I seriously doubt EVERY single family in that town fell under those categories.

some towns have only one or two frum families in them and yes, they are expected to host weekly especially in the summer season. usually it is the rabbi who is asked, not random frum people.

And if the rabbi is not able to host, he has to spend time calling round to find a place for them.

zipporah

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:34 am

Raisin wrote:

Ummm... asking, especially through an intermediary, doesn't mean you have to say yes. Presumably someone in those (or many other) categories would decline.

Is there any halacha to hachnasat orchim? Vacation vs. simcha?

Ima2NYM_LTR

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:36 am

woah people-
a) this is an established community- not super large, but a year round community in an area with 3 frum shuls and a chabad house. There are people

b) I wasnt expecting anyone who didnt want to/couldnt/ isnt in the position to host to say yes. I figured the rabbi may lead me in the right direction to someone who may have the inclination, or to a list that some communities have

c) he didnt have to be rude

Raisin

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:39 am

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

I agree with you on c. it wasn't clear in your op that he was rude.

have you tried the website shabbat.com?

BeershevaBubby

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:39 am

DefyGravity wrote:

When I've been visiting 'off the beaten track' and need Shabbat hospitality, the first thing I do is Google the nearest shuls and Chabad to where we'll be.

Sometimes the ONLY contact info for a shul is the Rabbi.

There have been a few times when I've sent an email to the Rav, letting him know all the facts and asking either for his help or for contact info to someone in the community

Ima2NYM_LTR

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:41 am

contacted the 2 ppl in the area on shabbat.com. one will be OOT but offered to help us find. The other one I just emailed today.

FTR. I called the old conservative shul my family was members with back 10-15 years ago and asked if they knew any frum families who would be willing to help, and they were more than happy to help us look.

AND we have a FB offer for help finding something in Rochester (which is 1/2 home) already

aidelmaidel

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:45 am

Um, I don't know all the pratim here but I can dan l'chaf zechus if that helps.

- It's Wednesday, I'm assuming you called either yesterday or today for this Friday. That's not a tremendous amount of time to find a place for a family of four to stay. If you knew you were going camping, then perhaps next time you can factor the shabbos afterwards into your plans and make arrangements earlier?

- It's Shabbos Nachamu - LOTS of people are "going away" for Shabbos and the Rabbi might be overwhelmed with people who are trying to "get away" for Shabbos.

- Was it still during the fast when you contacted him? Most folks are grumpy during the fast. Maybe your DH can call instead, or you can speak to the Rabbi's wife? (Not that that excuses his being rude)

- I don't know if the Rabbi you called was the local Chabad Rabbi, but if it wasn't you should try the local Chabad. You can check on chabad.org and enter your zip code for the closest.

- If there are 4 shuls, try calling the other 3 - somebody can probably host you.

I hope that helps! And if I was home this shabbos, I would host you in my home in Brooklyn (I'll be in LA for a wedding).

Hatzlacha and let us know what you wind up doing!

Ima2NYM_LTR

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 11:56 am

I will put my answers in red

- It's Wednesday, I'm assuming you called either yesterday or today for this Friday. That's not a tremendous amount of time to find a place for a family of four to stay. If you knew you were going camping, then perhaps next time you can factor the shabbos afterwards into your plans and make arrangements earlier? It is for NEXT Shabbos, 7/31. I had called last week AS SOON as my weekday plans changed and never received a return call

- It's Shabbos Nachamu - LOTS of people are "going away" for Shabbos and the Rabbi might be overwhelmed with people who are trying to "get away" for Shabbos. See above

- Was it still during the fast when you contacted him? Most folks are grumpy during the fast. Maybe your DH can call instead, or you can speak to the Rabbi's wife? (Not that that excuses his being rude) It was this morning, after the fast. He did tell me he just had his wisdom tooth out, but he could have asked me to call back or given me someone else to talk to

- I don't know if the Rabbi you called was the local Chabad Rabbi, but if it wasn't you should try the local Chabad. You can check on chabad.org and enter your zip code for the closest. Tried the local Chabad but had trouble leaving a msg. Something wrong with the VM system

- If there are 4 shuls, try calling the other 3 - somebody can probably host you. shul 1: Small and most ppl willb e out of town that weekend for a simcha-understandable, Shul 2: Called a prominent member that we know. They are working on it. Shul 3: Chabad- see above. Shul 4: rude shul

Inspired

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 12:02 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

ITA 100%.

Also as it seems the town is near a popular vacation area they probably get multiple calls like this every week.

Who says your vacation falls into the geder of hachnasas orchim? How many of these orchim is this community obligated to host every week?

Honestly, it would never occur to me to call up strangers to host me so I can vacation.